Does anyone elses DH over-react when their darling DD's are involved in school/playground problems?

[sandyballs]

This morning I've had to stop DH from marching into the head's office regarding our 6 year old DD and another little girl in her class.

The pair of them don't get on, but I'm pretty sure it is six of one and half a dozen of the other, so I've tried where possible to not get involved in their petty little fall-outs. I just think girls are like this, falling out, making up etc etc.
And as long as it doesn't become too serious I'm happy to take a back seat, although I have asked DD to try and stay away from this girl and play with others, to avoid confrontation.

Last night DD was quite upset - she said this girl knocked her lunch over the floor and she had to share her sisters. Apparently the dinner ladies didn't do much about it. So I was cross about that and said I would speak to her teacher today. I also asked DD if she had provoked her, but she says not. Obv I don't know the full story, only what DD says.

Well DH went berserk. Saying I was being too laid back it, it was bullying, we need to both go in and speak to the head etc etc.
I just think he sees DD through rose-coloured specs and thinks it is all one-sided when I realise she is no angel.

I'd appreciate your thoughts, am I being too laid back, what would you do? Sorry this is to long. I did speak to the teacher this morning and she was surprised that she had heard nothing about yesterday's lunch time incident.

No I think you are right not to go marching up there without all the facts, my dh is like this about our DD. So I sort all the school stuff like this out myself.
Ask the teacher to look into it for you, if you're worried but, girls (as you say) are like this.

I think you're doing the right thing

The joys of daddys little girl eh ?

Dh would have probably have tried to call an emergency governers meeting and get the school closed down!

You are right, your husband should take your advice. You are the sort of parent that teachers really appreciate, those that realise that there is often more than one side to a story. You have handled the whole thing really well imo.

ds is too young so not the same, but before dh did as much childcare as he does now, he used to totally take everything ds said at face value (still does, a bit). I kind of like that as I think it's nice for ds to have a parent who is so gullible completely on his side, but ds is only THREE and I do feel like a hard b**ch occasionally just because i take his comments 'in context' - e.g.it's bedtime, he's exhausted, he is determined at all costs not to stay in his room, so his statement that his foot hurts does not require immediate attendance at A&E, nor does his claim to be hungry (after 2 plates of pasta and 1 of ice-cream) require parental thundering down to get milk and biscuits.

I think it can be hard for the non-primary caregiver to understand that small children don't say things for the same reasons adults say them. Though am always slightly worried that I am the cow here. It is noticeable that this is improving now that dh does a good 23 hours a week exclusive childcare.

Thanks, I appreciate your replies. DH seems to think I'm failing DD in some way by not backing her up all the time and being more sympathetic. I know that she would never have knocked someone's lunch over like that and would never hit another child, but she does have rather a nasty tongue on her and can say some horrible, hurtful things. But when I try to explain this to DH he plays it down, doesn't like to think his precious girl could possibly be in the wrong. He often says to me that she's 'misunderstood' . By him maybe, not be me.

Yes yes yes yes yes!! you could be describing my dh and my dd there!!

He drives me mad with it

My dd, aged 7, will freely admit to me (although not to daddy) when the 'fall out' has been her fault ...I know that its six of one and half a dozen of the other, the teacher knows that and dd knows that, but dh??? Nope ...he refuses to acknowledge the possibility, lol.

He is forever telling her who she can and can't should and shouldn't be friends with

He see's her as a little angel ...but i guess thats a daddy's prerogative, right?

Oh Dh is the same. When DS started playgroup there was a bit of a bruiser of a child there who kept punching and pushing DS - but they were only toddlers so what can you do really apart from remove them from each other. On the third week there this lovely child bit DS, which of course I was furious about but again what can you really do when they are that little. DH's response is "When are you going to get a grip of this situation and start protecting your son - this is BULLYING!!!" Quite what getting a grip of this situation involving two toddlers would be I can t imagine.

Sadly nothing has changed even now DS is older so I just avoid telling DH things. He is the King of the Overreactors and usually manages to find a way to blame me.