How to prepare child for NOT getting in at 7+

[Hattych]

Sadly this year I've seen some very, very upset children when they didn't get into their (or their parents) first choice school. How do you prepare your child for not getting in? I was planning on telling DC that we (my DH and I) choose the school he goes to and not even mentioning the places offered or not offered. Not sure if this is realistic though as I know children do talk....

At 7?

What's 7+?

At 7 they shouldn't know it's an entrance exam. It's a special test so mum and dad can see if that school will be a good school for them. The result to them is not pass or fail but what parents think about the school (ie if a fall they get told parents don't think the school is right).

Don't put them through it in the first place

Yes, just tell them you chose the school they passed for and big it up. If they have their heart set on a particular school, just say they are on the waiting list and explain that it's difficult to move from the wl if everyone accepts places and say it's best to secure the school that accepted him, all the while bigging it up.

Don’t know what 7+ is, but if it’s an entrance exam I would always lie. Even if the child was 11, 12, I would lie. They don’t need to feel like they’re a failure before they’ve even started.
Say you chose the other school.

The 11+ is known as a check whether a child is clever or thick, so why not the 7+?

@ThePricklySheep

Don’t know what 7+ is, but if it’s an entrance exam I would always lie. Even if the child was 11, 12, I would lie. They don’t need to feel like they’re a failure before they’ve even started. Say you chose the other school.

You might get away with that at 7 but kids who are older know exactly why they're not going to school x but are going to school y instead.

Depends on if the child is at a pre-prep or state school where most aren’t taking exams.

If at a prep, it’s more difficult to pretend it’s not an entrance exam. If possible I’d say the schools want to see how much you already know before you start so they know more about you etc but this probably will only work for a pretty gullible 7 year old.

However, I would never let the children know my preferences or let them have a preference and always say that you as parents will decide on the school. They definitely don’t need to know if they were accepted or not and if asked directly I would lie. Rejection of this sort is too much for a 6 /7 year old to process without potentially having long term impacts on their confidence and self-conception.

I think its all pretty abominable really. Prep school intakes should just be mixed ability unless it’s at at an academically selective through school.

@Clymene all parents don’t always pick the hardest school to get into they’ve been offered. Some times a scholarship or ease of access, pastoral care etc win out. There are super bright children in virtually all schools

They won't have much awareness of it, just tell them it's a test to find out which school is right for them. And if they report friend X's mum being disappointed they didn't get into Y - just say well that's silly because the point of the tests is to find the right school for you. It's different at 11 or 13 but at 7 they really don't need to know.

[quote LondonGirl83]@Clymene all parents don’t always pick the hardest school to get into they’ve been offered. Some times a scholarship or ease of access, pastoral care etc win out. There are super bright children in virtually all schools[/quote]
What's that in response to? My post saying don't put them through it?

No one is forced to put their small children through exams. It's a choice some parents make.

Thanks for the responses. Some really helpful ideas. I think the idea of 'its for the Mummy's and Daddy's to help them choose the school' is the right path to take. I don't think I'd even tell DC if they were waitlisted, just do a celebration of what school we have picked.

OP
I only mentioned the waitlist if your DC really had their heart set on a certain school. Did not want them to get upset because they feel you are not listening to them, and pushing your own choice on them, especially when it become apparent that all the friends are going to said school.

But each to their own I guess.

@Clymene no I meant children knowing why they are going to a certain school or not. I think people do choose schools for a variety of reasons and if you didn’t tell your 11 year old the assessment results you could plausibly explain a parental choice without it being related to not passing the assessment for a more selective school.

I do agree though that an 11 year old will know they are being assessed!

You might get away with that at 7 but kids who are older know exactly why they're not going to school x but are going to school y instead.

I would still lie! I would say they had passed it but we didn’t think it was the right school for them. I’d use a half truth about too much pressure etc. Or if there was something practical like a longer journey.

I said something along the lines of "you're going there for the morning to see if you like it, and if you do we'll see if the school has any spaces". I really emphasised that it was very important to read the questions carefully and be on best behaviour etc though! Once we were offered places I then congratulated them and said how well they'd done.

We just explained to DS that it was assessment process & it was to see if thought the school was right for us, as much as us right for the school. We said that we had also applied for the local primary and that we considered all the schools to be equal. It was just about finding the best fit, whatever that may be. We equally said nice things about our local primary and we have never said anything negative about any of the schools- no favourites.