Impartial opinion required!

[Shad2021]

My 8 y.o daughter is an only child who has found the last 18 months really tricky with all the home learning. She has been lonely and missed her school friends so much during the time we were all at home.
She has 3 special friends in her class at school and we have been lucky that they are good friendships, with no fallouts at all and the four of them get on brilliantly.
We have found out this week that in September, all 3 of her special friends will be in one class and she is in another. To say she is devastated is an understatement and we have had tears pretty much continually since they were told at school (which as a side issue is a crazy way to announce it in my view).
My husband is furious and all for going into school to demand that they move her into the other class. I’m trying to be reasonable about it, and understand why the school would do this but am failing miserably. I just don’t understand why they would put the other 3 in the same class and leave her with children that she is not really very friendly with.
Can anyone give me some advice - am I being unreasonable in my feelings that this is a ridiculous situation and I cannot understand why they would do this to my child, who has found it so difficult to form meaningful friendships because of having such a period away from school and with the fact that she is an only child, these other girls are literally her world? Or should I be seeing it as a good chance for her to form other friendships?
I honestly can’t see the wood for the trees on this, and what to do for the best - would the school even be able to change it if I kicked up a fuss? I’m not a parent who makes a lot of noise and it’s so obvious that those who do are treated better (front row at sports day in allocated seating etc). Is it time I started shouting louder to stand up for my child who will now spend the next two months feeling miserable about September or do I sit back and try and embrace it. We all know that Mummy Bear instinct kicks in when our children are upset and I just don’t know what to do for the best so would be so grateful for any advice anyone could offer. Thanks in advance!

This happened to my daughter when she moved up to secondary school. I said she had to go with it. The first half-term was hard and she was often upset. One day she refused to go and I took her in the car. She refused to go in so I went into the main entrance with her and spoke to her head of year. He moved her and we've never looked back.

My honest advice would be to ask the school to explain their rationale for the division of your daughter from her friends. Ask them if they have considered her only child status and the impact and ask them to reconsider.

If they do then that's great. If not, you can legitimatly revisit it in September if she doesn't settle.

I think you’ve got nothing to lose speaking too then. They might still say no but if you don’t ask & explain your daughters upset, you’ll never know! They may have just not thought it through very well or maybe they’ve been juggling other friendship groups and your daughter was just unlucky as someone had to make the cut etc. But I’d def talk too then (calmly, don’t go in in a rage!) and ask why they considered it OK to split her away from her friendship group..

How many classes per year?

And pp said, if they say no & your DD remains unsettled and upset in September, you can revisit and keep pushing.

I’m quite glad we have one form entry & will avoid this 🙈 although I’m sure it’ll bring it’s own issues!

I am a teacher and I would talk to them. When we change classes we try and make sure they are with someone they like unless there is a really good reason such as poor beh. They should have put two in one class and two in another. I would approach it calmly as it may be due to someone in SLT doing the classes and not asking for input from the class teachers. Make it clear you aren't asking for the whole friendship group but for her to be with one of her friends at least. Friends are important for kids and to pretend otherwise is nonsense.

Absolutely speak to school. Class lists are tricky and occasionally you miss something like this. I would have no problem at all with a parent requesting a move.

Same thing literally happened to my daughter last night, two classes have been split into four and she’s the only one who doesn’t have a single friend in her new class. The difference is she’s putting on a really happy face and keeps saying “it’s an opportunity for me to make new friends”. It’s clear this is coming from teachers and she doesn’t quite understand. I’m in a really tough spot - I’ve mentioned it but they’re saying she’s fine and that’s that, but I know when it comes down to it her three closest friends are together in another class and she has no one.
I have raised it and absolutely think you should too.

I would definitely raise it with the school

Talk to the school.
They may not be able to move her, but they might be able to reassure her and help with friendship issues.

Looking at this from a different angle - whilst the children are in class they are supposed to be working so it shouldn’t matter who’s in the classroom with them. The classes will be together before school, at break and lunch times and after school, so all the social times.
I would email the teacher and ask how the decisions were made to split the class, and specifically why your dd has been moved away from her friends. I’ve worked in schools where classes have been split - it’s almost always based on need, so children who may need additional support may be in 1 class with additional staff, where there is a clash of personalities children may be split, or even splitting classes based on having a spread of ability across both classes. It’s rarely a random split.

@helterskelter3

Absolutely speak to school. Class lists are tricky and occasionally you miss something like this. I would have no problem at all with a parent requesting a move.

If there had been a specific reason then you may not be able to change the decision though.

I would speak to the school.

Even if they can’t or won’t move her, if you speak to them they’ll be aware that she may need extra support with friendships next year.

I think you are being over the top. Class us for working and she will see friends at breaks. Our ht would not move kids. I fact they intentionally split some up (which i do think is cruel).
I do agree that telling them in middle of day at school is a mistake. Because you have some really happy ones some sad. One reception kid got very distressed and sounded like they got taken home.
Also an only child shouldnt be exceptional circumstances requiring special treatment. In fact it's easier to have play dates and go to parties.

I doubt they will move them-very few schools will change as it opens the floodgates.

But I wish they would stop this idea of changing the classes round every year. Yes, sometimes you get uneven classes that benefit from being shuffled, but it seems now to be done for the sake of it.

They can see each other during lunch/doesn't make any difference? Really? Well, with covid that hasn't always been the case has it? There's no guarantee that they won't be returning to class bubbles during next year for part of the time if not all.
But even if they don't: School trips, partners in class, PE, lunch when they're told to sit with their own class, assemblies... even the point that they've been in trouble and need a sympathetic smile-all times when having a friend in the class matters.
And when you have 3 in one class and one in the other, the other one will be the odd one. They'll refer to something in class, or be working together etc.

My observation having watched it done many times is it benefits the sociable ones who are happy to move on and add more people to their friends' list. However those who find making friends hard it doesn't help at all, it just unsettles them. That's the wrong way round-the children it needs to benefit are those who find socialising difficult.

Speak to school rationally. I've see all sides of this. Only they will know their rationale. Ask that they review if she remains really unhappy