Struggling with transition to Y1

[User24689]

Hi all. Looking for advice from any Y1/ reception teachers or parents who have been through the same.

Late august born daughter started Y1 3 weeks ago. She had a good reception year (despite the lockdown), had some good friendships and left in July able to read stage 2 biff and chip books, knowing all her phase 3 sounds and tricky words and able count one and two back and forth from any number and do basic single digit addition/ subtraction. I thought this was reasonable for end of reception, though many of her classmates were way ahead of this.

She has had a miserable start to Y1. She is so emotional and tired. She is struggling with friendships as girls she was friends with last year have made different friends in their new class (they mixed up the classes) and the ones she is still with have been making new friendships too and leaving her out. She says she spends a lot of playtimes finding people to play with and often comes out saying "they let me play!" Like this is an amazing thing, which is sad. I see other children disappearing off on play dates after school or arranging things on the class whatsapp and although we have had two friends round the invites haven't been reciprocated.

Last night she had a huge cry at bedtime and admitted that all the children can do maths that she can't do and that she often doesn't understand what everyone else is doing. Her main anxiety is subtraction. She says they are doing big numbers and often the whole class has their hands up and she doesn't know how they all know the answer. She also said they don't play much anymore in school and she misses it and her old teacher. After having a chat with her, I realised she now cannot count on forward and back at all, even adding one. She can no longer do any basic addition and subtraction of single digit numbers. She can count back from ten but not higher.

The teacher has raised no concerns, but maybe hasn't noticed. She says that nobody has listened to her read yet either. I have laid right off the school work at home as she has been so tired, just getting her to read to me a few times a week. I now feel awful I haven't noticed how much she is struggling with it all.

At the end of the day the teacher often chats to parents , raising things children were a bit upset about, any issues from the day, and often heaping praise on children who have tried really hard that day or had prizes for things. I never get any comment at all, just "bye DD see you tomorrow". She is quiet and I think she is just fading into the background, not achieving much but also not causing a problem.

Would I be unreasonable to speak to the teacher about any of the above? I don't want to be 'that parent' and may be worrying unnecessarily. I realise that it is still only September and teachers have a hard job this year so don't want to be pushy. Any advice?

I'm a teacher, yes talk to the teacher.
'That parent' is never a parent whose child is really upset about going to school and is really struggling, we want to hear from those parents.
'That parent' is a parent who continually demands unreasonable things like regular unnecessary meetings, insists they know better than the teacher about things like reading levels, goes straight to the head with trivial issues rather than the teacher first...
We want to hear from concerned parents who can give us insight we are missing and work together with us to find a solution for the child, which is you.

Another teacher here! I completely agree with what the previous poster says. Your child's teacher will want to know how upset your child is feeling. You've got quite a few things to discuss - the tiredness, difficulties with friendships and struggling with school work so you may want to request an appointment so they are able to give you a reasonable amount of time. They may ask you to wait until parents evening though.

Definitely flag it with the teacher. Just to be optimistic though mine always gets exhausted for the first half term of a new school year. It may well sort itself out. I still think it's worth flagging with the teacher so she doesn't lose her confidence though.

Do you not have a reading log book or teacher/parent log book where you raise these issues? I had to log comments about reading and other homework. I heard DDs read and then commented about their reading at home in the log book. If you don’t have any contact with the teacher, then I think you do need to raise your concerns. At our school, the teachers replied in the log book. I guess Email has come to the fore but it’s a shame because weekly contact via the log book works well.

I think some DC will find going back to school very difficult and home schooling during lockdown won’t have been a success for some. Teachers do know some DC will not remember teaching from YR.

I feel sorry for her regarding playing. Some DC do get sidelined. I had one with this issue in Y3. However, it can be down to very confident DC being the playmakers and leaders. I also found play dates not reciprocated. As time goes by, DD will find her friends but in the meantime, some play with others is happening and of course other DDs will be “allowed” to play as well. It won’t just be your DD. Small schools can have this issue more than larger schools of course. Sometimes children try to get in with the confident “leadership” group but they then learn other DC are more likely to be their friends and find them naturally. Do ask if they can monitor her at play times.

Thanks so much for all your advice. I have emailed the teacher with the main concern being the maths as that is what she seems most worried about.

I have mentioned that she has also mentioned not having people to play with.

DD has always been a quirky character, she took a long time to develop her social skills (we did suspect she was on the spectrum for a long time). She is so much better now but many of the girls in her class are so much more confident. She finds it hard to talk to unknown adults which means she will often look down when other parents talk to her. I'm working with her on this but I think the children that bounce out and speak to their friends parents are naturally more likely to get invited on playdates.

She also struggles with imaginative play and I've noticed a lot of the other kids are big into that at the moment. In the park the other day a little girl in her class kept asking her to play "aliens" which just involved running around and making silly noises and chasing each other pretending to be aliens. DD just looked totally baffled at the suggestion and kept looking to me as though to ask what to do. She kept trying to steer the little girl to actual activities like going on the monkey bars or playing hide and seek but the girl just seemed to get bored of DD so went off to find someone else to play aliens with.

DD is a lovely girl with a great sense of humour and I think she is lots of fun but it's like she isn't on the same wavelength as the others. I don't really feel like I can say any of this to he teacher because it isn't something she can do anything about really, it's just who she is!

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is hard and exhausting to see your child having these kinds of troubles at school. First off, schedule a lot of play dates with lots of children. Friendships come and go at this age, but it sounds like there might be some new faces in her classroom as they switched them around and so just familiarity will make it a bit better. Also, she will absolutely find on her own those children that want to play with her on the monkey bars or hide and seek. As for the academic side, I agree talk to the teacher but remember that it is still only the first month of school and I am sure she will find her stride. Perhaps she inadvertently found herself in with the more extroverted girls. But i am sure there are others like her.

Finally, i am sure she is just very tired. 6 months of lockdown and now back at school and it is all a bit overwhelming. I think a good chat with the teacher will make you feel better and thus her feel better. Particularly if she feels that her teacher is on her side and someone she can go to if she is feeling uncertain or has a problem.

Actually I think you can mention it. I’m not sure either of my DDS would have been interested in running around making noises like an alien. What your DD will work our though is that there are others in the school who will play like her. They also learn to be around the others who are running around making lots of noise. My DDs were not the types to run around like headless chickens but I think more DC seem to be very noisy now - everywhere.

Have you never had a dressing up box? Encouraged imaginative play in any way? What did she do at nursery? I would mention play to the teacher because they certainly can monitor who she is playing with and what the dynamics of the year group are in the playground.

I think most DC get more confident. Has the school asked them to say anything in front of parents yet? What about parent assemblies in YR? Nativity? Schools should try and help DC build up their confidence. So I would mention that too.

All of our year 1s are tired and many finding separation from parents still hard in the mornings. Sitting in 2s facing forward is a big change from reception too plus the staff to children ratio is often lower as children transition to a greater level of independence. As others said, it’s the first term and it may well sort itself out.

Interested to read this thread as my Yr1 is falling apart slightly at drop off each morning. Really doesn't want to leave me. He has never been like this before even at pre school. It is a new school for him but he has lots of friends already and is doing well academically. No obvious reason for it at all. Very tricky driving off and leaving him at the mo.

Thanks so much for your replies and it is interesting/ slightly reassuring to hear other Y1s are tired and emotional.

I had a good response from the teacher. She said there are a few in the class who can't subtract one and they will be doing some small group work with these children. She gave me some ideas to do at home. She said she will touch base with me again about this at parents eve next month or sooner if no progress seems to be being made.

I webt to see a friend yesterday who has a daughter also in Y1. Though she is 6 months older I feel she is streets ahead of DD and I left feeling a bit panicky. Her daughter independently reads to herself and is reading chapter books and writing in lovely sentences with full stops/ capitals all letters the same size. I said I thought this was brilliant and she seemed surprised, like this was what she would expect her to be doing. I feel a bit like I've let DD down by not being aware of what is 'average' for her age.

Re: the imaginary stuff. I'm not sure what I've done to encourage it or if I should be doing more. We do have a dressing up box yes although she only really uses it when friends come, led by them. We have a dolls house and Playmobil people etc. She can spend a fair amount of time 'setting up' the dolls house then it is 'done' and she puts it away. Whereas my son who is only 3 will 'pretend' with the people and they will be having a party etc. I do notice this is unusual among her friends and wonder if whatever causes this difference in how she plays also causes difficulty with making connections with friends.

OP that child that is 6 months older is not typical at all!! I work in a mixed Y1&2 class and cover classes across all year groups. That sounds like a top year 2 at our school or an average y3/4. We have a few y1s that can write sentences but still need reminding to use capital letters and full stops.

The other child sounds very advanced don't give it a second thought. It does sound like DD may need a bit of help with social skills. She'll probably do better with one on one playdates so I'd keep plugging away at those even if you don't get return invites. Are there any local activities like rainbows or arts club you could put her down for? Interacting in a small group might help her build those social skills and confidence.