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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Regretting a school move decision

18 replies

Sunshine19852020 · 23/06/2021 21:44

Will try and keep this short - we have 4 children, eldest 2 are at secondary school. Others are in Yr2 and Yr4. My 9 year old has ASD, developed school anxiety and refusal, and after weeks of agonising, we moved both of them to a school 20 minutes away. (Old school was 3 minutes away and I’d been at that school 9 years taking into account my older kids. I was chair of ptfa and very much involved in the school. My closest friends were made there, who I speak to and see all the time). I miss the community terribly. My son, who was the reason we moved, is so much happier at new school. It was absolutely the right thing to do for him. He’ll go into year 5 in September. My daughter (who will go into Year 3) was really happy at the old school, had wonderful friends, but adapted really well to the move. She understood why we needed to do it. She still sees her old friends as they are all local, she does a club in the week with her old class and sees her best friend regularly in half terms etc. She has made some really lovely friends at the new school too.. my dilemma is, I miss her being at a local school, in her hometown. Play dates are difficult, she won’t go to secondary school with any of her new friends, and I just wish myself, and her, could go back. When my son leaves in 2 years, I can’t imagine having to drive 20 minutes to school each day, for another 2 years, and the reality is, for my son who will be at secondary school, it’s not going to be easy getting him to school and her to school, as they are in the complete opposite directions…

so… I could either leave things as they are, and just deal with any problems in 2 years. Or, I could move her back in 2 years when my son leaves primary school: but have to bare in mind it will be hard to move her when she’s going into year 5 as the friendships will he really formed. Or, move her back now whilst she’s still young, and just deal with 2 different primary schools for 2 years, but my DD would be with her old class, and they all live within a couple of minutes away. is that a crazy idea? I can’t move my son, he’s really much happier now, anxiety wise, and the whole reason for the school move originally was to give him a chance of being happy at school. Just find the 20 minute drive a bit full on sometimes!

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FortunesFave · 24/06/2021 05:17

I at first thought you were being unreasonable to consider moving your DD back to her old school but I do think it would be ok by the sound of it.

She would not be going into an unfamiliar place after all...have you discussed it with her at all?

Having said that...you know that your social life related to her old school won't last forever...that will eventually go away when she leaves.

AngelDelightUk · 24/06/2021 06:36

Personally I’d move her back now. There will always be someone who would be willing to watch her for 20 minutes if you get held up in traffic or whatever. I wouldn’t leave it for two years because that’s letting her get settled and uprooting her again

KibeththeWalker · 24/06/2021 06:43

If you are going to move her back I'd do it now rather then later. However, I'm not sure your motivation is that sound as it seems to be mostly about your own social life. You really can't base your life around a primary school, unless you plan to work there. You are moving your daughter again to delay the time when you have to move on.

stressfuljune · 24/06/2021 06:44

I'd move her back. There's ways you get round issue of two schools such as breakfast clubs / childminder drop offs etc

Original poster

Sunshine19852020 · 24/06/2021 08:53

Thank you.. I guess my biggest worry is how hard it would to move a girl going into Yr5, compared to when she’s going into Yr3. I think if I leave it 2 years she definitely wouldn’t want to move…

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Original poster

Sunshine19852020 · 24/06/2021 08:56

@KibeththeWalker

I totally get what you’re saying.. reassured, that although I miss being part of a local school as a parent, from a social life side, that won’t change. Some of my best friends have been made there and we all still get together and chat most days despite me not being at the school anymore. It’s more my DD.. and having her go to school with her friends all surrounding her, rather than 20 minutes away in a different town.

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DinosaurDiana · 24/06/2021 08:58

I’d do both schools for two years.

Original poster

Sunshine19852020 · 24/06/2021 08:58

@stressfuljune

I'd move her back. There's ways you get round issue of two schools such as breakfast clubs / childminder drop offs etc

Does it sound doable having 2 children at different primary schools and not totally crazy? Ironically when we originally left the old school a few people suggested could I leave my girl there and just move my son, but I was adamant I wanted them at the same school… maybe I should have listened!

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roguetomato · 24/06/2021 09:03

What does your dd wants to do?

Original poster

Sunshine19852020 · 24/06/2021 09:20

@roguetomato

What does your dd wants to do?

We’ve had 1 conversation with her, obviously didn’t want to put too many ideas in her head until we were more sure.. but she definitely doesn’t want to stay at the new school once her brother leaves.. she would like to go back to the old school as she loves her friends there, but she was looking forward to who her next teacher is at current school!

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roguetomato · 24/06/2021 09:38

I think it's really up to her, and if the logistics works for you. If she's ok to stay there until your ds leaves, make the decision when the time comes. She may still want to go back, she may decide to stay.
In a way, she has great opportunity to make so many friends, that's a positive side.

FortunesFave · 24/06/2021 15:25

I totally understand your fears about secondary school...and realising you've overcomplicated things by removing her as well as your son. Loads of parents deal with two kids in different primaries OP. That bit will be fine. I've also seen kids leave and then return to school...it's ok.

Beamur · 24/06/2021 15:29

If you can make it work, just move your son. Breakfast club/after school club or trade some playdates/holiday swaps with friends. Some childminders will do school runs with a bit of sandwich care

Original poster

Sunshine19852020 · 24/06/2021 17:54

@FortunesFave

Thank you.. really appreciate your comments of reassurance. I know in my heart the best thing would be to send her back, just been arguing in my head whether I’d look crazy!

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 24/06/2021 23:07

You have to just have confidence in your choice...then when people ask why, just say "We realised she was happier here plus secondary school practicalities...she's much happier now"

Or something. Nobody will bother asking after the first week.

Hoopa · 25/06/2021 12:24

Move her back! A happy child is gold especially as they move into the more difficult teenage years (as you know with two older ones!) x

viques · 25/06/2021 18:33

Well you either have the annoyance of children at two schools for the next two years, or the annoyance of driving one child back and forth in two tears time , or risk the possibility that there won’t be a place for her in two years or she won’t want to move having built up friendships at the new school.

If you can deal with the two children at different schools then change her now.

Also means that if your son finds secondary transfer challenging , which is something you are anticipating, having her in a closer school will make life much easier.

lanthanum · 25/06/2021 19:10

Provided you can get her a place in year 5, it sounds like she's the sort of child who will take it in her stride, but it might be better to move her back now if you can work out the logistics.

(Check with the school on places - if they generally have spaces, no worries. If they're full in her year group, you'd have to go on the waiting list for someone to leave. If they're nearly full, they might be nice enough to give you warning if the penultimate place fills, in case you want to jump in for the last place rather than risk not getting back.)

Given that it's your local school, and you have obviously have good links with other parents, are there any fellow parents who could help with the practicalities? If there's someone from your road who would be willing to have her walk home with their children, you might be back from the other pick-up by the time they're back, so it wouldn't be a huge imposition (except on days when they go straight on to swimming, or things like that - so you might need two families' help). Similarly, if you can drop her off at a friend's house in the morning, she could walk in with the friend's family.

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