School not helping

[Minesalargeginplease]

My daughter is in year 2 and is struggling to make friends (she made one best friend in yr1 who changed school and has not made others since). She says she is being bullied but when speaking to her this is more like being left out (on some occasions it has been hitting). Last year she resorted to scratching and biting herself and saying she didn't like life. She is very young for her age and can be hard work and I have asked three times for the senco to see her as this may be a reason she is feeling things in an extreme manner (her class teacher agreed) but this has not happened and I appreciate covid has slowed things down. Today she has come home saying she has been smacked in the face, poked in the eye and hit with a bat in the head (no mark but still) I received no accident slips. I can't help but feel that I the teachers find her annoying and leave her to struggle by but I hope I am wrong. I have raised this with the teacher, pastoral worker and head but I just get empty solutions that are not fulfilled. I don't know what to do anymore as changing schools may cause more harm than good! Any advice?

If she came home and reported this yesterday I would be repeating her complaint today to the teacher and asking for an explanation.

Did it happen as she said?
Did it not happen?
Did any happen?
Does her version or language differ from the teachers?
Was it a poke, a hit, a smack or is her perception skewed?
A child may say stamped on my fingers on purpose when a child is moving through children sitting on the floor and catches them. The hurt is the same but the perception varies.
If you establish it did happen what was the action taken?

Every time she reports something I would be asking the staff asap whilst it is clear in their mind.

Thank you for the advise, it's almost impossible to speak with anyone at the school and I am worried that things may become worse if I keep asking about the situation as things seem to be pushed on the pastoral worker who has little interaction with my daughter. We sent her with a letter to her teacher today to try open communication between them. I just feel helpless

You need to push for an assessment.
Also contact your school nurse and highlight that you have asked for an assessment, it hasn’t been done, and now she is complaining of being bullied/hurt at school.
Complain to the governors if you feel you need to.

I suggest keeping a diary of what she says has happened. The next step to escalate the situation of unfulfilled solutions is to contact the Chair of Governors.

Don't jump to Governors but follow the complaints policy.

If you contact Governors out of order they can not deal with the issue and are usually excluded from further involvement which may limit your options.

The complaints policy will be in the website.

Thank you, I think a diary will help me see any patterns so that's a great idea. The complaints procedure I've followed twice and been passed to the pastoral worker but I didn't use the word complaint so maybe I will have to be more formal and less like a distraught mum. The teacher left my husband a messaged and said she will call him tomorrow so fingers crossed we may move forward

If you have a complaint and do not pursue it to the end. The complaint is seen to have been dealt with.
Every time your child reports something check it out asap. This may help highlight an issue or make school reassess their provision, supervision, observation points or support.

If you think she has any kind of SEN then look at ipsea website for the model letter on asking for a ehcp needs assessment. There is no money for schools to get a EP in, but the LA has statutory duty that you can evoke. You might have to appeal but it's a very simple appeal at this level.

Everything your dd says, document and email to school. Some times its not quite as your child says.

For example, my son was strangled in school and I found out by accident via the nurse ( unforgivable that I wasnt told by the teacher on the day but...) he has a boy with behavioural issues in his class and my ds had to have the last word. Its unforgivable but it was unavoidable. When he was younger everyone was pushing him, hitting him, pushing him over. Turns out he has sensory processing disorder and every brush feels like assault.

But document everything. Even if school dont reply or they ignore you. This will create a paper trail and if your dd does have SEN like sensory processing issues, it becomes your evidence.

Might not be this at all but a paper trail will always be of benefit

That's great, she has some sensory issues with clothes but enjoys rough housing with her big brother but maybe it's different on her terms. I will certainly report all instances from now on. I did worry that it could result in it causing more issues for her but at this stage I think I have no other option. Thank you for all your advice x

You says it's difficult to speak to people, I understand that at the moment. Could you put your concerns in an email? At least that would start a 'paper' trail, as it were...

The teachers will not be leaving your child to struggle if people are actively hurting her and they know about it. You need to make sure she knows what to do when someone Is unkind to her, and encourage her to tell the adults in school.

If she does behave young for her age, that will probably be hard for her in Y2 where children seem to grow up very quickly. The school can’t force other children to play with your dd if they don’t want to. They can encourage games that involve everyone and have a rule that no one is left out of those, but it might be helpful if you were to role play with her in some situations where she’s asking to join in a game with others or other times she finds hard. Talk to her about what it means to be a good friend.

Sometimes children that age will get upset and feel like they are being excluded or picked on when other children don’t want to play the same game they do, even though they’d be welcome to join in the game they are already playing. It’s probably worth checking the situation isn’t something like that.

I have emailed and asked the teacher to call me but it's never her, always passed to someone else. While I appreciate that often it is my daughter being difficult / awkward which results in her not being allowed to join in with other kids ( when she asks to play with them) but then sitting her alone on a table when all other children are in pairs during class time cements her role as an outsider.

I know my child's faults and do not expect her to have an easy ride but I just want to support from them when she is physically hurting herself out of frustration

Thanks to all who have helped. The teacher did not know how my dd was feeling and how certain actions were perceived so dd has someone to sit with now. Also received a form for a specialist assessment for her so I think we may be on the road to a solution to manage the situation.

Thank you for all your replies, it's helped me feel more 'normal' about complaining, it's really not in my nature x

One of the things you learn as a parent is that you have to stick up for your child, even if it doesn't come easily. Otherwise it's possible no-one else will. So glad to hear that you have made progress .