I saw a teachers asst pull/tug my DS 6 hair. What now?

[Sixer]

Through a gap in the covered windows, whilst the children were lining up to leave. I witnessed my DS6 do something to the hair of a little girl in front of him. She was smiling. I thought he was combing her hair. It was obviously a gentle action. I then saw an assistant snatch away what was in DS hand, point her finger in his face, then pull/tug a pinch of his hair!. I was gob smacked. Now DS is no angel and has been in big trouble at school before. I spoke with him, he said he was putting a sticker in the girl's hair. The assistant pointed her finger in his face (approx 10 cms from his face)and told him not to do that again, then the tug/pull of hair was because 'you could hurt her hair whilst taking the sticker out'.
Please, I feel this wasn't right. What exactly are teachers and their assistants allowed to do to a child. I know one of the assistants smack/tap him on the arm when he isn't listening. Although this just doesn't sit right with me. What do you think, and how would you approach this, if you did.

I was responding to this "I know one of the assistants smack/tap him on the arm when he isn't listening." from the OP. Tap on the shoulder fine, smack or hard tap on the arm is not. I don't think a child would tell you what the teacher did unless the child was uncomfortable with that. My ds hardly tells me what goes on in his nursery, but if he came home and said his teacher tapped him on the arm I'd know that the very fact he has told me this is of significance.

That sounds better but I still don't think tapping can be described at 'touching them roughly'

Sixer - I am aware that we have got sidetracked here...

Margoandjerry - lol at you getting excited about your boss tapping you!!!!

Sixer - was your son upset?

You saw this from a distance without hearing what happened. Could it be that the flinch was just because her touching his hair was unexpected rather than she 'tugged it'?

I does sound reasonable that she was just demonstrating hair pulling rather than actually pulling your sons hair.

If your gut feeling is that it looked aggressive I think you should have a word with the class teacher.

Actually I am many long years in education, what we are trying to establish is whether the TA ought to be.

What is unreasonable about what I posted? I was asking a series of question for clarification because what you decide or not to do has serious ramifications. Given you were outside the window I was surprised you didn't pursue it directly with the TA or teacher, since I imagine it is what most MNs would do, or is it a matter or interpretation, given where you were, which is why I asked about your ds' vp?

If I saw a child being touched inappropriately it would be my duty to report it.

Does this happen when other adults in the room?

I may be coming across as spiky, sorry. I'm now just getting a little frustrated. What i witnessed today was shocking, i am shocked that the OP has not been read properly before folk gave advise. I came here for advice and help and am willing to take on board advice from all on this. My OP is about a teachers assistant pulling/tugging my ds's hair whilst explaining to him "you don't do XYZ because it could hurt". Yet she clearly hurt my DS with her actions, making him flinch. So, as a parent, what is the best way to approach this?

Sorry if you think people have been unhelpful. It just wasn't clear from the OP whether she hurt your son or that he was upset.

Sixer, I think we've all read the OP.

But in response, I would go to the head tomorrow morning and explain what you saw. Don't be persuaded to change it or doubt it in anyway. Say that this is not the way you expect your child to be disciplined at school and you would hope very much that it does not happen again.

I would also ask other parents how they feel about this TA and what their children have said to them. Could be that she makes a habit of it and only by parents communicating do you know how serious it is or isn't.

What did your DS say about it Sixer?

sxer - I did give mya dvise in my post:

The pull of the hair is not appropriate. I would mention it to the class teacher and see what response I got. If not satisfactory, then go to the head.

It's very hard to read into an OP. You know what you mean, we can only read between the lines. You know your own ds and what he has said about it, also the tapping incident that you mentioned in the OP, we have used this as a history with which we get a glimpse of the disciplinary methods of this TA. Again, only you know what you meant by this and you know what your ds has said about it.

The advice on here is to report it.

OOOh, I disagree with Rhubarb. I would speak to the school and let them respond before you start riling up the parents about an event you may have misinterpreted.

Message withdrawn

Depends dances, a discreet word with other parents can be very revealing. You could find out that a parent has had similar misgivings but thought she was the only one, or you might find others speak highly of her. I always try to ask other parents of kids in the same class if I have a problem, then I have a better idea if it's just me or not.

If it was me, i would go straught to the head. Im sorry but a TA pulling hair is not allowed. Its like the whole "how would you like it if i did it to you" type of things from what I have read.
I would not raise it with the TA, as I wouldnt feel it was my place to raise such a serious complaint with her.

HTH

Message withdrawn

I see your point Rhubarb but still I would let the school respond to you before speaking to other parents. If this TA has made a grave error and apologises appropriately they are going to find it hard to do a good job if they know that hoards of parents think that 'she is the TA who hits...' etc.

Speak to the class teacher/head, whomever you find the more approachable. Tell them your concerns/shock. Tell them you know ds was naughty but a TA acting agressively to aggression is not the lesson you want him to learn. Allow there may be more to it than what you witnessed but still a professional word to a professional is in order.

I agree that I would not recommend talking with other parents first. It could give other parents a very distorted view of this TA, before the full story is known - and mud sticks....

I also think you should talk with the class teacher before the head teacher. A head of year/key stage possibly.

LOL at Karen999 Actually we're quite a tappy company. My other colleague does a tap and a lower arm clench at the drop of a hat!

Sixer, I did read your OP and respond as best I could. Sorry you didn't find it helpful but if you ask for opinions, you tend to get them and they may not be the same as yours. Obviously you want to go to the school to complain and should do so if that's what you want.

Thank you all for clarification. Shall call Heads office in the morning. I've held back, because my DS has been in serious trouble at school. I really don't want to come across as a nuisance. (I speak with the Head at least once every 3 weeks at the mo, about DS behavior). I knew what i saw was wrong, i wanted to speak to DS first to get his side. What I didn't know was should I go to his teacher, speak to TA or Head. It was wrong what happened. DS even tugged my hair, to show me how TA did it to him.

Heated, thanks for your advise. My DS is NOT naughty, he occasionally does naughty things though. There is a difference.

I#d have to have said something there & then though. Like when they came out of the room I would have went back in & told them what I had seen.

Go to the class teacher, she is the one who will have worked in close proximity with the TA & should be able to put your mind at ease re: tapping/smacking.

straight to headmaster with official complaint, ask for response within 1 week and plan of action

I woudln't go to the TA, I'd go to the Head or the Teacher. I am a TA and that is just not allowed. You don't try and hurt the children, no matter what they do!