Finding it hard not knowing what they are doing in Reception

[polexiaaphrodesia]

Hi all, please be kind to a struggling mum of PFB here! DS started school 3 weeks ago and I am really struggling with not knowing what he has been doing during the say, whether he is happy and making friends etc. He hasn't mentioned any other children in his class and when I ask him who he has been playing with he says "nobody". In terms of what they've been doing all day the most I get is "I ate my apple on the carpet" so no real information there either!
He goes straight to a childminder after school 4 days a week for tea until I collect him at 5.30 and she always says he's been fine but DH walks him in to school 4 mornings a week with some other children from our street who are in his class who are skipping and jumping and chatting away while DS is not engaging with the others.
Do you think it would be OK to speak to his teacher on the morning that I take him in to see if he is genuinely on his own all day? I'm worried that he doesn't know how to make friends as he was in a lovely nursery with the same group of friends from when he was 1 so hasn't ever been in a situation where he has to make friends before.

It's really early in the term. Ask the teacher for some feedback if you are worried. He'll probably be much more settled after Christmas.
V good ideas on here about other questions to ask. Don't ask 'how was it' as you won't really get a good answer. I often used to ask 'what was the best thing you did today' and 'what was the worst' which will get them to focus on a specific thing that may have registered.
Not latching onto a special friend is actually really helpful in the longer term, better to have several who like different things.

I saw a really good idea on Instagram for hearing more about your child's day. Instead of asking lots of questions which is overwhelming, just tell them about your day - it models the kind of info/detail you're expecting, and they often naturally chat back. So after a general "how was your day?" I just chat about what I had for lunch, if I've been anywhere or done anything, and then she responds with much more of her own info quite naturally.

DD1 told me everything down to the minute detail in reception. Other mums used to come and ask her what they'd done.
DD2 I got a run down on all the latest incidents in the class (she had an "interesting" class!)
Ds I got the football score at lunchtime and sometimes what he'd eaten.

I found you got more information with specific comments:
"Who did you sit next to at lunch?"
"Did you do any writing today?"
"Have you changed your reading book?"
"Was it someone's birthday today?"

This is part of your child’s first foray into independence - remember, that’s our job - to give them that gradually over the next 11-13 years from Year R. You don’t NEED to know. Leave him be.

OP I feel just the same and have to bite my tongue to stop myself interrogating DS! He's been in full time from the very beginning of September so over 3 weeks now, I do get snippets but it's usually at bedtime and it's random stuff, no structure to it really.

He's happy enough to go into school and he's always really happy coming out, so that's all I can ask for just now.

I look forward to hearing how he's doing from the teacher whenever parents' evening might be, but I'm not going to ask before as I know teachers have a lot to deal with at the minute with all the restrictions.

It is hard though I totally feel your pain! I'm naturally a highly strung, controlling person and he is my PFB too so I like to know everything.

My son is the same but luckily his class uses the Tapestry app otherwise I wouldn’t have much of an idea of what he’s been up to.
I think if you’re feeling concerned then ring or email the teacher, I’m sure she will be completely understanding. Or do you know any of the other parents? maybe you could arrange a play date (even just a meet-up at the playground), and your son and their child can play together if you’re worried he hasn’t made friends yet. Just remember it’s still early days and he’s got lots of time to get to know the other children 🙂

My niece has just gone into her last year at Primary. "What did you do in school today?"
"Stuff".

Make friends with a mum of girls, they know everything

Yes to asking very specific questions but do it over tea or at bedtime, rather than bombard them as soon as they get out of school.

‘Did you do PE today
‘Who did you sit next to at lunch’
‘Have you done any numbers today’

Also take ‘nothing’ with a pinch of salt.

It’s absolutely fine to want to talk to the teacher but I’d arrange a specific time - first thing as all the children arrive isn’t a good time for the teacher to chat.

Try some of the questioning strategies above too.

Thank you all for your brilliant ideas. We've had a much better end to the week and he has skipped out of the childminders full of beans. Tried some of the ways you suggested to gently extract some information(!) and have heard about the learning train, being on the cloud/sunshine/star and other bits and pieces! I think I will leave it until parents evening to ask the teacher how he is doing as he seems happy enough. Lots of recommendations to watch Robert Winston which I'll do this weekend!

Most the kids in this age group are in their own little world and still self focused whilst trying to learn the school basics still. It’s quiet intense for them and they get tired. I wouldn’t push him for answers he just sees the world as a very young boy. I have seen kids this age who know other kids through family friends and play and hang out at the weekend or whatever, and they barely connect in class or school as there’s so much going on and they just don’t see each other. Weird I know. School is a busy place. Also these kids go to where a noise is, a toy is or an activity. It’s not so much like there’s my mate, I’ll go play with them. And they often pick different kids or groups of kids to merge with each day. It’s a small, narrow world they live in at this age.