Leaving school midway

[ShouldIgonow]

My DC has passed the entry exam for our local Private school. It’s for year 5 entry so not a usual entry point and incredibly competitive. We put DC forward last November because we got a financial uplift which means we can now afford the school.

It’s a great school - we have friends who have tried for years to get their kids in sitting the exam every year. Our DC is naturally bright not boasting and we didn’t have a tutor etc and honestly I’m not sure we were expecting them to pass and they did and have now been offered a place.

DC is incredibly happy at the amazing primary school they are at - our State secondary option is excellent too.

The Private school - well I’m asking myself now why were are sending them. The school excels at sport and music and DC is an amazing all rounder really think they would get a lot from being at the school!

But having been at their Primary school since nursery they are absolutely devastated and they are so popular have lots of friends and doing well academically at the school.

I really am beating myself up over this - we however don’t want to send them to the local excellent State secondary it’s a really huge school and although it pushes out great results we’ve heard of a lot of bullying etc - the only thing is most of DCs friends will go there so we are really taking them away from friends that will have been friends for 15 years, we’ve reassured DC we will keep in touch. I do feel if we don’t move them now then we will for 11+ which will be also very competitive looking at the numbers this year there were 100s (450) for about 100 places.

Also the entry they’ve got for year 5 is super competitive. I’m so torn!!

I’m after opinion/experience of similar? Thank you!

Put the friends aspect out of your mind. Just because they go to the same secondary doesn't mean they will all stay friends. Year 7 (and thanks to Covid this year, Year 8) is a carcrash of old friendship groups splitting up, some children clinging on to old friends and not able to understand those friends have made new friends, others feeling trapped in old friendships, children growing up and making the most of the opportunity to make new friends who reflect who they are now, not just that they were one of the 15 other girls/boys in their class for the last x years. You will still be local and can still make sure they see the friends they want to keep. I remember going through it when I was year 7, and I have seen my daughter going through it now. Frankly I am relieved she has gone to a different secondary school and is insulated from the day in day out exhaustion of all those teenage emotions, and can just get on with making new friends without feeling guilty she is hurting anyone else by doing so.

If you are sure you wouldn't send your DC to the state secondary, then all you are doing is moving the change forward one year - I am assuming it is straight through to senior school? I wouldn't be so keen if they were going to have to change at the end of year 6 anyway.

Thank you - yes we wouldn’t send to state secondary near us for a lot of reasons. And yes if DC joins in year 5 then it’s guaranteed entry for Seniors. DC primary is brilliant but I’m thinking how much more competitive the 11+ is and of how many kids try year after year to get into this school and can’t get in.

There are children from DC school who moved at year 3 the more natural point(from infants to juniors) so DC would know people and of course know the new kids into Year 5

I would take the place, especially seeing as it's competitive. Imagine how you would feel if you miss out on a place at 11+. Your DC could have a bad day on the exam day for example. If you take the place now you can just relax, no pressure.

Thank you - I think we will - well we will.

I'm sure it will work out for the best and congratulations to your DC for gaining a place!

Yes don’t want the stress of 11+!!