Girls all-though school or co-ed prep?

[NunsOnTheRun]

Would you send your 4yr old girl to a girls 4-18 all-through school, or to a 4-11 co-ed prep, all else being equal? I.e. top academics, similar ethos, location, etc for both? I know some people prefer co-ed, especially for prep/primary school, but does it outweigh the benefit of possibly avoiding the stress of the 11+? Wondering what people here think.

I had my children at a co-Ed prep and after having done the 11+ once with my eldest, I pulled my second and third children out pretty sharpish and moved them to an all through school. I don’t know if they will stay until they are 18 or go at 16 , but I’m not in a rush to repeat the process and if they want to try for another school at 11+ we will tutor them, but it will be their choice.
There’s no right or wrong answer and the 11+ worked well for my eldest in that we got the school we wanted, but I had massively under estimated the pressure it put on our eldest and the family, so it’s not for us

It's been proven time and time again that girls do a lot better without boys around. And I mean A LOT better.

We have gone down the co-ed prep route for a few reasons.

Firstly, I want both children in one school. I have a boy and girl and there are no through schools I would want to send both to locally

Secondly, I am not sure which secondary will suit them at 11 - they're still so young. They seem academic right now but what if that changes? Through schools don't prepare for 11+ so that would be a challenge

Finally, I don't want to commit to school fees until 18. I am comfortable with the fees at our chosen prep and paying them until they are 11. I want the option to reassess and decide if private is still the best option as we have good grammar and comprehensive in our local area. Through school fees for primary are double what I will be paying for prep in our area

It depends where in the country you are. If you are in London then I would consider the all through school for your sanity!!!

We are in Herts and my DD was at a prep. Whilst she had to prepare for the 11+, we did so at home and she got offers from all three independents and a grammar. The competition is just far less so I definitely wouldn’t have put her in an all through school.

I am not a huge fan of all through schools. You can’t possibly know what your daughter will be like at 11 and whether the school will still suit. There won’t be any 11+ prep so if you want to leave then you are on your own when it comes to tutoring (or prep by yourself at home). It’s the same group of friends every day for 14 years. Usually in the same place. It just gets stale. We thought it just closed too many doors.

I don’t think co-Ed or single sex makes a huge difference when the children are little but I would always chose single sex for a girl from 11-16. She would then have the decision as to whether to go co-Ed for sixth form. I personally like the diamond structure - coed to 11, single sex to 16 and back to coed until 18 - but that’s what I had and it worked perfectly for me.

We have just moved DD from all through girls to co-ed prep. She started in Yr 3. We are outside London so the all-through school was non selective and you can pretty much walk into another school at 11+ or 13+ and there is no grammar school around here and the state schools are academically poor.
DD is academically strong and we were disappointed with the junior section of the all through school and rate of progress with maths dropped in yrs5 and 6. I contacted the school over this several times and all kinds of things were promised but no change ever came. She was happy and the extra curricular etc were excellent. However her little brother then needed a school and we moved him in yr 3 to a coed prep til 13. We were much more impressed by the academic standard and the teaching. This school lives / dies on where it sends children to at 13 and so had more pace and enquiry than the all through school. So we just moved our yr 6 DD to the coed prep even though she will only do 2.5 years. She is finding the lessons much better and enjoying the co-ed less cliquey environment.
I went to an all-girls school and my husband went to all-boys so we thought we were doing the right thing sending her to all girls but I'm really not sure now. The school was really very girly and I wonder whether she will have a more balanced education at a co-ed school.

Thanks for your replies, it's interesting to read different perspectives. We are in London so are definitely concerned about the 11+ pressure, but do have a preference for co-ed during the formative years. The thing is the senior school of the all girl's school is one we want to target anyway at 11+ if we choose the co-ed prep now (if she is still academic at that age) so just curious what other people's experiences or views are.

Firstly if you do go for all-thtough, make sure exactly what that means! Many regularly weed out weaker pupils who might bring grades down. It will be made clear that perhaps another senior school may be better for them.

Secondly, I do not think you can make an informed decision about which secondary school would work best for a child at age 4, so be prepared to be flexible when the time comes. With that in mind, you need to check what 11+ prep an all-thtough school does as it is unlikely to want to be loosing pupils to rival schools.

Personally, I think co-ed is better for early years. I would also question whether private is really necessary for primary. Most state primaries are good if you are prepared to support your children. Obviously extra work/tutoring outside of school would be required for 11+ in that situation.

I would check whether at the all through you need to sit the exam for the senior school. Ours did not so there was no exam, no SaTS so no nothing really and any 11+ preparation you will need to do at home.

DD is currently at a mixed prep but she's moving in September (for year 3) to an all girls selective all-through school.
The mixed prep has been terrible, there are some very very badly behaved and disruptive boys in the year unfortunately. I think it depends on the school though, the current school is bad because it's bad, not because it's co-ed. However there haven't been any issues with disruptive girls, only boys.

I posted something similar on another thread. Pick the right school for your child not a school because you are afraid of the 11plus. I am in SW London and if you look at the results from preps like prospect, study etc they get a lot of offers from the girls trust schools (Wimbledon, Putney etc). Yes the 11 plus is stressful but so is having the wrong school for your child.

@RandomUsernameHere I think that is pretty unusual to be honest. All children can be disruptive not just boys.

I got straight As at the girls school and grades started slipping when I met boys

Although perhaps grades aren't everything and I might have been better at relationships if I had met more boys?! (It did all work out in the end )

I'd go for the all through girls school, especially as that is where you'd like to send her at 11+ anyway.

At primary school age, its easy enough to provide lots of socialisation opportunities with boys outside of school.

London changes everything. The old 'state primary will do' doesn't apply. I'd go for the all through school.

I should have clarified, the senior school of the girls all-through is one of maybe 5 schools we want to target at 11+ , if we choose the co-ed prep now.

My concern was that going through single sex schooling for all 14 years is a very long time. I'm not convinced there is any material difference in academic performance between single sex and coed, but am worried by possible impact on social skills and personality. But from the replies so far it seems that this aspect is not much of a problem for most people. Maybe I'm just over analysing it?

Our's go to an all through single sex school and absolutely love it. We live in a grammar county but we will probably keep them there all through as we love it so much

Mine went state primary, girls private for GCSEs and mixed private for A levels.

I think girls do better in single sex environments because they aren't pigeon-holed to do certain subjects. They can answer freely in class. The teachers can respond appropriately. I also think they gain confidence in themselves. They can do anything. Most girls school are very strong in girl power!

My DD certainly hasn't struggled to settle in at 6th form where she is only 1 of about 40 girls in a lower 6th year if about 190! I think much of that confidence is a result of 5 years in a girls school with a girls can to anything ethos.

Ours go to an all through single sex school and we are very happy with it. I’ve always believed in single sex education, especially for girls, and am grateful we won’t have to go through the stress of 11+.

@NunsOnTheRun we are also south west london and did exactly what you are thinking of. Our kids were at local mixed prep as I have boys and girls and wanted them to be at the same school. Our oldest child did 11+ This year and we were so amazed by the pressure of it all that DD (2nd child) sat a much gentler exam last year for an in year place at one of the schools we would have sat for at 11+ and she got an offer. We moved her this year for year 5 and she hasn’t looked back. She also said that she was so pleased not to do the 11+ because of all the pressure at the prep school which actually broke my heart hearing that from my then 9 year old..... i think that some children handle stress better than others and won’t bat an eye at the 11+ but we decided we wouldn’t put our other kids through it.
For the record, our eldest got the school we wanted so the process worked well, but the pressure on kids has really put us off .
Be aware though, depending on the school, some ‘through’ schools will suggest your child leaves before secondary if they think they won’t be able to keep up, so you could still find yourself stuck in the process

Personally I’d go for the co-ed Prep. DD2 went to a co-Ed Primary and some of the boys behaviour was disruptive but to be fair not all the girls were little angels. At Primary DD2 had both male and female friends, when girl friend groups got too cliquey she would take herself off to go and play with the boys for a little bit. I think it gave her a good balance. She is now at an all girls Secondary and we’re happy with this choice at this stage and has removed her from the boyfriend and girlfriend nonsense that started up around Year 6 and became a little toxic. But in truth a lot of it depends on the school and what your gut feel is about where she will be happiest aside from the single sex/co-Ed issue.

Single sex wouldnt worry me but all through would. Everyone deserves a fresh start, to reinvent themselves, to make new friends every now and then.