Disruptive child in DDs class

[Fashionesta]

Hoping to get some insight from teachers or SENCOs.

DD is in a class with a boy whose behavior has steadily got worse over the past year. Mainly he will hit and kick teachers, threaten other children and throw chairs or items in the classroom. This happens almost every day. 2-3 times a week the other children have to leave the class while the child is being removed by several teachers.

Yesterday DD came home crying saying she was afraid of him as he had threatened her as she went to get something near his desk in the classroom. He also almost hit her day two of this term. Also school work is being disrupted with regular evacuations.

Let me say that in no way is this the boys fault. He is waiting for a diagnosis and I know his parents are really trying to move things forward. The school are also doing what they can to provide an education for him which is right. I also assume that the school has done a risk assessment on the situation.

However, at what point do you feel it is not OK for your own child to feel afraid or have disrupted lessons? Obviously i don't know what is going behind the scenes but I know the mum fairly well so know what they are doing from their end.

He currently does not have a one to one or a safe space to go to as no room in school.

I guess I just want to balance the needs and rights of this child's education with also making sure my daughter is not afraid to go to school or get hit.

Anyone with similar experience or advice? Yr 3 btw.

I'm not a teacher or a SENCO. I am a parent of a DS with SEN. You need to complain about this and you need to do it loudly and clearly. It is (tragically) the only way the boy will get the support he needs. You (obviously) don't have to do this in a nasty way, just be factual

• your child doesn't feel safe in the classroom, here are examples
• her education is being disrupted, here are examples
• what is school doing to protect your daughter and her classmates?

You actually don't even have to mention the child by name. But you need to make it clear that their current situation isn't working. That's honestly OK - there's a HUGE difference between speaking up for your child and putting the boot into a vulnerable family.

Sympathy. Had two or three kids like this during DD's primary schooling in y3, y4, y5.

It IS frightening when someone loses control and becomes violent in the Class. Good news is by Y6 you can train your DD to do a weary eye-roll and save up the anecdote to narrate to you after school.

Sounds like your school is doing all it can, same as ours had done. When money is short it can be hard to help all the struggling pupils.

You could ask for a word with the teacher for help with coping strategies. For my DD, it was never engage, don't react angrily, don't smile or laugh when there is misbehaviour, avoid in the playground, if there are threats IMMEDIATELY report to teacher or playground supervisor - explain it is not telling tales and that the teacher and the boy's parents wants to know so they can help the boy improve his behaviour so it is the right thing to do to report it every single time. Also talk to your DD daily, ask her what good things happened, what bad things. Help her remember good things happening to provide balance, so she doesnt just think about these troubling episodes. Give her plenty of space to vent frustration. Give her simple stock phrases to use, so she is able to reply to the threatening behaviours in the moment. Eg "I don't like you talking to me that way" and "don't threaten me, I don't like it."

I also enrolled my DD in a martial arts class to improve her self confidence physically. It is less about being able to fight back and more about feeling confident and manifesting an air of physical self-confidence. But if the violent boys in her class do hit her, i like the fact she can block and strike back. (She is trained specifically how to avoid conflict but the last step if all else fails is, hit hard, hit fast, hit first, and she knows how to strike with correct amount of force to stop someone without seriously injuring, plus as a side benefit she has incredible core strength now!)

Regarding disruption to schoolwork, there is not much you can do in my experience. Keep reading widely with your DD at home, do some of the widely available online maths stuff etc.

Someone else may now come along with lots of suggestions to fix the problem, but I don't know there is a magic solution.

Thank you both for replies. I think I am having a dilemma saying anything due to the fact that the mother of the child is a friend and I am obviously trying to support her so it feels a bit like going behind her back complaining to the teachers. However, my personal opinion (and I work with SEN children) is that it will only get worse and that he needs a completely different learning environment that the school cant provide. Sadly, with my work comes the knowledge that there are simply not enough spaces or enough money.

I think as a minimum the school somehow needs to try and get more 1 2 1 support in the classroom who can whisk him away when he is struggling to cope. Even if there is no spare classroom, maybe create a safe space somewhere at the end of a corridor with some cushions etc where he can sit when he needs to.

I realise it is very hard and that DD has to have some sort of resilience in life, however, as adults we would not accept being threatened or hit in our workplace so in a way I think it is sad that some children have to endure this.

If you're able, I would mention IPSEA and SOSSEN as useful charities for the parents to contact. Also the Facebook group Educational Equality is a great source of support. A diagnosis can be helpful but does not necessarily mean extra support and it sounds like an EHCP might be needed, on the assumption you're in England.

I'd absolutely raise that your child is coming home distressed and the incidents that she tells you about. I'm wondering if the seating could be rearranged if he reacts badly to children walking near him. So he's not near communal resources etc.

My DS3 was disruptive in mainstream but the school were not supportive about him having an EHCP or moving to a specialist provision. It sounds ridiculous but that's what happened! Even they provided 1:1, begrudgingly and with many comments about their budget, but there was just no alternative. We appealed and won but it was really hard going.

Don't see it as putting the boot in. It isn't, and your name doesn't even need to be mentioned to the other Mum.

Just discreetly have a word with the school. As someone else already said, you probably won't even need to mention the boy by name. They will know who it is. Just ensure that they are aware that it is slightly sensitive situation as you know the other Mum well and aren't out to make things even more difficult than they already are.

Itemise the incidents that have been scaring your DD and ask that measures be introduced to shield her and others from this.

The school will almost certainly be aware of this child's difficulties and the problems posed in the classroom, but may be struggling to find the resources to deal with it fully. Your "complaint" for want of a better word, could be a stepping stone along the way for the boy and the school managing to get funding that would allow him to have the support he needs.

That is in an ideal world anyway. At the very least, they must ensure that other children and staff are safe if the boy starts throwing things.