Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Gutted with friendship issues

50 replies

Ellie2015 · 03/11/2020 02:59

Hello
My LG has just moved to reception from nursery. She is one of the youngest in her class. We invested a lot in a relationship when she was in nursery. We made friends with her ‘best friends’ parents and we had lot of play dates etc, almost like a family. My LG is quite social and a lot many others kids wanted to be her ‘best friends’ but she is so much into that she ignored them all. Say she is standing next to someone trying to make friends with her, she will suddenly run to that friend. It’s been only a month but her parents have given us a shock. Basically they have been reaching out to other families in an attempt to make new friendship and my daughter hasn’t had any play date with her best friend for a long time. I tried arranging play dates with her other friends but she wouldn’t enjoy them as much and feels sad that her best friend is going out and having fun with others. I feel so hurt and cheated by the family. When I tried speaking to the mother so totally ignored my concerns and doesn’t find anything wrong in it. My LG is very bright and popular and I am just hurt and sad that she is sad for one person who actually does want to be with her but her parents are actively wanting her to be with new friends. They have even gone to extent of hiding their play dates from us and us suddenly bumping them with their other friends, whereas originally they had turned down our offer for play date saying they are busy etc. I feel like they are crushing my beautiful girls emotions. Sadly the new friends the girl has made are all in my LG’s class so it may get even trickier from here on.

Please if someone could advise what should be my advice to my daughter. At this age, kids are kids and I thought we should let them be as they are but my daughter is constantly getting hurt by active steps from the girls parents.

What should I do please? She is my only one. Can’t see her confused and sad. Don’t want these things to impact her performance as she is very bright. The other girl is 5 and her parents are constantly comparing her with my daughter and are competitive.

What should I do as a mother please? Thank you

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Spied · 03/11/2020 12:08

I think the other family probably felt suffocated by you and forced into some kind of weird unit where you were all their to facilitate your respective dd's united friendship.
I honestly dare to bet they feel they have escaped you. Sounds like things were stifling.
I don't think you encouraged your DD to play with others at all - until she had no other option.
What did you used to say to DD when other DC tried to make friends with her and she'd run off to find bestie?
I'm thinking the exclusivity was encouraged.
Not nice when your DD is on the back foot now is it?

rorosemary · 03/11/2020 12:31

I feel for your daughter but in the end you can't tell other parents how to parent, as difficult as that may be. The only thing you can do is put your daughters future happiness first and keep encouraging her to make new/other (preferably multiple) friends. It sounds like you are already doing that so keep at it. If this other girl keeps telling the classmates that they can't play with your daughter then discreetly raise it with the teacher to intervene so she can play with others.

Lisaq01 · 03/11/2020 12:59

I can totally understand your worries but honestly she is 4!!! She will make lots of new friends at school.. My daughter does play with any of her nursery friends.. she has a lovely group of friends and a bestie which she has had since reception but they didnt know one another before (she is in yr 5 now)

My year 2 daughter is still very close to her nursery bestie but they have a wide circle of friends and have playdates and parties all over!!

1AngelicFruitCake · 03/11/2020 13:56

I don’t understand why you’re shocked at my response as an early years teacher? Please listen to me and take onboard my experience, I’m trying to help you look at things more objectively. A child being so fixated on another child to the detriment of playing with others, does need help with friendships. That doesn’t mean your child is massively struggling just that she needs to learn to deal with friendships herself, without you being involved. Good luck and try and listen to the advice of other parents without feeling defensive.

ScrumptiousBears · 03/11/2020 14:02

My oldest is in year 2 and she's had many "best friends". You need to encourage her to play with others. She's at school a long time and you'll have many other friendship issues, so brace yourself.

Original poster

Ellie2015 · 03/11/2020 18:51

Angelic thanks All I can say to you is I listened to those who spoke nicely. I am a mother just reaching out for advice. I will definitely ignore people like Spies who I find vile In their response. You seem concerned genuinely but you have somehow got the wrong end of the stick. My DD isn’t struggling with friendship. She is a happy child just MORE passionate about A particular child who reached out to her along with her parents to settle down in a new nursery they joined and basically seems to have moved on as their daughter is settled in the school.

Some responses have been very effective and I have taken them on board.

Rosemary and LisaQ thank you so much for your responses. I am a different mum than I was yesterday. Not worried at all. DD reported to me that she played with many friends today (including the mentioned girl) and looked happy. So I am happy. Thanks all x

OP posts:

jambeforeclottedcream · 03/11/2020 18:57

I'd dial it back a bit

All the DCs on involved are 4/5, you do realise that you're going to have 12 + years of this drama. I'd preserve you're energy for when it's actually serious and you're meddling is actually required

LarryUnderwood · 03/11/2020 19:03

Maybe the parents are concerned that their daughter is too focused on one friendship, and they're encouraging her to play with others because they don't want their child AND your daughter to isolate themselves?

Babypug · 03/11/2020 19:08

This is joke surely, winding people up with your over sensitive responses too! I think you need help before you pass on these traits to your daughter. You had to expect honest replies to your question which you posted asking for advice. Just saying

Original poster

Ellie2015 · 03/11/2020 21:53

Babypug yes It surely is- finding people like you who have all the time in the world to jump up unnecessarily to conclusions that’s not required. I have seeked advice doesn’t you sh*t advice on me! Stop such behaviours and look after yourself.

Leave others alone.

Good luck

I am gonna end this thread as I do not want vile people like you to write just because you CAN write!

Jambeforeclotttedclean and LarryUnderwood, thanks so much. Appreciate your responses and as I said before am a happy mother today. Thanks to those who helped me tone my worries down and as you rightly said I need to save this for genuine issues! Thanks a ton xxx

OP posts:

Original poster

Ellie2015 · 03/11/2020 22:06

Baby pud yes I do find it a joke finding people like you. I would advice the same to you. Anything can be presented decently. Look after yourself first thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

Ellie2015 · 03/11/2020 22:07

Baby pud yes I do find it a joke finding people like you. I would advice the same to you. Anything can be presented decently. Look after yourself first thanks

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 04/11/2020 08:37

Like I said, I can’t think why this family are trying to distance themselves from you

Emmacb82 · 04/11/2020 13:31

My ds has just started reception and every day he comes home with a different best friend. When he was at pre school he had 2 children that he played with and he didn’t want to play with anyone else. I would much rather he plays with everyone and has lots of little friends than just one. Kids at this age are very fickle and move on to other relationships very quickly. They don’t have the capacity to think that they might have upset somebody. Instead of dwelling on the fact that your daughter is sad about missing her friend, encourage her to make others. Have play dates with other children (after lockdown of course) even if she doesn’t seem keen as she will enjoy making new friends. Don’t feel gutted. The other girls parents are just doing what they feel is best for their little girl. Perhaps by going on play dates with your daughter all the time, they might have had trouble getting their daughter to make new friends.

mumonthehill · 04/11/2020 13:45

I want to say this in a very gentle way, that if you are taking to heart so much these friendship issues at this age then you have a long road ahead of you regarding children and friendships. Children cling to certain friends at certain periods of their lives, they then move on at times. This can be seem less or tricky. However, be aware that your child may do to others what has also been done to her, we have all had a dc at the rough end of a friendship but then before you know it they are the ones not being so kind. Encourage her to enjoy the positive friendships around her, move on from your own loss of friendship with her friends parents, they are still young and they may become great friends again.

nougatsquirrel · 04/11/2020 19:34

Take a deep breath. Go for a walk in the country side. Distract yourself and try and gain some perspective.
Relationships at all ages, come and go.
It is OK and health for your daughter to make friends with other children.
And it is OK and healthy for that other little girl and her parents to do the same.
They do not owe you anything, or any explanations.
The hurt you feel is yours. And perhaps it is triggering something from your past? An early relationship you had?
Dig deep and try and figure out what it brings up for you.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 04/11/2020 19:44

Thanks I will ignore people who have no nice words than dramatic etc.

Let's see how that works out for you

I mean this nicely OP. I think the other family probably found you suffocating and intense. Chill the fuck out.

Children sort it out amongst themselves. Speaking from experience of two boys and a girl all now grown up and functioning brilliantly.

BLASTPROCESSING · 04/11/2020 20:28

"I am gonna end this thread as I do not want vile people like you to write just because you CAN write!"

Lol that's not how forums work

MerchantOfVenom · 04/11/2020 20:43

OK people, maybe be kind.

I think the OP has got the message that there are some things she can do differently, and that maybe it’s not as awful a situation as perhaps she had thought it was.

I think we can all relate to feeling upset on behalf of our kids - as rational or irrational as that upset might sometimes be.

P.S. I don’t think in the history of ever has someone managed to chill ‘the fuck’ out, on being told to do it that particular way.

SeasonFinale · 04/11/2020 20:48

You are being too overwhelming for the other family and I suspect maybe your daughter is doing the same to the daughter. They are taking the opportunity to distance themselves and unfortunately you will have to let them.

liverbird10 · 04/11/2020 22:51

@Finfintytint

Children don’t have “ best” friends at that age. Too suffocating. Let your child have multiple friends and don’t criticise other parents for wanting the same.

I had a "best friend" in nursery, we were joined at the hip and our families would do everything together.

By the time I was 7, I had plenty of other friends, a new best friend, and was baffled when my mum pointed out that I'd been so close with this other lass years earlier.

MintyMabel · 04/11/2020 23:46

my LG does have multiple friends as I said she is very Social and popular

But also
a lot many others kids wanted to be her ‘best friends’ but she is so much into that she ignored them all

Both can't be true.

I was the parent of the other child when DD was in nursery. One child clamped herself to DD and it basically stopped her being able to make any other relationships. We tried to have other play dates but the girl (and her mum) were really shitty about it.

We had no choice but to let it happen. Then they got to primary school and the little madam dropped her like a stone for some kid who lived near her gran.

It was a real pain in the arse to deal with. Stop pushing it and let the other kid make some friends.

lollipoprainbow · 05/11/2020 06:35

Just be grateful your dd is sociable and popular my dd is very shy and struggles to make friends at school. Her best friend moved to a different town just before their transition to primary school and it has been a nightmare. She changed schools and has a friend but the girl is very controlling and stops her playing with other children, it breaks my heart as she is very unhappy.

MiniCooperLover · 05/11/2020 09:33

OP, you sound offended the other family are organising play dates that don't include your DD. You need to get over that, it will happen that your DD gets excluded at times.

BlueCrispsareSandV · 09/11/2020 16:46

When my daughter was in Reception and Year 1 she had this friend who she always talked about they called each other best friends, lots of playdates etc.

Now they're in Year 2 and hardly play with each other anymore and both have new friends. It's the way it is.

Do you know for certain the other girl is saying your daughter is her best friend? Could it be if she is that the parents are trying to stop their daughter suffocating yours with her saying no one else can play with her?

Flip

1 2