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Primary education

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Not christened (Covid) so no school place?

77 replies

SteveyFluff · 18/04/2021 18:31

My DS starts school in Sept 2022. So he’s the next cohort in line to apply and get a place. But I didn’t take him to church as a baby because I was exhausted and suffering PND and birth injuries. In fact I didn’t even get dressed and go out of the house because I was so bad. I thought I had plenty of time to sort it out when he was a bit older and I was coping better. He was just getting old enough to be able to attend church when Covid happened. So he still hasn’t been christened or ever attended church.

I’m CEV and have been vaccinated but don’t know when I’ll feel safe to do those things. Now I’m worried he won’t get into the Catholic school next year because he hasn’t been christened and I’m scared to go to church. I hadn’t thought about it much but the news about school offers this week has brought it to the front of my mind and now I’m worried.

OP posts:
gottakeeponmovin · 18/04/2021 20:56

It sounds a bit of a stretch to me. I get that it may have been hard to arrange a baptism although I have no doubt the church would have arranged that had you asked but my church is doing online services and the fact you haven't approached the church or joined those online services would make me suspicious that you are just trying to secure a school place. Why could your partner not attend also? You are obviously more concerned about the school place than the fact you have been unable to attend church services in order to worship. It would be a no from me sorry

Lifeaintalwaysempty · 18/04/2021 20:57

OP I’d say get a letter from your previous priest, show it to your current priest and explain why you’ve not been able to attend since moving, and get your baptism booked in.

NerrSnerr · 18/04/2021 20:58

Do you know the priest OP? Could you email them or call to discuss?

Are you actually a practicing catholic or is it just about the school place?

Flipflops85 · 18/04/2021 20:59

That sounds like a rubbish situation. The main thing is that you’re usually a practising Christian, who attends church regularly. Did your husband/partner go to the new church at any point, whilst you were poorly?

Personally I would;
1- contact the church you intend to go to regularly, after covid, and book the Christening. I’m sure you’ll get supported, as you’ve just been in a crap situation - it’s not like you’re simply baptising for a school place.

2 - Contact the church that you attended regularly prior to your baby being born, and ask them to provide a letter that says you’re a practising Christian/ have regular church attendance etc

3- contact admissions/ the school and explain your unfortunate circumstances- I’m sure it will be fine. Fingers crossed your previous priest will do all they can to help you.

Good luck Flowers

Checkingout811 · 18/04/2021 20:59

Marmite27

DingDongThongs
in our country even in a faith school, the first places go to those in state foster care (rightly so, of any faith, then to Catholic children in state care) that is first priority
Ours is

  1. catholic looked after children
  2. Catholic siblings in catchment
  3. Other catchment children in catchment
  4. Other looked after children
  5. Catholic Siblings out of catchment
  6. Other Catholic children out of catchment
  7. Children from other qualifying religions in catchment
  8. Children from other qualifying religions out of catchment
  9. Other children.

You simply don’t have a chance if your child isn’t baptised catholic.

Ours is the same as this.

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/04/2021 21:04

Op, are you actually Catholic yourself?

You do know you won't be able to just rock up and have your child christened without attending a Baptism course? They'll need a pretty solid record of attendance as well.
Your child is being (potentially) welcomed into a church community, it won't happen without some prior commitment on your part.

youcancallmequeene · 18/04/2021 21:05

@SteveyFluff baptisms are happening and have been happening for a while. If your faith is important to you then contact your church and get your child baptised. As another poster has said, you have 7 months to do this so plenty of time.

You do not need to have a large gathering or "party" around it. Just do it with minimal people.

ChildOfFriday · 18/04/2021 21:08

@Marmite27

Oh and DH was a past pupil, FiL a previous governor and DH a current governor.

They changed the rules last year so in catchment non siblings came above out of catchment siblings so there were siblings that didn’t get in. In fact if they hadn’t have chances that, DC1 wouldn’t have got in, it would have been entirely siblings. Which is why we’re not moving!

The past pupil and governor thing will have had no effect on getting into the school though- they have to follow the admissions criteria. I know that's probably not what you were saying but it could have been read that it gives you an advantage in getting into the school.
AliceMcK · 18/04/2021 21:12

Speak to your local priest to see if they are doing christenings. Also speak to the school, I’m sure there must be some flexibility with covid. If you have a relationship with the church and priest then maybe they will except a letter.

My DCs go to a Catholic school and I know our local priest would find a way to help parents in your situation.

I’m fairly sure the last time I spoke to our priest he was doing baptisms, not big affairs obviously.

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 18/04/2021 21:29

Get a baptism booked in now. It doesn’t have to be a big affair and can be done without godparents present in person. If the school is even remotely oversubscribed, which many are, this is probably going to be your only option.

DingDongThongs · 18/04/2021 21:45

The Catholic school I applied to was oversubscribed and got Outstanding. It was 11 year ago.

Book the baptism, find a pretty white outfit. Sorted.

Twizbe · 18/04/2021 21:57

Most churches are live streaming their services now. Look into that as a way to get back into regular attendance.

Baptisms can take place and you can have people stand in proxy for god parents if they aren't able to physically attend. My friend is Mexican and most of the godparents for her children couldn't attend the baptisms here in the UK. She had her in laws (non catholics) stand proxy and live streamed the services.

My son has just got into our local CoE school. He is baptised but we are not regular attendees. On the form this year they had a section about whether we would have been regular attenders but couldn't due to covid. They also said that there were being more flexible about this requirement this year. They understand that some people are just not able to attend at the moment.

happymummy12345 · 18/04/2021 23:40

I'm Catholic, my husband is Church of England. Our son isn't either because we couldn't agree or compromise on which religion he should be as I wanted him to be Catholic and my husband wanted him to be Church of England. So to make it fair we did neither.

We have 3 local schools, 1 Catholic, 1 Church of England and 1 non denomination. We agreed to go to the open days for all 3 with an open mind and treat all 3 equally. And both agreed that whichever school we both felt was the best for our son was the school we would put as our first choice.

It turned out it was the Catholic school that was the best by far. My husband was I’m complete agreement on that. We spoke to the headteacher at the open day and explained our situation. My husband clarified that he had no problems at all with our son joining in with prayers or the viewpoint they partial lying teach from, and obviously I didn’t as I went to a Catholic school myself, I wanted him to be baptised a Catholic (always will), and I wanted him to go to that school so had no issues with that at all. We also put that information on the school supplementary faith form so they knew it wasn’t a problem at all.

The headteacher told us that in recent years the school hadn’t been oversubscribed and that she felt our son was highly likely to get a place, which pleased us both. However I knew that if the school was oversubscribed this academic year (2020-2021), that the oversubscription criteria would be used to determine offers of places. I also knew that based on that criteria my son fell into the last category as he is not of any faith or religion. I had to accept that he would not get a place if the school was oversubscribed. But what I would never want to do is take a place from a child of the faith because that would be completely wrong and unfair of me. Therefore I would not have got my son baptised just for the purpose at all. (If my husband was to agree and I believed he meant it then yes I would because I’ve wanted my child to be a Catholic since I found out I was pregnant, so I’m not a hypocrite). As mentioned by previous posters that is unacceptable. I knew that my son would only get a place if there were less Catholic children that applied than there were places available. Therefore he or we would not be taking a place from a child more deserving of it based on the religious aspect or from that point of view.

So I don’t feel we have done anything wrong in terms of our approach whatsoever. However what you are suggesting is not right at all. Especially given how strongly you feel with regards to the Catholic Church. Why would you want your child to have anything to do with something you hate so much? Prestigious school or not should be irrelevant. Baptising your child should be about your belief and faith and wanting your child to be brought up within that, not to get them into a school. Also you can’t just turn up one day, do it and then that’s it. It doesn’t work like that at all. So to answer your question yes I think what you are suggesting is extremely unreasonable, even more so given your quite extreme viewpoint.

momobots · 19/04/2021 09:30

@GreyhoundG1rl

Catholic school are (usually) under subscribed IME Confused. Where do you live?
South of Scotland
GreyhoundG1rl · 19/04/2021 13:01

So I don’t feel we have done anything wrong in terms of our approach whatsoever
No, you haven't. You've behaved with perfect integrity. Sadly, op is not.

SJaneS49 · 19/04/2021 17:25

I feel extremely sorry for you OP, particularly when you say you are worrying that your DS will suffer as you were ‘too bad’. You were and are sick, give yourself a bloody break!

As others have said, this situation is rectifiable and can be sorted. If you’re not well enough to take the lead on this is there someone who can take the lead? A partner or family member. Yes you can get him baptised. It doesn’t need to be a big ceremony (well quite frankly it can’t be at the moment) and I’d speak to your Priest as well about how full the Church is of a Sunday in normal circumstances (quite possible it’ll be half full and you could sit at the back in relative anonymity) and for the meantime attend an online service.

One thing you can do now schools are back is call the school and speak to Admissions. If you don’t feel up to that, email the school office for the attention of Admissions. Ask how over subscribed the school is and how many children they have taken in the last couple of years who weren’t baptised. And if the children who weren’t baptised, how far geographically did they go on offers.

How full a Catholic school will be and entry criteria will depend entirely on area. My stepdaughter went to both a Catholic Primary and Secondary. Neither was over subscribed and only the Secondary asked for baptism & confirmation (there was no need to prove Church attendance. However where we live now in Kent, the exceptional local Catholic Secondary is incredibly over subscribed and they want the full bells and whistles (proof of church attendance going back 5 years, confirmation etc). So if you are thinking of sending DS to a Catholic Secondary, it’s worth thinking ahead on that one.
Don’t despair, honestly this is all fixable. Do ask for help for anything you don’t feel up to yourself. Best wishes.

Yellowmellow2 · 19/04/2021 19:51

In our, over-subscribed, Catholic school, priority is given to baptised practising Catholics. Practising means at least three years regular attendance, as verified by the priest. The obligation to attend Mass was lifted at the start of the pandemic, and this remains in place, but you’d still need to show regular practice before (and after) the pandemic.

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/04/2021 21:06

Neither was over subscribed
Their over subscription criteria doesn't kick in until they're actually oversubscribed, SJane, you'd have got a place whether you were a practising Catholic or not.
Op is realistically only going to get a school place if the school isn't full, and she's only going to get the priest to baptise her child after a very obvious committment to the church prior to the ceremony.
They don't do drive by's.

MySocalledLoaf · 19/04/2021 21:13

Baptise him yourself. We had a lesson at my Catholic school on how to baptise people, anyone can do it.

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/04/2021 21:21

@MySocalledLoaf

Baptise him yourself. We had a lesson at my Catholic school on how to baptise people, anyone can do it.
That won't help with school admissions, which I strongly suspect is the real motivator here...
LostInTime · 20/04/2021 10:04

I am guessing from the wording of the OP that steveyfluff isn't Catholic? Have you ever attended a Catholic church? (Because of saying christened rather than baptised)
Are you wanting this school because it's the best school in your area or are you genuinely Catholic?
If the latter, then the priest at your church before you moved will likely be able to help by recommending you to the new church and its priest.

SJaneS49 · 20/04/2021 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hersetta427 · 22/04/2021 11:31

So you haven't been to church in around 3 years (even online). You haven't baptised your child, yet a Catholic school is so important to you and his upbringing but you and his father (as he can do the things you felt unable to manage) have made no effort to do either of the things that might get him a place.

Are you really just trying to get him a place at the most desirable school in the area?

Charmatt · 22/04/2021 19:45

In our county several CofE schools have consulted on exceptional changes to oversubscription criteria due to Covid as they felt they might disadvantage some applicants who had been prevented from attending church, etc. Could you use this as the basis for appeal? It would be an interesting hearing....

LIZS · 22/04/2021 21:33

While it may be an issue for a RC school there are probably alternatives in the area worth considering. Having said that a local RC school, previously oversubscribed, expanded about five years ago to meet demand and now takes a good number of non RC pupils as that specific demand has waned.

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