We have left it very late and haven't looked at any primary schools for dd, who starts next Sept, can you change your mind once you've put down a school?

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I feel very neglectful as a parent here but we haven't looked around any local schools for dd, who goes next September. Ds already goes to a local school which has an outstanding Ofsted but it's quite a big school and dd doesn't much like big crowds. I'm worried that it's not the right school for her and there are plenty of small sweet village schools nearby so we can make a different decision.

But we have til the 15th to fill in the form with our preferences and we haven't looked at anywhere. I KNOW we've been crap about this and I'm feeling cross with myself but what shall we do? Help!

I guess I'm asking can we fill in the form with our choices and then change our minds? And will schools let us look around now even though we will have filled in the forms?

If a school has spaces after they've all been offered out you can change your mind and you can go on waiting lists. Other than that have a ver quick look around and make your choice. Not sure how you can do school run to two diff places though??

yes they will let you look around the schools

www - can you spend this evening looking up all the Ofsteds in your area - see if any give you a 'nice warm feeling' iykwim! Can you take any time off work this week to go and visit, see the head. Then think if you REALLY want to have to drop off and pick up at two different schools, whether it's important for dd to be able to walk to school or not, where her friends would be. What are the class sizes like? Does it 'feel' a big school? (That was why we picked ds1's school over the most local outstanding one (you know the one I mean!) - it just felt too big). Are the schools over-subscribed, or can you basically pick and choose? In which case is there any strategic benefit in putting one above another?

Go with your gut instinct! I totally did with ds1 and LOVE his school, even though it isn't so academic as the other option - the head is so fantastic, and I do think you need to be on the same wavelength as the head of your child's school, so I do think you need to meet them. HTH!

If your council is anything like ours, there is no room for changing your mind after the closing date - it would be counted as a 'late' entry iyswim.

We can do 2 x school runs because ds goes to breakfast club so can be dropped from 7.30am, atm he's dropped at 8ish so she could be dropped elsewhere at 8.15 ish

Dh is on the laptop now, he's looked at all the school sits and he could take Tuesday off work if he had to to look around. I'm happy to go wtih his decision. He's been looking at the websites but we've only just realised we've got FOUR days to fill in the form. I've been fairly casual about it partly because I'd handed over the task to him (who didn't realise the 15th was the deadline for actually CHOOSING the school, he would have done if he'd have read the letter) and because dd's assuming she's going to the same school as ds and because in some ways I don't think it would be the end of the world for that to happen. Ds's school isn't oversubscribed (despite being v good) and she'd get in there on the sibling rule anyway.

I do feel crap, when I think of all the agonising I did about ds's first school and I've barely remembered to think about her. Apart from being v aware that the absence of £680 a month nursery fees will be v welcome!

It's really really crap on my part, how tfkingf can I FORGET to look at schools for dd?

Don't feel crap - at dd's playgroup they made a really huge thing about reminding all parents of younger siblings to hand in their school forms - they were really funny - everytime I dropped dd off they said 'HAVE YOU DONE YOUR SCHOOL FORM' because they said it is so common for parents of 2nd+ children to forget to do it!!!!!

Oh thanks ts, that makes me feel a lot better. Next September just seems like bloody ages away. Although I know it's next July really, when schools break up. It feels like that first week I was working away from home, in 2005 and late at night I suddenly realised that ds didn't have a coat for the first day of a new Sept term and I felt such a crap mother for it. And so I went online and ordered one to be delivered, thank god for the interweb.

It will depend on the Education Authority, but I live in Herts where if you submit your application online then you can change it for a while after the final date for receiving the application (iykwim). If you fill in a paper form that's tough - once it's in you can't change it.

Why not ask dd what she thinks? You may well find that she loves the idea of attending the same school as her big brother.

Also you've had lots of other things to think about, and it is nearly a YEAR till she starts!

One of my best friends forgot to pick her ds up from school from his first day, she was an hour late, and he was just sitting quietly in the classroom with the teacher - she laughed and said you could tell he was a second child!

we are lucky in plymouth as we have till end off jan to fill in forms. we have looked at to schools but it doesn't matter when you apply till this date as there is no first first come system. good luck!!! we didn't think it would be so hard!!!

Thank you everyone. Dh and I have just had a row about it as he said "those last 2 weeks you were in your job, we should have done it then" and I just reminded him that I had interviews EVERY day more or less and actually, I was concentrating on earning a living. Grrr. He's really stroppy about it. I guess I do think it's not the end of the world if she goes to ds's school, which had an outstanding Ofsted. She wants to go there, he assumes she will (and not sure what message it sends him if we choose a different school for her tbh).

Unless you have very strong reasons not to, I would go with the same school as your DS. It will just save mental stress and possibly money (school uniform & equipment?)

Different schools have different systems/ 'rules'/ holidays (sometimes!)/ inset days etc which will just make things mjore complicated.

Also, since families tend to stay within the same school, you won't have to get to know two completely different sets of families and teachers!

Is it just the size www? Because I guess if that is the only reason, then I would probably go with it, as to begin with they will be quite 'class orientated' iyswim - they will stick in their reception groups. With us, the size was one of lots of reasons.

Thank you, thank you. Dh has calmed down, I've calmed down and we've decided we'll put her down for ds's school which is after all a very good school. It also means they'll go to breakfast club and after school club together for the first year, after which ds will leave and go to secondary. And if it's not right for her, we'll move her.

Really appreciate these posts. We were on panic alert earlier!

Yes, Ts, main reservation was the size.

WWW - I found that dd found it so much easier to settle because she was familiar with ds1's school, and she really liked having ds1 around - she always tries to go and say hello to him, and likes to 'spot' him in the lunch hall etc. It'll be fine, don't worry! Give it a year, then when ds1 goes to secondary if you're not happy, move her then! x

Cheers TS x

You know what? I think the transition from tiny primary to relatively huge secondary is quite traumatic. So in the long run you may be doing her a huge favour by sending her to a larger primary school at an age when she will just accept the status quo and be reassured by having her big brother there. The reception class always worship yr6 so it will be lovely for her to have a brother she can be so proud of.

im not sure what message youd be giving your kids by sending them to different schools? that one is not as brave as the other? that one is brighter than the other? it think for the sake of the siblings they should be at the same school if you can