playground incidents - DD doesn't want to go to school - what should we/school be doing?

[jeangenie]

Am writing quickly as am about to go into meeting but would appreciate wisdom of MN on this
DD1 (5) is in YR1
We had some issues with over exuberant playground antics last year (from one particular boy to her) but that has all been resolved and they are good buddies now
She did have some issues end of last term and we and school are supposed to be keeping an eye on things
Last week and this she has been coming home saying that two boys in the playground are chasing her all the time and she doesn?t want them to (I think it may have started with them trying to join in a game she and her friends were playing but overdoing it if you like). She told me and I told her to tell teacher if it went on. She did this when it happened again the next day. I met teacher at PT meeting and he said she?d done the right thing and that he would see if she could resolve it herself and step in if not. I thought this was ok (although we had similar type incident last year and teacher [different teacher last year] just left DD1 to get on with it herself which I was very cross about in the end). Anyway, on Monday the boys pushed her and the classroom assistant had to comfort her (not sure if she ended up at first aid) and now yesterday they ?sat on her head? according to DD. She ended up at first aid as a result. DH took her to school today and reported incident to teacher (having already mentioned Monday?s incident yesterday morning) in case he didn?t know. DH said teacher ?registered this but didn?t volunteer anything?. DD says she doesn?t want to go to school every morning now ? we had tears last week (first time ever)
I will be collecting DD from school later today (only get there twice a week) and would like to talk to teacher about this. What should I be pressing for? What is normal strategy in this kind of case? They can?t just keep ignoring it surely?

sorry about weird punctuation - looked fine when I previewed
most of the ?s should be 's

anyone?

is it the same boys every time?

you may have to express it as a bullying problem. That would mean the school have to deal with it under their bullying policy.
Start by putting everything in writing, including what has happened and what you have told them so far. Then ask for a copy of the bullying policy (you could phone the office today so it is ready for you to pick up later today).
When you see teacher, hand him a copy of the written list of what has happened, and make an appointment to speak with him later in the week. That way you and he can both get your thoughts in order about what should be done and how the school will intervene.
Alternatively if you feel you have to get a response today, you need to have in your mind what your objective is. What do you think the school should do?

You need to take this further with hte teacher and ask him to put a specific fplan in place to ensure taht your dd is safe while in school. I think that you need to impress upon him that ending up n first aid is in no way acceptable and that you want to a precise idea how he is goign to deal with things. Have these boys been punished in anyway or even taken aside and told their behaviour is out of order? Surely taht is the first obvious step whcih it doent sound liek the teacher is taking? also teacher on duty may need to keep an eye on all the children in question (easier said that done I know)but not impossible. What is the schools policy on bullying? Tehy should have one I think by law.Do they have a pals system where older kids look after young ones?

If you are not happy with teachers response then I reckon you will need to escalate thsi to the head as it doesnt seem as if the teacher is taking thsi seriously. Thsi is bullying and needs to be curbed quickly. Teacher shoudl be outlining set positive steps to improve the situation not fobbing you off with 'lets see if they settle it themselves'.

Sorry if thats nto much help but I didnt want to leave your question unanswered

how old is she and are the boys the same age?
It does sound ike bullying if it's getting physical and they should definitely take you seriously.
I would book an appointment with the head if the teacher isn't doing anything.

Agree with other posters - school needs to be taking firm action. I've had something similar with DS (6) & DD (4). Two boys have been chasing them and upsetting them, even after DS had asked them not to. I think it's probably likely to be that these boys are jsut been a bit over boisterous and we talked to the class teachers of both our children (emphasizing this possibility). They have spoken to the boys in question and asked them to apologise to DD and DS for upsetting them, which seemed a pretty reasonable response...

thanks all
yes it is always the same two boys - DD thinks they are the new reception intake (or else that they are yr 2 ) if they are reception they would be younger than DD but possibly just by a month or so as she is a summer birthday
not sure what I think the school should do but I think they should be doing something - I don't know what if anything has been said to the two boys. I think getting them to acknowledge that their behavious isn't acceptable and apologising to DD would be a good start. But what I really think they should be doing is acknowledging our concern and communicating with us on the matter. I will speak to teacher today if I can and ask what the plan is, if get no useful response will get things in writing. I allowed something similar to go last year and regretted it afterwards. I know it probably is just over bositerous behaviour (but EVERY DAY and a trip to First Aid as a result double ) They need to keep an eye on the kids, it is as simple as that really!
DD is getting really clingy in the mornings now and doesn't want to go in - very unlike her

yes, the school should be acknowledging your concerns and telling you exactly what they plan to do. DS's class teacher made a point of talking to us later in the day after we had raised the problem to tell us what had happened and how they were going to keep an eye on it in future.

posted a bit quickly before - was meaning that the boys troubling my DS & DD were probably just being a bit over boisterous - I wasn't trying to minimise the experience of your DD - sorry if it came over that way.

dandi - didn't take it as you trivialising DDs situation. I think it qite possbly is over boisterous behaviour - but the school need to get on top of it

it is always complicated by the fact that DD is a real tomboy and tends to play predominantly with boys but when they turn "tough" she doesn't just "tough it out" back to them (as a lot of boys might) - she has a number of good boy friends (who I have seen leap to her defence on occasion - so lovely to see!) but I do worry that she might be picked on as a weaker target in a group of boys

will talk to teacher this afternoon if I can, am not happy at all with his response so far. Especially as we had a meeting with him, the deputy head and some learning mentors at the start of term to explain that DD could be a little emotionally vulnerable at the moment (she had been showing some worrying signs of stress last term). Just looks to me like she is being left to cope alone

good luck with the teacher this afternoon - hope they respond more positively.

thanks - teacher wasn't there so I have to tackle him tomorrow. Am feeling cross though. DD1 was frightened to go into the toilet at break time today in case they followed her in
The teachers know about the kids as one of them got punched by another boy whose parent I know. The puncher was reprimanded severely but the teacher told his parent that the other kid "was asking for it". The boy who punched is now being left alone by the tormentors. What is this teaching the rest of the kids (including DD)? go through the right channels and continue to be picked on, have a punch up and you'll be left alone...

Its a good idea to keep a written record of these sorts of incidents.
We had similar issues with DD, we asked the school to keep an eye on her and make sure that she was included in a group/game at playtimes(ie away from the troublemaker rather than wandering aimlessly around playground alone, thereby providing tempting target). This did seem to work - eventually (though school had to be asked more than once - basically the teachers couldnt be arsed . Thats why we started writing everything down - made the head teacher sit up and take notice when we eventually spoke to her about it)

Hope you get this sorted out, I know how upsetting it is