Bilingualism with a late start?

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So DS is 5. My spouse is white English and I am Asian. In my country of origin nearly everyone is trilingual. English being the official language (it’s a former British colony), then our local mother tongue, and national langauge. I am fluently triliangual - native speaker fluency. It’s not a big deal there - normal life.

When I moved to the uk and much later when I had DS I unfortunately was wrongly told that me speaking my langauge to him would delay his language development (I know). As a result I only spoke one of my 3 languages (English) to him. Since his dad and I also only speak to each other in English - and since his relatives in my home doh try also speak English with native fluency - that was DS’s chance to learn another language just gone.

Needless to say I really regret this. Last year DD came along. She’s 16 months old and I have NEVER spoken a word of English to her. Only my langauge. And hey - she perfectly understands a huge range of sentences and words and says quite a few already. Of course! Despite no other exposure to my langauge and not hearing it in her environment (remember my spouse is English) - she’s soaking it in.

My question now is: is it too late for DS? He understands lots and lots. For example - he totally understands - come here, eat it up, sit down, wait, we are late, put your shoes on, etc - you get the gist. He just can’t speak it. At all. He is understanding even more as he’s hearing it spoken to his baby sister and is very keen to learn.

I feel a tad helpless as I don’t know where to start now. I can’t suddenly stop speaking English to him and suddenly endeavour to - dunno- teach him about planets and experiments and do his phonics and numeracy in another language! I can’t suddenly talk to him about his feelings and emotions in another langauge. What should I actually do at this point?

Obviously if i could turn clock back 5 years I would. It since I can’t what is feasible you think? Should I actively give him lessons in a focused way? Wouldn’t know where to start! It’s a not a European langauge with loads of apps and websites... :/

To top it all my entire family lives back there - nobody in UK - and because we are a former colony and speak English with native fluency - they all speak English to him - as let’s face it - 10 mins of a zoom once a week amidst busy schedules they’d rather hear how he’s getting on with cricket and reading and what not in a langauge they can actually speak to him in before he runs off without forcing language issues.

Grrrr. Not sure what to do :/. It obviously isn’t mandatory for him to be bilingual but it’s all sorts of good and I am trilingual so don’t want to deprive him...

Yes he’s understanding more ever since DD came along - he can’t speak it at all though except isolated handful of words.

Don't worry, he is learning by 'immersion', in Canada they tried 'total immersion' in schools to increase the number of French speakers.

They sent monolingual English speakers to schools with only French, spoken.

The children could answer questions in French or English but the teachers only responded in French.

As a PP said it's working with Welsh and I had a friend educated in South Africa who had some lessons in Afrikaans, some in English and some in a 'mixed class' where both languages are used.

It's normal to hear and understand before speaking any spoken language, children growing up with signed languages usually start producing language younger because they can control their hands sooner than they can their tongue / speech organs.

Be prepared for some fun in a couple of years when your DS tells you off for speaking English because that's 'not your language'

Neither Afrikaans or English are the languages of the majority of South Africans. They are the white languages.

Neither Afrikaans or English are the languages of the majority of South Africans. They are the white languages.

That's not relevant or true. People who identify themselves as 'Cape Coloured' have Afrikaans as their main language.

I doubt many South Africans speak all 12 official languages. You also have a number of pigins, creoles and dialects, things like Fanakalo.

Rhen of course you have SASL and its many dialects.

Definitely, your son will pick it up in no time. We live in Asia and my daughter went to an immersion Mandarin speaking school from age 2 to 6 years. We don't speak any Mandarin at home (only English). She is totally fluent in Mandarin, it's incredible. The challenge for us now (that she attends an English speaking school) is maintaining her fluency. You are so lucky to be in the position to teach your kids second and third languages, definitely do it! Such a great advantage for them.

Would singing songs encourage your boy to use his language-equivalents of ‘head, shoulders, knees and toes’ and ‘row your boat’ where he (and dd) gets to do the actions which might distract him from the ´oddness’ of using words with an unfamiliar mouthfeel?

May be try teaching him some simple children songs and rhymes that he can say to his sister as well, that way it's more of a game but he's practising speaking the language

Thanks very much! just in a week he's picked up lots with a bit of remmebering to speak to him in it and he's already had a 3 sentence conversation with me today in it :)

Is there a Saturday club he could attend to learn to read and write in your language?

I’m guessing you speak Cantonese?

Try songs. DS is in a German immersion nursery, has been for two years now, and he is exactly the same - understands everything, happily watches German tv etc, but flatly refuses to speak German (he has very good English language skills, and unfortunately he can express himself so well in English he doesn’t want to limit himself by speaking basic German. Which means the gap is now getting even wider…).

Anyway, he won’t speak German but he will very happily sing German songs. Presumably because he can’t just translate them into English? So maybe try some nursery rhymes.

So, I speak four languages. I'm raising my sons with only two for now as I don't want to confuse them too much. Anyway, we're in a spanish-speaking country and as I work full time they are exposed to a lot more spanish than French. I only speak french to them and when I have french-speaking guests at home really insist they do the same. Even so, he defaults to spanish to answer me. I'm planning on putting him into a french school soon so that should fix that (he does understand and speak french, it's just not his default language and I have to insist for him to use it).

My best advice is, don't make it a chore and don't put stakes on this. If it doesn't happen, then it doesn't. You tried to do what's best and were misguided, it happens. Put that behind you and focus on having fun. Make a game out of it.

A few suggestions :

• cards with animals/colours/shapes etc. The game is to say the right word.
• children's books (with pics obviously) in the target language. It's fine if he can't read it - you read it to him. Point the things to him and say their name in the language. I do that with my son and he loves it.
• speak the language to him. Repeat in english if he doesn't get it ; progressively he'll understand more and more
• songs and music in the target language, and kiddy programmes if you allow him to watch TV. (I don't allow mine but everyone's différent !)
• listen to radio/podcasts in target language while doing chores, cooking etc. He might keep picking up things especially if he already understands some.

When Covid allows, long summer vacations in your home country might also be a good idea !

Forgot to add, when my son replies to me in spanish, I repeat the sentence in french before answering. If I know he can say it in french already, then I ask him to repeat in french before I answer or give him what he's asking for.

Obviously if he got very frustrated I would let it go but usually he happily repeats the sentence as requested.

I'm keeping english for last because it's so omnipresent he'll have a ton of opportunities to learn it anyway, and study it in school.

No it’s not Cantonese or anything remotely similar :)

Thanks for ideas - no Saturday classes or schools around as it’s by no means a mainstream foreign langauge if you see what I mean. Doing flash cards, constant speaking and lots of songs and telly when we can. He loves it all and has begun to say a few words to me if reminded :)