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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Taking out of reception class

34 replies

SummerBluez · 06/09/2021 17:31

Hi All.
My little boy turned 4 10 days ago and started reception today.
I don't feel he's ready and today hasn't helped. He is by far the smallest in his class. He's been elbowed in the head which the teachers know nothing about and had his keyring stolen from his bag by one of the "big boys." He cried at dinnertime as he was missing me..he's been in nursery 3 days a week from 10 months old and loved it so is well used to being away from me.

I feel like I've made a huge mistake and should have deferred him to CSA. Is it too late?

I KNOW it's very early days but his speech isn't advanced enough to tell me reliably what has happened. I feel he's not ready at all

OP posts:

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Yafilthyanimal · 06/09/2021 17:34

I say give it a bit more time.

Will he go straight to year one if he refers, next year?

Original poster

SummerBluez · 06/09/2021 17:36

Thanks. No as he's such a late summer born it's possible to defer a year and start reception a year later.
But I'm not sure if it's possible once he's started.

OP posts:

HollyBollyBooBoo · 06/09/2021 17:38

I was in a similar position with DD, I'd say it's way too early to make such a decision. I'd give it to at least half term.

Yafilthyanimal · 06/09/2021 17:38

The elbow in the head, could have been an accident and just children being children.

The crying because he misses you, completely normal in my experience.

The stealing of the keyring, who told you about this?

It is completely normal for you to feel like this too

grey12 · 06/09/2021 17:39

We were considering deferring DD1. Also she started talking late. But in the end decided not to. She's doing well.

Your son seems to have been bullied though!! Kids hitting him AND stealing on the first day of reception?! Regardless of age, I wouldn't admit it for my children. I would tell the teachers that they need to do their job properly!!!!

Original poster

SummerBluez · 06/09/2021 17:41

I've worked in reception for three years so I just know he's not ready.

I should have listened to my gut and deferred him

The keyring fob is ripped and I asked him where it was. He said "X" pulled it off and wouldn't give it back, he's a big boy.

OP posts:

JohnnyEnglish · 06/09/2021 17:45

I would mention to the teacher about X and the key ring. For the rest I would see how it goes for a few weeks. You don’t want to create a situation where he is unhappy, you pull him out and then he worries for a year about school. He is also likely incredibly tired and you may find he wakes up tomorrow excited to go in. Good luck. Time will resolve it one way or the other.

grey12 · 06/09/2021 17:46

Talk to the school to get him deferred. Tell them your son is having issues. It's true, it could be accidents but HE doesn't seem happy about it. DD got bit in nursery and was never sad or reluctant or anything. So there is something there.... I would insist on the school deferring him and if that is not possible then to keep an eye on those kids

Lipsandlashes · 06/09/2021 17:47

@grey12

We were considering deferring DD1. Also she started talking late. But in the end decided not to. She's doing well.

That’s a massive leap! My DDs were always losing things/having things taken in reception. Kids see something and want it - it’s not targeted. I’d have a word with the teacher about your fears and give it some time

Original poster

SummerBluez · 06/09/2021 17:48

Thanks @JohnnyEnglish. He's not tired he's out in the garden playing on the swings.
He's used to 7 until 5 days at nursery so 9 until 3 is short for him.
Just wish he could reliably tell me what happened, it's frustrating for him and me.

OP posts:

MamaTutu2 · 06/09/2021 17:53

@SummerBluez playing devils advocate here, you’d worked in Reception so knew the expectation and decided not to defer. Why was that? Those reasons may still be valid but just need a bit more settling in time!

grey12 · 06/09/2021 17:57

@Lipsandlashes read the thread, it was pulled and the boy doesn't want to give it back. It's a small child showing the beginnings of bullying behaviour or terrible parenting (same difference....)

Personally I am of the opinion that we underestimate kids a lot. If he's very upset, something isn't right. If OP has the gut feeling that he really should be deferred than that should be the plan of action. Otherwise the teachers need to be made aware that OP's son is not happy and that they have to keep an eye on the situation

Original poster

SummerBluez · 06/09/2021 17:57

Honestly I think mainly because it's just not the "done thing."

His nursery keyworker said he was ready so DH was dead set on him starting this year.

OP posts:

TSJ19 · 06/09/2021 18:01

Hi my eldests birthday is the 27th August so he was just 4 when he started reception. I felt exactly the same as you but im so glad we didnt defer him. He did really struggle at first and did have lots of tears but he soon settled and it really helped him with his confidence.

Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo · 06/09/2021 18:02

I would defer. There is such a huge difference between ‘coping’ and ‘thriving’ and he sounds as though starting at CSA would be a really good thing for him.

I’ve taught for years, including in Reception, and it’s never been the wrong decision for the child to wait until CSA.

MrsBobDylan · 06/09/2021 18:03

I would defer if you can, especially since he would be able to start reception next year and be the oldest.

I am a late summer born and eventually repeated year 8, it was great and I felt the 'same age' as the other kids for the first time.

Go with your gut, he is so young and UK schooling is pretty full on. Another year and he will be bigger and completely ready to enjoy school.

Bobholll · 07/09/2021 07:03

As an ex teacher, this sounds more like a problem with school than your child. Ripping a key ring off a bag is really quite aggressive behaviour, have you spoken to the teacher about it? That would upset even the oldest of children!

Elbowing in the head is potentially just a complete accident. Kids commonly crowd together or if they were say clinging on a frame, get in each other’s way with their clumsy limbs. You say the teachers don’t know. They can’t watch everything. Talk to them & find out what might have happened. You should know this if you are an ex- teacher! Communication is key if you have any concerns.

Crying is not unusual in the first week or so with some children. It’s usually brief & just a moment when they miss home. It’s normal and any good teacher, TA or lunch staff would comfort them & make sure they are OK. I’ve done it many a time as a early years teacher.

Can you look at a less extreme option - drop him to half days for this term & see how that goes? You can legally request this is done. I’ve had half day kids in my classes before, it does help some children who are genuinely at the younger end with everything (regardless of their birthday to be honest). It hinders others who are far more ready for school than their parents will believe. Could be an option that works for you.

RadioPenguin · 07/09/2021 07:11

You've said in your gut you knew he wasn't ready. I would request a meeting with the Head and discuss. It is trickier now as he has started school. There is a fantastic FB page- Flexible School Admissions For Summer Borns which will give you all of the info you need.
My DS turned 5 just over a week ago and has just started reception after being deferred. Not the norm here either. No SN. Just knew he wasn't ready last year.

Sirzy · 07/09/2021 07:17

I would worry that by deferring now you would risk giving him a year of thinking school is scary and worrying which could make it even harder next year.

Talk to the teacher about the book bag. Maybe do some role play at home about telling teachers when someone does something that he doesn’t like to help give him the words and the confidence he needs.

Good luck hope he has a better day today

WillaWeatherspoon · 07/09/2021 07:41

Join the Flexible Admissions for Summer Borns facebook page, there will be other people in the same boat on there and they have good advice.
I would defer in your shoes. I sent my summer born to school at just turned 4 because he was academically ready and the size of a 6-7yo, but he wasn't emotionally ready and he's struggling now with the transition to y1 as it's much less play-based.

grey12 · 07/09/2021 10:32

@SummerBluez

Honestly I think mainly because it's just not the "done thing."

His nursery keyworker said he was ready so DH was dead set on him starting this year.

DD's nursery said she was fine to start reception and I (kind of) quote: "there are kids in the school in year 3/4 that still can't read or write, so she'll be fine"

not what we expect for her....

MIL has horrible memories of school, she really struggled so, since hearing her experiences, I am much more aware of how my kids react to school, how happy they are when they wake up to go to school

HSHorror · 07/09/2021 11:13

Can he get back into nursery though.
Once they do the audit then the funding has gone to the school. I think thats sometime in oct.
My dc1 went at 4 it was awful. Lots of issues. Still ongoing into nearly end of primary. Now with issues of just not doing pe and school not even telling us. Again didnt do the run on sports day and again they didnt notice or tell us.

Likewise th students have a choice of doing the harder maths and dc1 doesnt bother.

Dc2 is csa and has so far been fine. Im expecting more issues now with the harder work in y1.
But the difference is huge. Eg same child at 5 not that great at number bonds now at 6 fluent. With no real work. !! Although socially it's hard to know dc2 isnt popular but that may be - she focuses on 1 friend. And she missed half of the nursery year due to covid and then obviously 8w of reception. Also she is trying to be friends with the ones 9m younger so.that would have been an issue if she were in y2 now.

simonisnotme · 07/09/2021 15:33

Its day one, have a word with the teacher get their take on it and then decide although i doubt the nursery could have him back as his funding has probably finished

mayofan · 08/09/2021 06:40

You don't have to request to defer a whole year. I think you have the right to keep your son at home this year until later in the year (until April), whilst keeping his place open - or to send him in part time. You won't be wildly popular with the school - but could be something to consider? Having said that, you would then reduce his time in Reception. Personally, I agree with some others that it's worth waiting a while longer yet, to see if things improve.

JohnnyEnglish · 08/09/2021 23:12

@SummerBluez how is your DC?

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