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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DD only child from Nursery…

50 replies

ListenLinda · 06/07/2021 19:42

Hi.
It is becoming apparent that DD is the only one from her Nursery who is going to the school she is going to.
She is a confident little girl who plays with anyone and I wasn’t worried at all, thought she will be fine and make friends.
But I am second guessing myself now!
Has anyone else had this, can you reassure me that she will be ok and make friends?
Primary Teachers, does this happen a lot and is there something in place for the kids to mix so that they don’t all stick to groups they know?
Maybe I am overthinking it but I am having an attack of the Mum guilt this evening

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Anise7438 · 06/07/2021 20:48

Mine was, he was fine.

Original poster

ListenLinda · 06/07/2021 20:50

Thanks everyone.
I’m going to the school tomorrow to buy her jumpers and cardigans, would it be an idea to ask about a parents whatsapp group while there?
As I said, I don’t think I will know any of the other parents and I won’t be doing every single pick up as I work. Be nice to have somewhere to keep up with things.

OP posts:

Spacemonkey2016 · 06/07/2021 20:51

My son is the only one going from his nursery, and there are 15ish going from the attached preschool. I'm not really giving it a second thought. I genuinely can't remember the last time my DS went to a playground/soft play/whatever, and didn't make friends with a random child. I think young children are very good at making new friends.

IWantT0BreakFree · 06/07/2021 20:53

Will you be doing the school run? DH does it 99% of the time (he WFH) and he's managed to get friendly with most of the mums and dads of the kids in DD's class (the ones she is friendly with). Now that people have started doing small birthday parties again there's a bit more WhatsApp action.

Honestly I wouldn't overthink it. Just do what you can to build confidence and independence in your child. The rest will follow.

Original poster

ListenLinda · 06/07/2021 20:56

I will be there 1 or 2 days out of the 5, due to work. Probably a good idea to see if there is something for parents then!

OP posts:

Bambam2019 · 06/07/2021 20:59

I work in a nursery, we often send children to schools where they are the only ones going, and they are fine! Plus, some children don’t go to a nursery at all, so it happens more often that you realise I bet.
One of the soft play places near us do a play session in the summer for a couple
Of different schools, where if your child is starting reception you go along on the day that their school is having their play session. It’s a chance to meet other kids and parents in an informal setting!

APeakyBlinder · 06/07/2021 21:12

@ListenLinda

Thanks everyone. I’m going to the school tomorrow to buy her jumpers and cardigans, would it be an idea to ask about a parents whatsapp group while there? As I said, I don’t think I will know any of the other parents and I won’t be doing every single pick up as I work. Be nice to have somewhere to keep up with things.

WhatsApp groups are arranged by parents so the school won't know and chances are there probably won't be one yet- have a look on Facebook though as it's common for groups to be started ahead of the new reception kids coming in (again set up by parents). And don't worry, your DC will settle in no time- reception is great fun!

Icannever · 06/07/2021 21:35

This happened to my eldest and he was very shy and quiet. Happily he made friends straight away with another boy who had also just moved in and didn’t know anyone. They are still best friends seven years later 😊

Bear2014 · 07/07/2021 10:29

It'll be fine. Some kids from our DD's nursery went to the same school as her but as it was a 4-form intake she was the only one in her class. I actually think it helped her to throw herself into school and make new friends without having the baggage of existing friendship groups from day 1.

Hersetta427 · 07/07/2021 12:51

Some children don't even go to nursery and manage just fine - you are overthinking this. PFB by chance?

Original poster

ListenLinda · 07/07/2021 13:31

@Hersetta427 yes as it happens she is our first born. I don’t think that has any bearing on being anxious about her starting school, I’ll probably be the same with DS when it’s his turn to go to school. We all just want to know our kids will be okay and happy.

OP posts:

Hersetta427 · 07/07/2021 13:34

She will be fine. Sounds like the anxiety is yours and not hers so please don't let your feelings affect her.

GingerbreadZinc · 07/07/2021 13:35

Both my DC were in this situation. They were absolutely fine and made firm friends in reception with kids they are still friends with today. 4 year olds are generally great, they don't have any qualms about new people.

Original poster

ListenLinda · 07/07/2021 13:42

@Hersetta427 it is my anxiety i’m sure, I was a shy child (so the complete opposite of DD), but the children I was in nursery with we went all through nursery, primary and secondary with so all new to me! I just want her to be happy.

OP posts:

Hersetta427 · 07/07/2021 13:50

Sounds like she is excited and outgoing so she will be absolutely fine. She is 4 - they make friends easily and by Xmas won't even remember the people from her nursery .

Starlightstarbright1 · 07/07/2021 13:52

My ds went with just a couple of children from his nursery. He never played with either so may as well gone alone.

He went to loads of parties in reception had plenty friends . In year one moved froendship groups and is still with them going into year 10.

Readinstead · 07/07/2021 13:57

Dgs 1 was the only one from his nursery group to go to a different school. As his start date approached dd got increasingly concerned as to whether or not she had done the right thing 'taking him away from his friends' etc. Dd asked the Reception teacher if he would be the only 'new' child and was told that there were another 7 or 8 from other nurseries and not to worry, they would all fight over the same red bike that someone else was riding whether they had been to the school's nursery or not!
On the first morning, dgs recognised a boy from induction day and was running round with him inspecting the playground equipment before the classroom door was even opened. That was that - he was settled!

cancancan · 07/07/2021 14:07

My DD didn't go to nursery but she started reception last year and didn't know anyone.
She is absolutely fine, she's made friends she plays with in school.

But as a parent I am on the "outside" of the social parents as they all had their kids together at the school nursery. But im not too fussed by that.

The school initially set up a Facebook group for the new intake and then parents set up a class group on Facebook and a what's app group.

Due to Covid there hasn't been any socialising outside of schools for the kids or the parents... that I know of. Hoping September will be different.

IWantT0BreakFree · 07/07/2021 14:13

She will be fine. Sounds like the anxiety is yours and not hers so please don't let your feelings affect her.

This is such a shitty thing to say. Insinuating that OP is somehow damaging her child when there's no suggestion of that whatsoever. But it is clear that she is anxious around her child starting school/doing the right thing as a parent (which is very normal) and you obviously know that comments like yours are likely to hit a nerve. I don't know why you would purposely try to make a stranger feel bad like that. I hope you've not taken it to heart, OP. There's always one.

My DD was the only one from her nursery at school too. Plus she was the very youngest in the year. She was absolutely fine. We prepared her for the transition as best we possibly could (not easy when there was a lockdown and everything was disrupted, no proper end to pre-school etc) and we did/continue to do all in our power to build her confidence and independence. I was VERY anxious about her starting school. I didn't have the best time at school myself and I was worried she would face the same challenges. But she is not me and I quickly realised that she was happy, settling in well and making some nice friends. In the early days that didn't involve knowing the other parents at all, so don't put too much emphasis on the WhatsApp groups.

There's nothing wrong with being anxious about your child going off into the world. It's very normal and very natural. They are our whole entire world - of course we want them to be OK and it's a brand new experience for both them and you. You will get used to it and things will fall into place quickly. Try not to overthink. I know it seems huge now, but by the first half term it will all feel very normal and run-of-the-mill.

motogogo · 07/07/2021 14:35

We relocated 6000 miles when dd was 5, missed reception completely and was just fine, don't overthink it

moimichme · 07/07/2021 16:33

Thank you, IWantT0BreakFree - that has cheered me up, too, after I've been having similar worries to the OP. My ds goes to a childminder and is an only child, and a bit sensitive I think. In general he gets along great with other kids we meet at the playpark, but obviously the past year hasn't been ideal for little ones learning to interact with other children. Fingers crossed it will all be fine!

Florencenotflo · 07/07/2021 17:07

Dd had this. In her case though, she went to the nursery attached to the infant school, but was the only one in her class from Nursery. Because of covid they have stuck to class bubbles from day 1. So she didn't even see her nursery friends at break/lunch time. She was a bit upset on the first day, even though we had warned her, but she's been fine. Not many of the kids in her class knew anyone so they were all in the same boat.

PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears · 07/07/2021 17:21

You have nothing to worry about. At that age, it won't even occur to her that some of the others already know each other. She'll settle in and make friends, just fine.

DS went to a different preschool and not the one attached to the school he went to. It made no difference at all.

Original poster

ListenLinda · 07/07/2021 17:23

It is reassuring to hear from others who have been through the same! I am a born worrier as my DM says
DH is of course just going with the ‘what’s the big deal’ approach!

OP posts:

Madcats · 07/07/2021 17:33

That was us 9(!) years ago. There was a local pre-school that you had to register for years before it dawned on me that nursery places might be scarce. About 70-80% of the children at the infants school went there. The headteacher was very conscious of this so I think they tried hard to identify suitable friends and rearrange seating plans.

We had a settling in system where the children only went to school either mornings or afternoons for about a month. Yes it cost us, but DD continued to go to nursery for a week or two and they were very good at taking time to hear all about big school.

We were also aided by a large number of September and October birthdays (and the parents were careful to invite the whole class).

Although they went to different schools from the age of 7 we are still friends with a lot of the families from those younger years. It's been fun watching them all grow up.

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