Private for primary or wait for year 7

[kalindaka]

DS just started year 3 and muddles by but certainly isn't naturally academic. He finds it all so hard and I am worried the big classes are not doing him any favours.

His infant school was outstanding but half his class seem to be taught things he hasn't even covered. Now in year 3 I feel a bit worried I am keeping him at state just because i think it is better socially to go to your local school and have the all round experience I never had.

However I have no experience of state as I went to private from 3 so I am worried I have idealised state as I always wanted to go to a normal school but the reality was I was very academic and would have done well anywhere whereas my poor 7 year old would probably really benefit from a (cheap) private education.

Would you go private now or wait until he is in year 7 or will he be woefully behind by then?

I don't have any first-hand experience of private schools, but this doesn't necessarily sound like a 'stats vs private' question.

You say half his class seem to be taught things he hasn't even covered. Where do you get this impression from? From your DS, or from other kids/parents? It would be unusual in state school for this to be the case - the 'mastery' approach for the brighter ones ought to mean they are given a wider breadth of questions at the year's level, rather than being taught 'ahead'.

What have his teachers said in the years so far? Does he struggle with particular things, or does he just need to go over things lots of times to embed them?

If he is falling further and further behind, year upon year, the school will want to turn this around, so I would start off with requesting a chat with his teacher. Find out what the problems are, and discuss how the school, and you, will support him.

In terms of private school options, you'd need to pick carefully, to find a school that will nurture him and is not too worried about results at all costs. He would probably get more support with smaller classes in private school, but he might feel even worse about himself, if there are high flyers who are encouraged to stretch further ahead.

Have you considered a tutor? I know a couple of people in DD's class that have a tutor to support their maths and English, and this could work well to consolidate on what he has been learning in class.

Depends on the school and your child
We opted for State Primary and Private Secondary but the Primary available to us was good and the State Secondary is awful.
One of mine is very academic and one is average and neither has struggled at the Private school, there was certainly no catching up to do.
It was nice for them to have friends locally and it was also very helpful for them to go to a large quite mixed Primary. They were far more streetwise and rounded than some of their peers who had been at the Private school from age 3.
They have kept in touch with people from Primary too and DD is reconnecting with some of them at college now. On Saturday DS went to the park with 2 friends from his existing school and a boy who had been at his Primary joined them too.
We do have the advantage of living very close to the Secondary school, which is good and means both dc always had some local friends

Is he happy in his school? That is the central question. If so he should remain there.

There is no mention in your post about having talked to his teacher to get a grip on whether they have any concerns about his progress. That would be step one if you have the level of concern that might make you consider moving him. You cannot make such a disruptive decision without the full facts.

It is always worth remembering that children develop at different rates, and that is just fine. It is also worth remembering that people who are not academically inclined are also valuable human beings and make their valuable contributions to society, so it is very important that your DS gets no hint that he might be failing in some way in your eyes.

I hold my hand up to having made a similar decision to move two of my DDs to a private school half way through the primary stage. It was a disaster - a big mistake. One of them struggled there and was very very miserable; the other had no problem with the academics but felt oppressed by the ethos.

Two of my GSs are also a case in point: both are intelligent and enjoy school. One is academic in the sense that he is a real boffin - he loves abstract knowledge for its own sake and is thriving at a private secondary school as a scholarship pupil; his brother is also intelligent, but his attitude to knowledge is that it has to have some practical application - to be of some use, so his choice of secondary school reflects this.

I really do think that happiness is the central issue here - until you have had a child unhappy at school you can have no idea what a total misery it is for that child and the whole family.

Please also bear in mind that in the main children re-study the same stuff in their first two years at secondary as they did in last year primary so there is absolutely no rush. No rush at all. Let him enjoy his childhood without feeling under pressure.

He isn't massively happy there no. He has never made any solid friendships - they say he plays with everyone but he hasn't any best friends as most children seem to have by that age. He prefers the company of older girls as he finds boys his own age (7/8) a bit silly. I think he just doesn't really fit it. It's hard to predict if he would be any happier at another school