Hi, all. (also posted in SEN).
First time poster here. Looking for advice or where I can turn to because at the moment I’m a bit lost. – Very lost. I know it’s a bit of a read – but if you can offer any advice id be so grateful.
I’ve been struggling with my 8yo son’s behaviour at school since September. He is persistently disruptive in class and has now been suspended twice. On the first occasion I was mortified – he struck a teacher. More recently, he has been suspended for general disruption, throwing things, kicking doors, not listening etc. He appears to have some sort of anxiety / anger problem where if he cant do a task, or doesn’t do it well, he rips it up, clears his desk and has tipped his table and chairs over. He has been sat alone at a desk at the front of the class since the first week.
I cannot stress enough that we (me and my wife) do not recognise this child. At home he is fine – sure there can be problems with his older brother (11Yo) but he would not dream of kicking the doors, walls, shouting at his parents or throwing anything. He is a lovely considerate boy, comes out with a few real gems, loves hugs etc. The behaviour at school is a total mystery to me, and he confesses he cannot control his anger when it ‘washes over him’.
We were told back in September there had been occasions where he had been difficult in class. This was euphemised, so we never really appreciated the gravity of it. This continued till mid-November when he was suspended for 2 days hitting a teacher. We engaged with the school and fully supported them, agreed the suspension was fair and that we would assist in any way possible. The SENCO / School stated that they wanted him to remain at school for mornings only, and that we taught him from home in the afternoon with work sent via google classrooms. This started from that point onwards, and continued until early March. We had become frustrated that after requesting review after 2 weeks (this became 3 weeks, then 4 weeks, then just didn’t happen) to look at the effectiveness of this ‘strategy’ we had not had a review to date. When the school opened up again, the headteacher called to say that our son will remain on half days, which I challenged. A review was set up for 2 weeks after that time, which headteacher did not attend, at which point I stated that my wife and I would be withdrawing our support for this strategy. It felt like the school were looking to dump the problem with the parents to maximise their resources, as our son was considered -resource intensive. (Headteacher stated to me that if we had a 1 to 1 resource, our son would be fine, but she did not have the budget). I have been called in 5 or 6 times to ‘reset’ him, when he gets heightened, I talk with him for 5 minutes to calm him down and he can re-enter the class.
We want him back in the classroom to learn, as his education and social interaction with other kids has been suffering badly. So we withdrew out support, and also asked for copies of everything. SIMS / CPOMS / all records relating to SEN. At this point, we can see the gravity of our sons behaviour, and the recorded incidents. Notes from October / November talk about getting Primary Behaviour Services involved – nothing has happened to date. Behaviour is extreme uncontrollable anger, manifesting as throwing, kicking tables and chairs, shouting, (but NEVER hitting another child). He is told to leave the class – sometimes he can self regulate – sometimes not.
The headteacher I am sure thinks this is a parenting issue, and that we are at fault. Unfortunately, she also started in September, as the previous head left. We had a great relationship with him, and he also knew my older son well. My 8Yo sons teacher also taught my 11Yo son, who became school prefect and knows him well, and so knows this is not any lack of parenting skills on our part.
I am now totally lost and don’t know what to do. He is such a nice kid at home, as good as his older brother, so I don’t know what’s happening in the school walls. This second suspension seems extreme, given that there are records of worse behaviour that he did not get suspended for – it seems now its personal, tit for tat. I requested full access to the records (not a small amount of office work) and they now go hard by the rules. They are now citing their behaviour policy, which they never did before. All trust with the school has been eroded (apart from his class teacher who does the best she can with 30 kids). Some of the referrals seem dishonest, stating ‘no parental cooperation’ and ‘child has an educational level of a 5 year old’, the latter firmly disagreed with by the class teacher.
Sorry it was a bit of a bumble, throwing thoughts onto a page.
I don’t know what resource there is available , who we can talk to. If anybody has any ideas pleas, I would be so grateful to hear from you.
Regards
Dad