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Primary education

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DD (4) got hit at school yesterday and being called names

14 replies

babyblue2 · 30/10/2007 10:13

I'm probably overreacting as its the 1st time its happened but a group of 4 girls (3 of whom she has played with before) were calling DD names and one of them hit her. She told girl not to hit her again but she did repeatedly. She says she told her teacher who said 'never mind'. She's fine but she's really sensitive and gets very upset at things like that. I've not really wanted to chat too much about it (to her) because I don't want her to worry about going to school (which was an issue some time ago). She doesn't want me to talk to teacher about it. Do I have quiet word with teacher asking him to keep an eye on her or just leave it a while to see what happens?

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CristinaTheAstonishing · 30/10/2007 10:26

Did she give any indication why this happened? If it's four girls ganging up on her to call her names and one hit her then I think the teacher should be concerned too.

babyblue2 · 30/10/2007 10:27

Apparently she just asked if she could play with them, they said no, called her a name and then got hit

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CristinaTheAstonishing · 30/10/2007 10:36

Your poor DD. Why doesn't she want you to talk to the teacher about it?

peskipixie · 30/10/2007 10:41

i would talk to the teacher. i have recently had a discussion with ds about why bullies dont want you to talk to the teacher (because they are scared of getting in trouble). not that im saying its bullying, just saying the blindingly obvious to us isnt to them. ask the teacher not to tell dd for the time being but i think its best for her to be warned incase it does happen again so action can be taken then. the teacher can have a class talk about including people in games and nice ways to treat each other, she doesnt have to deal with the girls directly.

babyblue2 · 30/10/2007 10:48

Don't know why she doesn't want me to speak to teacher, who is a man and tbh doesn't have much oomph about him. The school encourages much friendliness, everyone is called friends rather than pupils, or girls and boys - being nice and polite to each other is promoted greatly. All the 'friends' DD went to school nursery with are fine but these 'friends' went to a different nursery and act a bit 'differently'. I'm really hoping that when she comes home she says she's had a good day. I will try and get to talk to teacher but only opportunity is 1st thing in am before bell and even then he's milling around the classroom (which is small) so others can listen in, plus will have DD with me.

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Bessie123 · 30/10/2007 10:52

See if you can get the child who hit your DD on her own and tell her that if she touches your child again, she will be very sorry.

Mumcentreplus · 30/10/2007 10:53

hmmmm...sounds similar to what happened to my dd...she had a good friend friend A who was also friends with another girl...this friend Evil friend B did not seem to like my daughter and would encourage friend A to pick on her and once evil friend B even tripped her up on purpose and she came home hurt!...i had to fight the feeling not to grab the little rat-bag by her pigtails!! my daughter said she told the teacher but she didn't seem too concerned...I bit my tongue and told my dd that is she was not being treated right by them to find some new friends which she did...I spoke to the teacher and she was shocked she said all 3 seemed to be firm friends but she would keep an eye on them ...they would follow her around and for weeks she complained....then all of a sudden her and Evil friend B are now 'Best friends forever' and everything is hunky dory!!

babyblue2 · 30/10/2007 10:53

Bessie - its tempting isn't it. But i wouldn't.

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EmsMum · 30/10/2007 11:00

If its hard to see the teacher alone, without lots of small ears wagging, then you could write him a note. Best try to nip in the bud this unacceptable behaviour by the other girl.

If this sort of thing continues and the teacher seems ineffective, it may be worth having a friendly chat with headteacher - inexperienced staff may need some coaching in appropriate strategies.

babyblue2 · 30/10/2007 11:05

Right, shall see how she goes today and if she's ok and nothings happened will just monitor it, if its happened again will mention it to teacher tomorrow. If its peaceful over the next week will mention it to him next mon/tues when at parents evening. Thanks to all. Just needed some opinions to back mine up.

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wannaBe · 30/10/2007 11:10

this is tricky. Because reality is that at 4, what to them is name calling is often just calling them something different, ie two of the kids my ds plays with got into the habbit of all calling each other buster or something similar and one took exception and said that she was being called names which in fact she wasn't. But to her it was upsetting whereas to the other children it was just a bit of fun with no malice.

If these children are being violent though I would definitely encourage her to talk to the teacher. Violence of any kind is not tolerated at my ds' school and if your school is a decent one they should deal with it.

I also think that cliques are quite common, esp if groups of children have joined the school from a preschool where they all knew each other, they tend to stick together iecause it's a bit like safety in number iyswim, and often it's difficult for other children to break into that circle. Again in our school the children that have come into school together are encouraged to play with other children after half term when they've settled in, are given group activities etc to do without their usual friends so as to encourage them to be open to other friendships as well iyswim.

4 year old friendships are very fickle, and what might not be her best friend today might be tomorrow and vice versa.

I certainly wouldn't go round threatening 4 year olds that they'll be sorry if they lay a hand on your child again.

I would encourage your dd to walk away and play with someone else if these girls don't want to play with her, and if they hit her to tell the teacher.

babyblue2 · 30/10/2007 11:16

This is what I suggested wannaBe. Told her just to walk away but rather unhelpful DH told her to hit them back. Great. Luckily she's more likely to listen to me than them.

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Fossil · 30/10/2007 18:35

DS has come home today saying an older boy wasnt't nice to him because he allegedly 'fighted' with this boy's friend. Told ds to tell the teacher if this happens again tomorrow, but must say I do feel like following Bessie's advice. This is the second time I have had this trouble with an older child, and we're only 2 days into the new half term.

babyblue2 · 30/10/2007 20:14

Well DD hasn't said anything bad about her day at school and this afternoon I got chance to say something to the teaching assistant. I didn't mention names but asked if they could keep an eye on her. She intimated that she had an idea which children were involved so my mind is at rest. For now anyway.

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