OK - should I be concerned?!

[rydercup]

Hi - my DS1 has just started reception in a private school. He knows all his letters and numbers to 10 (doing basic adding and taking away). Is doing some of the longer sounds now e.g ee & or. He is just beginning to sound out new words - with support - but is starting to click and gets reading books to reflect this. His letter formation and writing is good (in my opinion - for a boy). I have just had a parents evening and have left feeling really flat.....his teacher informed me that he needs a lot of 'support', sometimes he just does not 'get' what he needs to do. Lots of 'good try' George in his writing book...I hate the word 'try'. She was a Yr2 teacher and I can't help feeling that she has rather high expectations of the children and where they should be....or....am in some sort of parent denial. Should also mention that he missed the first 3 weeks of the new term due to a broken leg!!! Advice please before I feel that I have failed completely!!

I don't think you have failed at all!! It sounds like he is doing brilliantly, especially after missing the first 3 weeks of term.
My dd has just started reception and is not doing longer sounds yet, and her handwriting is still hit and miss. Yet according to her teacher she is doing brilliantly. (and this is an ofsted outstanding school with mahoosive waitinglists)

I think the teacher (being a Y2 teacher) needs to adjust to teaching 4 year olds, but don't forget this is private school, I think they push them more don't they? (isn't that part of what you pay for??)

But really, he sounds like he is doing very very well!

Oh thanks so much - that makes me feel such a lot better. The sane part of me thinks she has high expectations - to be fair some of this is probably exaggerated by some kids in his class who are doing fabulously well (having been there since they were 3 - and I do think that makes a difference!). But I feel she should judge each child on their own merits too. Her style is so different to mine...she just doesn't seem a very positive and motivational person in my opinion....you know glass half empty - however, the kids love her. This stuff has put me in such a bad mood tonight...I have to shake it off and move on I think - more important things to worry. Thanks though for such a lovely supportive responsive.

My lad is also in reception and pretty much the same. He's so young and has plenty of time to get the hang of it.

Did the teacher explain what extra provision your son will get due to the difficulties he is experiencing. Did she explain how you can support at home too.

If I were you Id go back and explain that you want to support your son in every way possible and you would like to know how you can help your son at home (in a fun way) and for her to keep you informed of any progress, areas for development etc.

You really shouldn't worry. I've had similar comments from my daughters teacher and was very worried initially. I then got it into perspective, she's 4 years old. You're not born being able to concentrate for 10-15 minutes. It's an acquired skill. Also children learn in different ways. By half term my daughter only knew half the alphabet despite the whole alphabet being covered at school. I bought some Jolly phonics resources and within 1 week she knew the whole alphabet. Of course you can support your son at home and they tend to learn a lot better one to one at this age but certainly don't feel you need to push him, it's easy to get de-motivated as well at this age.

It will 'click' when he is ready. In the meantime, the main thing is to make sure your ds keeps enjoying school. If it makes you feel happier, then buy some fun-based educational tools such as jolly phonics books or cd's. But as I said, it sounds like he is doing brilliantly, so don't worry and be proud of your clever lad!

Hi - thanks for all the tips. I do quite a lot with him at home...we read his book every night and he has words to also learn which we spend time on. I bought a few of the jolly phonics books so will probably go through those with him again. Having slept on it (and chatted to a few mums this morning) feel alot better. I definately think she has high expectations and tends to focus in on the 'what they can't do' bit - which I did not expect to be honest. Like you all say, he is only 4.....I think its just very hard not to take this sort of stuff personally when I am a SAHM....its about so much more than academics...it would have been nice to hear what a kind, socially aware little boy he is...who tries really hard etc etc - but I did not get any of this........until I prompted her for it!!! Anyhow...I must let this drop...I have spent far too much time and energy on it already!! Thanks again though folks.

My daughter has just started reception class and is still struggling to learn her numbers let alone her alphabet. But the teacher is still pleased with her and said she is doing what they would expect of a 4 year old. If she didn't know her letters but the end of next term I will start to worry but I am just pleased she is willing to pick up a pencil now and try and do her name. I think children are expected to grow up to quick now, I'm sure when I was 4 I wasn't expected to know all this. school should be fun at this age, they will have enough stress when they are in year 2 with there sats!

To me the level he is at sounds absolutely fine, especially given that he has missed 3 weeks of term - quite a proportion. I think maybe you and her have communication/perception issues. But if he is doing as well as you say and he likes the teacher I think all is well, really.

Hi - thanks again folks. My next question is then....would you just leave things until the next parents evening or perhaps have a chat with her about 'how I felt' following my meeting with her yesterday. I am a bit of a firm believer in providing feedback promptly if you think there have been some sort of communication issues but I am also trying to balance the fact that she is also new to teaching reception and maybe her expectations will align themselves as time goes on. What do you think?

I would tend to leave it but keep an eye on how your DS is progressing and maybe have an informal word about how she feels he is doing in a month or so. I assume next parent's evening is Feb/March time.

rydercup
I would talk to her and try and find out if she has concerns that are above those she has regarding the other kids - to be specific about if she feels that your DS is finding things harder.
the reason I say this is that i used to get this from DSeacher in his first year (10 years ago) and that was because the teacher was used to teaching three years older and also was not allowing for the fact that girls are developmentally ahead and that DS was youngest in his year.
once I was able to get her to explain her concerns and include questions like " do you think it could be beacsue he is one of the yungest ?" it provided a nice reminder for her.
she was also not allowing for the fact that just because he was very good in some areas that did not mean he should be fab across the baord ( so very articulate does not equate to good at writing iyswim).
Most importantly I would find out what is going on because you don't want DS feeling uncomfortable

Hi - pagwatch...I did ask her that yesterday and she did not seem to suggest so...she referred frequently to leaving some of the children to get on independantly whilst she spent time with the others that needed more help in a smaller group i.e. when doing worksheets etc. My son is also quite reserved and I did question whether sometimes that gives the impression that 'he does not get it' (her words not mine). I also reminded her that he did not start at the school until he was 4 so of course does have some catching up to do versus some of the other children. Grrrrrr - she has made me so mad....think I will leave it until the next parents evening and see how the land lies. Like you say...he does love school and has no awareness of how he is doing compared to his peer group - even if he did...I am not sure he would be that bothered - which is great really!! Its always that fine balance between trusting your own instincts a bit and making sure that you are not in denial. Will let you all know how things progress!

good luck