DS1 so lacking in confidence - anyone got any top tips?

[Clary]

Really feel that we are somehow failing our lovely DS1. He is 8.5 and in Year 4. He really likes school, his teacher is very helpful, and he has a good group of close friends. In fact the class all round seem very supportive of him.

But he still is so unconfident and unsure of himself. Basically I think he is a perfectionist and beats himself up over getting anything not right at once. He is not the quickest child and never has been, but he is not stupid either. We have really struggled with his reading but it's getting better tho he is soooo unwilling, unlike DD (6) who gobbles up books. That's not the main issue that's worrying me tho. Meeting last night with his teacher about his IEP which is to do with things like starting his work at school quickly, asking for help if he needs it etc. These things have been an issue since year 1 TBH.

It's getting better, it is, but his teacher said "well he doesn't cry every day like he did last year but when he puts his hand up to answer, and I say, yes XXX, he puts his head down and shakes it and won't answer."

It just breaks my heart to think of him so unsure of what he's going to say, so afraid to get it wrong, that I wonder if it's something I've done. Anyway. That's not here or there. What I would love from all you lovely people is any hints or tips on how to get him more confident, happier to make mistakes and realising it's ok to get an answer wrong in front of the class (although I am sure he often knows the right answer!).

Anyone got any thoughts?

[zubb]

does he do any after school clubs at all?

[captainmummy]

My ds3 is 8 and is usually a bright confident boy, but at the last parent/teacher consult she said he was very quiet (what?!)and reluctant to put his hand up or answer (he's been rmoved form the top maths set becuase he wouldn't answer the questions, even tho I know he is good at maths). I asked him why he's so quiet and he told me that he doesn't like to answer in case it's wrong (which is understandable) and if it is wrong one of the other boys will laugh (and this is from a boy who doesn't know the anwer anyway!)so maybe it's just a phase they go through? So long as he is still engaged in class does he need to put his hand up?

[Clary]

thanks for answers.

Yes zubb he does swimming (not really a social club lol) and cubs (graduating from Beavers which he really liked) and choir at school and football training with some of his school mates as well.

captain mummy I do think my DS needs to answer, because it's all tied up with unwillingness to do his work (he sometimes gets in a state about his homework even when in the end he does it fine). Also I can't bear to think of him being so worried and upset about his answer.

[zubb]

How is he at cubs - is he confident and willing to try things?
Does the teacher have any ideas at all?
Is he better in group work where it's not all on his head? Could the teacher ask a couple of them to say the answer at the same time as him, or ask him to write it down so she can check it before he says it - that takes away the prospect of it being wrong. Not sure if that would work in class really and if they sayhe is getting better thats positive so play that up with him at the moment and give loads of praise.