Why is quiet still being spouted as a negative?

[Icenii]

My entire school life I was told I was too quiet. I was forever being told to be something I was not and feeling like I was coming up short. Just had parents evening, and this was used to describe my child in a negative way. Surely people understand different personalities now?

Because and important part of learning and later work is communicating, exploring and defending your ideas verbally.

Doing so in writing is often much more important than orally. It's especially true in global groups where verbal presentations can put people without English as a first language at a disadvantage yet they can communicate brilliantly in writing, numbers etc. A hell of a lot of the most important stuff isn't suited to verbal communication at all.

One of the other factors with some 'quiet' people is that they don't want to spout opinion; they'll reserve speaking for when they know they're right. If a quiet person says something, listen. Maybe this is frustrating for teachers who know that the quiet person who rarely raises a hand is 99% likely to know the answer whereas the eager handraisers are liable to be wrong - but trying to coerce the quiet person to give an answer they're not sure of can be counterproductive. Most of DDs teachers got her measure - their perception nearly always changed between the autumn and summer term parents' evenings- but the one who insisted on picking her out to answer never did. Result - it turned DD off that subject.

Why are people confusing being quiet with incompetence?

@Porcupineinwaiting

I'm quiet but can defend my ideas verbally. In fact, people tend to take more notice of when I do suggest an idea or challenge something because I don't have verbal diarrhoea to the extent that they switch off.

I think your colleague has other issues going on rather than just being quiet.

@Icenii

Why are people confusing being quiet with incompetence?

Did you ask the teacher in what way is she quiet? Behaviourally ,tone of voice or both?

Group discussion settings are again overrated and not always the most efficient communication channel. Many quiet types like to process the array of information their way and not jump in to win a debate for the sake of being heard. You could pose them a specific question or lay out the problem to solve, not, "what do you think, X, you've been very quiet over there?"

Also, quiet pupils might not be really engaged in a particular topic. Can you imagine inventors and tech types (think Bill Gates) as children would have much to say in the many subjects they have zero interest in? They'd be thinkig "but I really have nothing to add"

Also, have you seen at work or perhaps recall at school, the loud bullshitty types who "verbally defend their ideas" all the time usually also are cajoling (bullying) others into their way instead of taking the time to listen, one to one?

Is it a criticism or an observation? Most parents want the teachers to say something about the personality of their child. If a child says little then they may be described factually as quiet. It seems a bit to me like the negative connotation might be because you perceive it to be a criticism from your own childhood. Why not choose to see it as a positive yourself? Being quiet means someone who often listens well; gets the best out of the teaching and is not overbearing and dominating the conversation. Many of my quiet learners are excellent students!

I dont think there's anything wrong with being quiet. The classroom.should surely be managed in a way where the sane 4 people dont dominate the class all the time and everyone gets a chance to speak.

If that's not happening that's not on a small child who isn't loud

Quiet isn't necessarily a negative so why did you perceive it as such? I've had teachers use it about my DC and then go on to explain they were worried it meant my DC was unhappy or hadn't established friendships or gelled with the class yet, especially when they had first moved to the school. It was a conversation starter so the teacher could ascertain if that was the DC's personality or if it was a sign they needed more help to settle.

I was quiet all through school right up to A Level. I’d happily answer a question if asked, but as an utter swot one of my defence mechanisms was not to make myself more of a target for bullies by putting my hand up to answer questions! Looking back I should have at least done it sometimes.

I’m an introvert and still hate attention, but at Uni I forced myself to actively participate in tutorials and now as a professional I’m more than able to hold my own in meetings etc, although I’m still not the loudest person in the room.

I still remember being an introvert (a pretty fundamental part of me) being negatively labelled, but not being given any clue as to how I might change, just the imperative that I must or I’d fail in life.

I haven’t failed in life, and am still an introvert. I’d love not to be, because I think life is easier for extroverts - but I’m happy and that’s what counts.

I think teachers in primary should help quiet pupils find their voice, rather than always rely on a “hands up” approach - but for some reason they sometimes prefer to criticise quiet pupils while doing nothing to help!