Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Unsettled in Reception

7 replies

jules12 · 03/10/2007 17:44

Hi I wondered if anyone could give me some advice. My daughter started in her reception class about 4 weeks ago. Apart from the first day she has been continually unsettled. On the second day she found it difficult to undo her summer dress buttons (the size of polo shirt buttons) and was told she would have to get used to doing them herself. On the second day, because they only have a limited time in the hall, she was not quick enough and she was told to stop mucking about and hurry up. My daughter was distraught for the first week and now does not like p.e because she does not feel confident about doing her buttons and getting undressed quickly. I spoke to the teacher about it and the classroom assistant after the first set of comments were made. They said they would help her but then didn't. By the Friday she just burst into tears. I ended up seeing the head who then sorted it out. Today my daughter has come home upset. They were practicing their names in the class and she could not write the letter e, she said that she started crying and her teacher said oh don't start that. You are going to have to start gettting used to school. She was then told to go and sit on the mat. She was really upset. She has not been sleeping because she is becoming more and more distressed and sees school as somewhere where she can't do things. I have tried throughout to remain positive. Practicing everything at home, making up stories about characters starting school and settling and when she goes in she is fine, but this all seems to be undone by the end of the day, when something negative has been said to her. I am concerned that because she was upset at the fact she can't do something she was in a way told off for crying rather than just trying to encourage her to try again. When she got home we practiced her name and she wrote e within 10 minutes. We have just moved back from living abroad and my daughter left her old preschool there, then started one here for 6 months and then started school. She has had some big changes and I had a meeting with the teacher before she started to let her know my daughters circumstances as you are advised to do. Also I explained that if she does not feel secure in the first few days or something happens this will mean that anything else that happens on top of that, upsets her and she would find it difficult settling in. Both her preschools concurred with this and her preschool prior to joining school wrote that in her report. However, the approach the teacher has taken is not very encouraging and I can see she is beginning to withdraw and hates school. She has also started to wetting the bed. Of couse, I was not there but the wording she used was the words of a 4 and a half year old. And I am now getting concerned about how stressed she is getting at nights. However, will the teacher listen, when she doesn't seemed to have thus far. I am not criticising the work teachers do, I know they work hard and they have particularly large classes. Nor do I want to tell her teacher how to do her job. However, my thoughts were that in the first few weeks the teacher would be putting the emphasis on settling the children in but my child seems to be becoming increasingly unsettled day by day. The negative comments worry me. Any advice greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Kaz33 · 03/10/2007 17:59

Huge hugs - this sounds very traumatic and with DS2 just having started reception I do understand some of the emotion of not being able to help your daughter as she starts her school career.

The teacher sounds a bit pants to me, she herself doesn't seem to be listening and there is no way that she should be talking to your daughter like that. If she continues then I think you need to schedule a meeting and talk to the teacher, it might be your daughters over imagination so you need to be cautious.

A lot of children find the whole getting dressed/undressed thing traumatic. Can you get her clothes that are easier to put on, our school does skirts/polo shirts that require no button doing up.

If she is feeling unsettled then some gentle playdates to help her make friends might be helpful. Helping her to settle in.

As for wetting the bed, don't make a fuss and hopefully it will sort itself out. That again is very normal and I would say that DS2 has a 50% hit rate on a dry bed.

jules12 · 03/10/2007 18:05

Thanks for you kind words and helpful advicen Kaz33. Yes I put her winter uniform on which has a zip and I don't do the buttons up. I don't believe it is over imagination because she is using very adult language when she said it and she can remember things word for word when something happens to her. Of course there have been somethings that she has mentioned that i have let go because they are normal things that she has to get used to. But when I spoke to them about what had been said about getting changed they did not deny that that had been said to her. On this occassion, not only the words but the negative approach that was used worries me. Is it not normal for a child to be tearful in the first few weeks. Because this is the message that I get from todays incident.

OP posts:
hawesmead5 · 05/10/2007 20:35

I am a reception teacher and it worries me that a teacher would respond to a child in such a manner especially in the first few weeks. I would say the majority of our PE time is spent getting changed in the first few weeks and I try and set up a buddy system where I encourgae the children on the tables to help each other with tricky items such as buttons, as obviously the teacher and assistant alone do not have enough hands to help everyone. I give out stickers to anyone that I see being a 'good friend' who is helping another and this really encourages them to look out for each other. Maybe you could approach the teacher again stating your concerns even mentioning that your dd is wetting the bed again. You could perhaps ask if any of the other children could help her or ask if their is anything you could do at home to help her. Here is an idea to help her with her writing if you don't mind getting messy!! Put some paint thinly on a hard surface (maybe the table arrgghh!!!) see if she can write an 'e' with you talking her through it, out, up and round. Then let her have a go on her own, great fun and the positive is she can rub it out if she is not happy with it. Also writing in a shallow tray of sand or with paint brushes and water on the side of the house or ground are also all not threatening ways of writing as they are easily rubbed away or vanish. If she does it really well take a piccy. Saying all that I wouldn't worry too much it is very early days to be writing. Some of the children in my class can't write their names until after Christmas which is completely normal.

jules12 · 06/10/2007 21:08

Thanks for your post hawesmead5, good to see I am not going mad. I have arranged to meet with my daughter's teacher on wednesday. It will mean that the incident happened a week ago but she could not see me before then and I did not want to have to discuss the matter with her whilst my daughter was there.

My daughter wrote the letter e within 10 minutes of me encouraging her on a piece of paper and she can now write her full name. She did this with me on the afternoon after her teacher had made this comment.

I have been completely stressed out by all this. You can imagine that I have been trying to paint school as the best thing since sliced bread to my daughter to encourage her but really crumble in side when she tells me she is always nervous, she hates school and on friday said that she was lonely at school.

I think your ideas about getting changed for p.e. are brilliant. So simple but effective. It is a shame that teaching at reception stage is not more consistent when it comes to things like this. It must happen every year in every school but some teachers are just not making any provisions for it. Thanks for your suggestions about the paint, hey forget the mess, if it helps i will try anything.

Any suggestions about how I tackle my meeting with the teacher. She labels mums like me as pushy mums so you almost feel you are going to be facing a brick wall to start with.

OP posts:
majormoo · 07/10/2007 13:55

Jules that sounds horrible. My DD has just started reception, having turned 4 in August. Like Kaz, on PE day I let her wear clothes that are easy to get on-trousers/skirt, open polo shirt, with jumper-all easy to get on. However, realise not all schools are quite as laid back on uniform.

The teachers/assistants at DDs school have worked really hard to make the children feel happy at school. I think that all parents expect that. When we had our parents meeting, the teacher stressed the important thing was that school was fun in relation to learning to read/write. I don't think it would be pushy to bring up your concerns, although I would try not to be too angry with her until you have heard what she says about the incident.

Lots of children are still nervous about school a few weeks in. I have noticed that some mums are still going into the class room in the mornings with their kids. Really hope she settles soon.

slayerette · 07/10/2007 14:02

Jules, I really feel for you and your dd. I haven't much to add to the advice here but I would be furious if that were my son's reception teacher. He loves school and his two teachers (job share) and I would be heartbroken if anyone upset his confidence. I just wanted to post and say that you sound like a great mum. You are giving your dd so much support that she will be ok in the end.

jules12 · 09/10/2007 13:38

thanks for your kind words slayerette and majormoo. I have a meeting with the class teacher tommorrow, so hopefully we can agree some way forward.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page