Selective mutism

[Megwest5]

Hello Is there anyone else who's little who has or has had selective mutism? My dd is 4 and in reception, she currently cannot speak to her teachers, although she spoke to them for the first 3 weeks. She seems happy speaking with friends within the classroom. I'm worried this will effect her later on. Has anyone got any tips or stories to share of their child overcoming this??
Thank you 

There's a great group on FB for families with a child with SM.

I think you must speak to her teacher and the school should work on this. You are not in the classroom. However, as far as I am aware, a tactic which might help is for the teacher to ask open questions. If she’s chatting to friends, the teacher might try and join in. Ask DD to show her/him something she’s done. There’s lots of suggestions out there but I would talk to the teacher and see what strategy the school comes up with.

Lad in DD1's class was completely mute in school situations until almost the end of year 1... we'd "hear" him read by reading books ourselves and letting him just mouth the words and basically lip-reading to check he could do it. Suddenly started talking toward the end of the year... year or so later he absolutely carried the lead in his school play and ended up sitting next to DD1 getting into as much trouble as she was for talking in class for part of this year! If he can get in a word edgeways where DD1's concerned - he can definitely hold his own conversation-wise now!

Have you looked at the selective mutism organisation online - my friend runs it, lots of information and normally they run courses and conferences for parents and professionals.

OP, my DD aged 23 was selectively mute until she was 6. It is more common in girls.

Spoke to her child minder, us and that was it. Village school were fantastic, gentle and nurturing.
She was diagnosed, in the end, at 14 with HFA. I didn't know that selective autism could be a red flag for this. She went through her low points, depression as a teen, but is now a blossomed, confident, emotionally intelligent and articulate teacher ( NQT) with a wonderful boyfriend.
Many was the time that I wrung my hands in anxiety for her, but they do change.
We were lucky with state schools ( we are outside London; they were largely smallish, but she found her feet, managed to get to Cambridge ( also better, as collegiate and smaller environments) to read Chinese and is now teaching Mandarin and French.
We accepted her introversion, did not push social interaction unduly, celebrated successes.
Hard as it may be to watch, I would not push anything, accept her as she is, be patient and just love her... I bet she is wonderful.
I accept that our situation is but one. But the only bit of support I can lend you is to remember that things change, how she is at 4 will not be how things are at 14 or 24.
They will not necessarily get worse, probably better.
All the best OP.

@PresentingPercy

I think you must speak to her teacher and the school should work on this. You are not in the classroom. However, as far as I am aware, a tactic which might help is for the teacher to ask open questions. If she’s chatting to friends, the teacher might try and join in. Ask DD to show her/him something she’s done. There’s lots of suggestions out there but I would talk to the teacher and see what strategy the school comes up with.

I've spoken to her teachers who are aware, and trying to get SENCO to have a look at DD in class but with COVID it's not that simple. She is so out going with family and children. She doesn't cling to me to going into school. She communicates with teachers by pointing or shaking an object E.G if she wants help with her coat.

@drspouse

There's a great group on FB for families with a child with SM.

Thank you I have look at fb pages, but it sends me into more worry and panic.

My daughter hardly spoke at preschool (actually I wasn't told until a while later when a preschool teacher commented it was the first time she'd heard my daughter speak.) She spoke rarely in reception and only to close friend and teacher (but very quietly). She would never speak to anyone she didn't know well - so looked rude in many situations but just couldn't talk.

This year she is going to be 11 and she chose to read something out in public at an event we were at. I nearly cried thinking of how far she has come.

She still has many anxieties but as she gets older is coping more and more.

Be patient, be gentle, work with the school but don't try to force her. Good luck.

@Oneearringlost

OP, my DD aged 23 was selectively mute until she was 6. It is more common in girls.

Spoke to her child minder, us and that was it. Village school were fantastic, gentle and nurturing.
She was diagnosed, in the end, at 14 with HFA. I didn't know that selective autism could be a red flag for this. She went through her low points, depression as a teen, but is now a blossomed, confident, emotionally intelligent and articulate teacher ( NQT) with a wonderful boyfriend.
Many was the time that I wrung my hands in anxiety for her, but they do change.
We were lucky with state schools ( we are outside London; they were largely smallish, but she found her feet, managed to get to Cambridge ( also better, as collegiate and smaller environments) to read Chinese and is now teaching Mandarin and French.
We accepted her introversion, did not push social interaction unduly, celebrated successes.
Hard as it may be to watch, I would not push anything, accept her as she is, be patient and just love her... I bet she is wonderful.
I accept that our situation is but one. But the only bit of support I can lend you is to remember that things change, how she is at 4 will not be how things are at 14 or 24.
They will not necessarily get worse, probably better.
All the best OP.

This is amazing I'm so glad your daughter is doing so well. Gives me hope. Yes we try not to talk about the not talking, I always try and say how much I like her teachers and it's so lovely how much you've learnt from them. She tells me doesn't talk to them, and I say that's okay but if you do want to that's fine as well. DD is in a small class and is friends with everyone has one close friend who she's even gone for dinner after school which she loved. Just strange how she started off talking and now gone mute.

She's only 4 try not to worry just yet. I worked with a sm child back along. The senco did a cracking job of doing an intervention once a day where the child and one friend sat with her in a room with some toys and just the senco just very gently encouraged chatter. These things take time but looking back this was actually a pretty successful intervention.

I don't know your child but in my case it was hugely connected with shyness.

In my experience, primary schools are very set up for this. I help with infant classes and have seen several children over the years who are selective mute.

The latest child, also a girl, is much loved by her classmates, and gradually came to communicate with the adults.

My eldest, a boy, was the opposite - fine, if quiet, in reception but almost selective mute in years 5 and 6. Wouldn't talk to new adults or supply teachers at all.

Very patient teachers, good transition to secondary and LAMDA lessons from a gentle teacher, he now leads the school debating team in 6th form, is taking public speaking LAMDA and is scared of nothing.

Has she been referred to speech therapy? My son and daughter had/have selective mutism and input from SALT has been really useful.

I've taught three children who have had this.

One started talking just after starting year 2. Another started part way through year 1.

Latest one came back to school after lockdown talking. During lockdown it was the first time we'd 'heard' him talking as his parents were uploading videos of him as part of his home learning.

We have never tried to force these children to talk in class and just been patient with them, and taking things at their pace. Most would eventually whisper to one adult in the class.

All would talk to their friends, but only if the adults weren't around.

Yes I think I’m going to have to chase the senco side with COVID and going into the class witch is frustrating. She is shy out of school something with adults but other could be strangers she will half talk and play.

No she has yet, was he referred by school or gp

Referred by school, although I think in some areas parents can make their own referrals as well.