Hello all. Not posted on Mumsnet for about 5 years although I am a longtime lurker. I can’t seem to find the right space to discuss this in RL so hoped I could get some input here.
I have 2 daughters both at our lovely state primary. They are both bright, engaged kids who, in general, try their best and enjoy school. We put no pressure on them to achieve any particular results (such as they are at this stage) but there is a heavy expectation to try hard and get involved. I don’t see that approach changing - it’s really important to us.
We have not considered private primary until this point. Or rather, had a brief think and rejected it. The primary they attend is a warm and happy place with people from lots of backgrounds, and that seemed all that mattered. Important to say that I t is not stretching them academically at all and a lot of time is spent dealing with the more disruptive kids in the class. We’ve started to consider secondary options for our eldest and it looks like private will be the way we go looking at the state options on offer. This has sent me into a bit of a tail spin and I can’t work out where I come down on it all! As a bit of background, my husband comes from a background where his family had very little money but has been successful in business and we can afford private primary, plus private secondary. I come from a more comfortable background but not so much that we could afford private education, however I got a scholarship at secondary so went private from that age. My OH has succeeded despite his education and although it generally goes against his outlook, since he had nothing growing up, he struggles not to feel expensive is better. He has had a peripatetic journey to where he is now and we have no designs on our kids in terms of what route we expect them to take. My experience is that I went to school with quite a homogenous group of people whose parents valued wealth and straight A grades above most things. I had a lot of opportunities that I didn’t really take up as my parents did not push me and I happily sort of bumbled along. I did well in my exams but nothing remarkable really.
I’m full of questions! If we intend to send them to private secondary and can afford it, why are we not sending them to private primary? My reasons for this are rambling and not very robust...I want them to mix with ‘normal’ people, I don’t want their school ‘career’ to start when they are so young, I don’t want them to think studying is the be all and end all, I don’t want them to think they belong to an elite group because their parents can afford it. I want them to engage in the things they feel passionately about and earn their way to their goals. I don’t like the idea that either the brightest or richest (or both) kids leave the state school population, creating a bigger divide. If I’m honest however I’m not principled enough not to perpetuate that issue myself. I don’t feel good about that, but that’s the honest truth.
- I am not keen at all on single sex education and most of the options for private primary are segregated. I can’t really articulate why other than I think it’s a bit weird?! Why would you segregate them? What sort of message does that send and how does it help prepare them for life after school? I think it’s pretty normal to be obsessed with boyfriends etc at school and spend ages faffing about with your look before school
I want them to have relationships and learn how it all works. My OH gets where I am coming from on this but equally I think as a father to two girls finds some comfort in the fact boys would be less of a factor.
- I am fearful they won’t get in at secondary level and we will SO regret not putting them in earlier. I know it sounds wanky but we can afford it and it feels like everyone just thinks it’s a no-brainier. If you’ve got the money, why wouldn’t you? I don’t know how realistic it is they they can enter year 7 at Withington Girls, MHSG, Cheadle Hulme etc. If someone gave me a guarantee, I think this debate would be over and we’d keep them where they are.
So I’m asking, in a round about way, for some input in 3 areas:
- Experiences of private primary, particularly WGS if you know it well. How much pressure, are there lots of entitled types milling around (really fearful of this factor as it was my experience). My eldest is a kind and gentle soul and I don’t want her to feel pressure every day.
- likelihood of getting into a WGS or Cheadle Hulme from a state primary, making the assumption we would prepare them well for the exams. If anyone knows actual number that would be so helpful.
- experiences of single sex education - your children or you. I am not the type of female who has had lots of male friends but as I’ve got older I’ve come to realise mixed education was formative and important to me, especially in the job I had later.
Such a ramble, which reflects my conflicting thoughts I think. Any input would be really appreciated. TIA