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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Stop me from losing my rag with the teacher tomorrow................

20 replies

meggiesmummie · 29/11/2007 21:50

Feel free to tell me if I am being unreasonable...........

DD is 4 and just started full time at school. She is very happy at school and seems to be settling OK but last week her teacher asked me to come in when I picked her up and sat and talked to us both about the fact that she is 'sad' with DD because she is 'nasty' to the other children and is also not trying hard enough with her work.

DD looked totally perplexed but we ended up leaving with the prospect of a smiley face chart for this week. 4 sessions a day and a face for each session (green yellow or red)and a target of 15 green facesover the week.

Now I am under no illusion that DD is an angel, but she is not really that naughty and I have certainly not known her to be nasty. Further questioning of her teacher and it seems that she is actually bossy with the other children (I don't think that is the same as nasty). The thing is she constantly plays role play type games and schools is the favourite at the moment. Everything that I can hear her tell her bears and dolls at home is word for word what her teacher says in the classroom and I suspect this is what she relays to the other kids when they are playing. But she really doesn't seem to understand that she is being bossy.

As for the not trying hard, yesterday she got a sad face for not trying. She had been asked to write the numbers 1 to 12 in order on a series of people and she kept writing 1 and 4(as these are the only numbers she can write at the moment) and when asked to do it again she just did the same again. So apparently because she didnt write the other numbers she isn't trying. When she came home with Granny and they tried together, the first thing she said was 'I don't know where to start'. Isn't that exactly what they should be showing her?? not just telling her off for not trying?

Granny was told by the teacher yesterday (within earshot of DD) that if she didn't start trying she would be moved down a group and would have to miss some of her playtime!

Am I being oversensitive? This just seems hugely OTT for a 4 year old and I can't help but feel that if they tried teaching her how to write she may feel more inclined to try. (although obviously I don't know exactly what they have done!) Have decided to go in and see the teacher tomorrow but I'm so cross that I need to think of a way of putting my point across without losing my patience.

Any thoughts?

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noonar · 29/11/2007 21:54

meggie, i'm too tired to type you the long reply that you deserve, but.....you are right. the teacher is nuts... i am a teacher, btw, so i know one when i hear about one

hippipotami · 29/11/2007 21:58

meggie, my dd is also 4 and has started reception fll time. Your dd's teacher is nuts!!
In dd's class they are encouraged to write numbers adn shown how to do it. They work for two stints of 10 minutes, the rest of the time is free play.
Your dd's school seems full-on learning. Moving down a group?? Missing play time??? Please speak to the teacher because this is odd!

Feenie · 29/11/2007 22:02

I am a teacher. This is way OTT for your 4 year old. Make sure you make her understand that she only knows 1 and 4, and genuinely has no idea where to start. Cow!

Feenie · 29/11/2007 22:02

The teacher that is! Sorry, had a govenors' meeting till half past 9, and am really tired.

noonar · 29/11/2007 22:04

feenie- are you me??

FozzieKbear · 29/11/2007 22:05

You are not being over sensitive at all.

What about positive praise and all that? Telling a 4 year old she is nasty and does try and gets a sad face for not trying.

I would go ballistic.

juuule · 29/11/2007 22:08

I think I'd lose my rag, too.
Yanbu and you are not being oversensitive.

Original poster

meggiesmummie · 29/11/2007 22:08

Thanks - feeling much better already........

Not being very experienced with the whole primary school thing I wasn't sure what to think!

Starting to think of how to be calm but firm tomorrow

OP posts:

FozzieKbear · 29/11/2007 22:10

Yes, don't go in guns blazing. Be calm and reasoned and you will deal with it better and get your point across.

good luck

Feenie · 29/11/2007 22:11

Noonar - lol!

Jez, am too tired to type 'governors' properly.

funnypeculiar · 29/11/2007 22:12

Um, she sounds a bit mad.

I suspect you need to understand a bit about

what does she define as being 'nasty (not a phrase I associate with teacher feedback...). Has she explained exactly what she wants ito 'appropriate' behaviour?

Can she explain what exactly would consititute a smiley & sad face - it all sounds very vague to me - I wonder how much your dd understands

what makes her feel that your dd is not trying as opposed to not having the ability? How does she recommend managing this (other than punishment and humiliation, obviously...)

Desiderata · 29/11/2007 22:15

meggie, the school is totally out of order.

Really, it's ridiculous to expect a four year old to rattle this stuff out. I would go further and speak to the LEA. Sometimes you get a bad apple teacher. If you stir things up a little, you'll probably find that you get a lot of support ... from other teachers!

Fingers crossed for you, girl! She's your daughter, you know her best. If they don't change their tune, take her out of school for a while. She doesn't legally have to be there at four.

largeginandtonic · 29/11/2007 22:19

How awful! Your poor dd, not unreasonable at all.

I have had several children go through reception and have never heard anything like it! 'Nasty' is not a word that should be used either.

I would remain calm and talk to the techer but possibly ask the Head to be present too. How sad for your dd first experience of school to be like this

Good luck tomorrow.

DANCESwithHughJackman · 29/11/2007 22:22

Another teacher who thinks that the school is being way OTT. Raise your concerns, I would particularly emphasise the labelling of a child as 'being nasty' at this stage of their schooling. Ask for specific examples. Also make clear that your child CANNOT perform the tasks set and is not being difficult/not trying. Good Luck.

Heated · 29/11/2007 22:28

No, I wouldn't be happy, either as a parent or as a teacher.

It sounds like mistakes and poor judgement an inexperienced teacher might make. Is she?

Children that age are 'bossy' (I'm not sure I'd even use that word) and it's part of their learning process to negotiate their relationships with their peers; not something that can be enforced on a child by the will of the teacher or a blooming star chart. It's just part of their development.

colditz · 29/11/2007 22:33

teacher is being unrealistic

Total empathy. Try not to physically remove her spleen, it doesn't go down well.

Original poster

meggiesmummie · 29/11/2007 22:41

Thanks for your thoughts, very helpful.

As far as i know she has been a teacher at the school for a number of years and has a very good reputation. In fact I have to say that actually up until now I had liked her so I feel a bit disappointed. I suppose there is a little part of me that wonders whether my DD is being difficult and that this is a side of her that I don't know!

Nonetheless, I still think this would be OTT and that telling her she is 'nasty' is not helpful. I have tried v hard to make her understand about the bossy bit but its not something you can explain easily to a 4 year old. I agree that this is something that they learn to work out for themselves at this age!

My biggest worry is that she will start not wanting to go in the morning. At the moment she is quite happy to go in (which has been a pleasant surprise as she has been v clingy in the past)

As for the learning part, she has made a number of suggestions for things that we can do at home which I don't mind but it's quite tricky when shes tired at the end of the day.

Don't you wish you could be a fly on the wall and see what is really happening!

OP posts:

hellywobs · 03/12/2007 15:56

It's totally inappropriate to call a child nasty. They will start to believe it. I remember having a go at my son's nursery when they said he had not been very nice today because he had bitten someone (he was under 2 years of age at the time). I waited a week then told the nursery manager that I would prefer the word "naughty" (which is a HUGEe non-no, not sure why)as it means exactly that and does not mean a child is "not nice".

I would listen to the teacher carefully, replay back to them what they have said and then ask them what strategies they are using (you have mentioned the "star" chart). Also ask how they are differentiating the curriculum to support your daughter's learning. And say that "nasty" is not a word you wish to hear used.

I have a similar meeting about my 5 year old son in reception this week - because of "issues" which I believe are not sitting still long enough in circle time. My son is making good progress academically so my aim is to get him to toe the line without him losing his current liking for school. Like you I wish I could be a fly on the wall!

NAB3littlemonkeys · 03/12/2007 15:58

Wrong wrong wrong!

Not sure how to handle this but calling your child names and talking baout her in front of her is way off.

LadySnowsAlot · 03/12/2007 16:05

the child should not be labelled with naughty or nasty. it's the behaviour that gets the label,

e.g.
"xxx you are being nasty"

becomes

"shouting at other children is an unkind thing to do"

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