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DD started primary - am I right to be worried?

4 replies

Stroan · 10/10/2020 22:57

DD started primary in August (Scotland). She will be 5 in November so is fairly young in her year group. She was desperate to go to school, is very keen to learn and likes structure. During lockdown, she learned to read (at her request, we followed the same phonics programme that her school uses but she mostly taught herself), write and spell. She could already do sums and count to 100. She loves science and will choose to watch STEM videos, she understands them and can have detailed conversations about what she has learned.

We've had some concerns since she started - not specifically with the school but how she is settling.

Would you worry about the following?

She has to go to breakfast club as she is reluctant to go in the school gates at normal drop off. She's never been like that before but we put it down to a big change after lockdown

She doesn't seem to interact much with her class. She could tell you the full name of every child at nursery before she was two but can barely name any of her classmates. Lots of children shout and wave to her at pick up and she waves back but has little else to say. She gets annoyed if we ask about the other children.

She had to be moved to sit in front of the teacher because she was climbing/swinging on her chair/putting blu tac in her mouth.

She doesn't eat lunch and the management team have raised concerns that she is trying to sneak her food into the bin.

She pretends that she doesn't know things in class. For example, sounds and letters. But happily plays games at home where she demonstrates that she DOES know them. We had wondered if the silly behaviour was down to boredom so had mentioned to the teacher what she can do, but then she goes in and pretends she is learning letters for the first time. The teacher must think I am ridiculous.

We got a tracking report on Friday and it stated that she often declines to participate in lessons - she was always the first at nursery to get involved in activities so this is surprising. Her behaviour is inconsistent but she is confident speaking in class.

We've noticed that her drawing and writing have become messy and imprecise. In lockdown, she was creating really intricate drawings and colouring within the lines. Now she scribbles and when she writes her name it's barely legible.

Some days she'll tell us in great detail what she has done and on other days she cries if we ask how her day was.

In the last week, she's told us of 4 violent incidents with one girl. One was reported by the school, she had scratches and finger marks on her arm after being pinched. On Friday, she says she spent her lunch break hiding in the toilets because the girl called her "evil bear" and said she couldn't play unless she was evil. She says she went there to calm down and didn't want anyone to see her, but I'm quite shocked that she even thought about hiding in the toilets.

I'm not in the slightest bit concerned about her progress or attainment, it really doesn't matter at her age. I am very confused that she is pretending not to know things and wonder if it's a sign that she isn't very happy or settled. We've had a lot of emotional outbursts and wailing at home, nightmares and she's exhausted. But that seems par for the course.

Are these normal starting school behaviours?

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BackBeatTheWordisOnTheStreet · 10/10/2020 23:32

I'd definitely be concerned she felt the need to hide in the toilet. The other stuff could be lack of confidence after being away from other children so long in lockdown and maybe trying to immitate what the other children know/how they write etc.

Mivemove · 11/10/2020 00:01

A lot of high ability children hide their abilities to fit in. They also when bored, "act out". I am not sure if your daughter is high ability or not, but that is just something to be aware of.
I would be very concerned about hiding in toilet part and about the 4 violent incidents. I just want you to know that it isn't normal school behaviour. Please discuss this with her teacher.
It must be a lot to take in for your daughter. I am glad that she has you for support x.

Stroan · 11/10/2020 07:25

Thank you. I should have said - we'll definitely be raising the toilet thing and the repeated violence as soon as school reopens.

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SJaneS48 · 11/10/2020 18:27

I would definitely speak to the teacher about the violence - I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s not the only child experiencing pinching/other forms of violence from this child. She has told you about it though which is a positive sign. I do think overall that it’s really really early days as yet and school is a big change for them so try not to worry too much (hard I know). I’d also try and change the questions so instead of asking who she played with, ask her what she liked best about her day and what she liked least. You don’t want to project anxiety on her about being friendless if she’s on her own on occasions - they all are basically! I know this is something I did with youngest DD and I think that’s one of the best pieces of advice someone gave me!

I would take mental note of names that come up on the ‘what was good about my day’ bit and start arranging a few play dates from that. I never loved having them but they do help cement friendships.

Youngest DD had a pincher and hair puller in her Reception class who made her cry & hide in the corner of the playground on a very regular basis. By Year 2 they were good friends & the nightmare child turned out to be actually quite sweet! That’s often the way with kids at Primary though!

Best wishes, do speak to the teacher but try not to worry too much. Starting school is hard on both kids and parents!

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