Year R - star of the day

[user1472028391]

My son started reception in September and his class does star of the day.

I think it’s a lovely idea but it’s really annoying me that my son hasn’t got it yet but others in his class have already got it twice. We have had parents evening and his teacher said he is doing well and to keep up the good work.

I do think you should earn it before getting it but surely he has done something to earn it before another child gets it twice! Especially in the first term - it just seems like it would be an encouraging thing to give out.

For some reason it is just annoying me! My son does mention he doesn’t get it but doesn’t really seem bothered!

Should I just not care - as long as he is happy and trying with his school work? Or if he still hadn’t had it by the end of term would it be an idea to send a suggestion to the school that perhaps each child gets it in the first term for encouragement reasons especially when they are so young.

I don’t want to be one of those annoying mums so perhaps I should just ignore it completely!

I would leave it to be honest.

If he still hasn't got it by the end of the term, I would maybe ask "what could DS do to earn star of the day, he hasn't got it yet and has been talking about it."

But it doesn't sound like a big deal.

If he's not bothered and doing well, then I'd probably leave it.

Definitely don't go in and tell the teacher how to do their job. Though PP's suggestion to ask how he achieves it would be OK if you do feel you need to raise it, or if it begins affecting DS.

Is your son well behaved? I find my Dd is overlooked for everything because she’s very obedient and well behaved. She’s quiet, I think it’s often these children who miss out on rewards at school.

I think it's a bloody stupid thing and thankful that dd1 new school doesn't do it.

And dd1 got pupil of the year 3 years in a row, so I'm not bitter, I just think it IS something all the students are aware of and the fact he's mentioned it to you means he has thought about.

It could be that the teacher has forgotten that your ds hasn't been star of the day, especially if he's quiet.
I would ask the teacher outright what does dc have to do to be star of the day.
That way it will alert her to the discrepancy.

Unfortunately you will get this one way or another until he's 18.

I would mention it to the teacher, it could be a mistake. You don't want your DS to feel discouraged at such a young age. He might not seem bothered but its not nice to feel overlooked by your teacher. In my DDs school, all the children get these things once before they go round again but we have star of the week, not day.

My DD school does something similar. She kept saying to me she hadn't won it and was upset about it - I told her to work extra hard to show the teachers how good she is. She finally won it the other day and she was so excited. Even if she hadn't won it never in a million years would I have mentioned it to the teacher.

To be honest you sound a bit silly OP. I'm guessing he is your first child? Are you sure this isn't a case of precious first born syndrome?

Children are never to young to learn that things need to be earnt in life. Or are you one of these parents who thinks no one should "win" at sports days??

People accusing of PFB syndrome shouldn't forget that Reception kids are 4 fgs. At that age, it's ok to rotate prizes. There is plenty of time for them to learn about life unfairnesses.

PFB! - crikey, I didn’t even know that was a thing! He is not my only child and I don’t think it is that but I am for the first time navigating school life so there is an element of that to get my head around.

I do think children should earn things (as clearly mentioned in my first post!) but at his parents evening the teacher said he was doing really well and to keep up the good work (also mentioned in my original post!) In her words she also said she wished to could clone him as he is so polite and willing to learn (I know she probably says this as a standard to most parents!) so my point was surely he has earned it for something to get such a glowing report!

There are 2 children in his class who are also not well behaved and they have received star of the day - they clearly therefore use the star of the day as an encouragement tool (I also have no problem with that if it helps encourage them and settle into school life but don’t like the idea it’s at the detriment to my son who is good or any of the other well behaved children!)

Thanks for the all the other comments though which are helpful. I think I will definitely leave it until end of term as there are a few more weeks and see whether he gets it. And then maybe then see whether DS has mentioned it much up to this point! TBH - I probably care more than my DS ha ha ha!

Do you know for definite others have got it twice? Just because my child tells me t that sometimes and it's not actually true.. it just seems like that to her

Star of the day is a bit too much if you ask me anyway. Rewards every day in some form yes and star of the week but star of the day seems a bit over the top!

If he's ok then I don't think I'd bring anything up anyway

I’d say something. In fact I did at DD2 first parents evening as like you say at 4 they should rotate it. Problem is you get naughty kids that are occasionally good so that gets praised a lot and those kids that do good things really loudly so the teacher sees it more! Leaves the quiet ones in the middle to miss out.

Give it a bit longer but do say something if it doesn't come round soon. There's potential for the teacher to have muddled up children in the early days especially if he shares a name with someone. My son looked very like another child in YR and they'd get muddled up.

Also 4 year olds are still very little and not all that reliable. Mine had 2 birthdays in YR because the teacher had written the date down wrong, and he didn't correct her.

IME good teachers often reward children for doing whatever they find hard. So if your child is quiet and well behaved, he may well get rewarded when he speaks up, for example. One of mine was good at maths, and in 7 years of primary school he never got any "star of the..." awards for maths. But yes, at 4 they should all have a turn.

I hate star of the week etc.
So demotivating, kids get it for random reasons.
So now i dont read that bit in the newsletter.
I want them to be noticed for genuinely doing something well

My DD is in reception. As far as I know they don’t do this. They have “special days” where everyone takes it in turn to have a special day, they get to go first and sit on a chair instead of the carpet (apparently this is v exciting). They can earn stars for good work and deeds but sounds like everyone can get as many as poss. It’s not capped to on person a day which sounds sensible. Apparently one boy in class has just surpassed 10 stars. My DD has 1. But did say this was because this boy did more work whilst she went off to play fairies so 🤷‍♀️ 🤣. I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing on this. They’re not even through first term and they’re not the most reliable reporters of events. If he’s upset about it just ask the teacher in a constructive way. “I know it’s early days but DS seems a bit upset he's not yet been star of the day. Anything I can say to him about how to work towards that?” Teacher will either advise you or he’ll come home as star the next day if it’s been an oversight.

Thanks again for all the replies. At least I know that there are others out there that also don’t like it!!

The star of the day is put up in the window so I definitely know who has and hasn’t had it based on this (no relying on DS to tell me!) It gives the reasons too which always seems varied but not particularly too difficult!

The comments do also seem that the quiet middle children get missed -such a shame as I’m sure if they didn’t have these type of children in a class, teaching would be even more difficult than it already is!

I will definitely leave it until end of term and then see how my DS is about it all - at the moment he just says he hasn’t been star of the day so it is in his mind but I don’t think he actually cares he hasn’t been it as he would probably tell me.