WWYD Y5 behaviour

[dannydyerismydad]

DS is 9 and in Y5. He's been at his primary since reception and has always been happy with a broad friendship group. The school has a mixed intake and is hugely inclusive, often taking on children who have displayed challenging behaviours at other local schools. We've always been happy with the school and DS makes good progress and is always happy to attend.

A family friend provides services to local schools and has cause to spend a day at DS's school last week. This person works in different schools and with children every day. Friend contacted us today to say that they had been working at DS's school last week (DS hadn't bothered to tell us) and that he was really bothered by what he experienced. He said behaviour was terrible. The children were rude and unruly and the teachers had very little control. We knew there was some undesirable behaviour, but the way friend was talking made it seem really terrible. Fried said based on what they saw they would never send their child to this school or recommend it to anyone.

I'm really concerned now that we are doing DS a disservice by continuing to send him to this school. DS has been complaining of boredom since returning this term as most children did nothing during lockdown, but that's been his only complaint. If he wasn't achieving or was unhappy or being bullied I would absolutely look for a new school, but he's happy. I don't want uproot him unnecessarily, but could he be better served at a calmer, more academic school?

To be blunt your friend had no real place to contact you. If you were happy enough before then I would just carry on.

If you were previously happy and ds is happy then I'd not be moving him because a friend doesn't think it's a good school.
It really wasn't very professional of your friend going into the school then talking to others about perceived issues.
Your ds is in Year 5. Is this friends opinion really worth the upheaval and disruption going into Year 6?
I think my child would be better equiped to do well in year 6 somewhere they feel comfortable without the stress of a new environment and getting to know new teachers and peers.

Friend was extremely unprofessional in contacting you to tell you what they had seen. It would make me seriously doubt their judgement in other things.

Your DS' experiences over the past 5 years should surely carry more weight than someone else's single day.

I know others disagree, but I don't think your friend was wrong to speak to you. Certainly if it was my job to go into schools and I saw something of significant concern then I would mention it to my friend, if she had children there.

I think it depends upon what your friend told you they'd seen. Find out as much as possible, and then consider how much you trust his/her judgement. Maybe after that it might be worth a conversation with your child's teacher.

I think your friend is a little unfair to base her judgement on one day. She may have seen one incident or one difficult class with a supply teacher or whatever. I think you should take this advice with a pinch of salt. If you are otherwise happy and your ds is doing well and is happy, it would be an over reaction to move him. I also think your friend is very unwise to say what she has. If she is going into school in a professional capacity, she should not be bad mouthing the school in this way. If the school find this out, she will certainly have problems.

Thank you all for giving my head a wobble. I wasn't super bothered, but DH (who is closer friends with friend) was getting his knickers in a twist which led me to overthinking!

There are 2 Y5 classes at the school. Whilst DS's class was spirited, the other class was apparently wilder, but it was their first day back after a covid isolation, so they were probably full of beans getting out into the wild after so long.

Friend had known us for many years, so is more candid with us than would be with others. I don't see them as a gossipy type at all - more venting after a particularly challenging day in the office.

After pondering harder I'm actually really impressed that DS ploughs on regardless of distractions. That's a pretty good skill to carry on in life, whilst learning compassion and understanding for children who experience significant challenges. That's a pretty good skill to carry on in life.