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How not to pass on your negative feelings about school to your children?

5 replies

jodie84 · 02/10/2007 13:40

I hated school as a child, and my parents were on the whole negative or disinterested in it. I went intermittently before finally leaving for good at 14 with no qualifications. My DD (aged 5) has just started school, and seems to be doing ok so far and even enjoying it - which I'm pretty impressed by seeing as she never went to nursery before. She can be a bit clingy and tearful when I drop her off and is really pleased to come home, but overall it's going well.

The thing is, I'm feeling quite tense about it. I guess I'm expecting her to hate it and have a bad time, and I'm worried she's going to sense that and then live up to my expectations. This morning she said she had a bit of a tummy ache so I immediately agreed she could have the day off. She's fine of course, and would have been fine at school, but I kind of feel she's only 5 and if she wants a day off with her mum then fair enough. I really don't want her expereince of education to repeat mine though.

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constancereader · 02/10/2007 18:40

mmm - I can sympathise with your worries, but feel a little concerned about your dd missing school if she isn't ill. After all, she does have to go (unless you do home ed). That could send her a mixed message, whereas up to now she seems to have settled well.

But perhaps I just think that because I am a teacher...

Have you thought about going in to help? It might reassure you that primary schools are quite nice places most of the time!

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scattyspice · 02/10/2007 20:28

Remember, yourchild isn't you. I fall into this trap with DS all the time (think he won't like something / find something hard because I did).

He keeps surprising me.

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jodie84 · 02/10/2007 21:40

constancereader - is it that important she goes every day? I mean, they don't really do much work in Reception, and the way I understand it I could have chosen not to send her until January if I'd wanted.

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jennifersofia · 02/10/2007 22:17

Yes, I was thinking it might be helpful to you to spend a bit of time in the school. It would help you to see what she does, and what it is like, and how it is different to your experience. It might help you to feel more positive about it, and supportive to her.

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constancereader · 03/10/2007 13:09

Well, I think you have a point in some ways. It won't harm her education to miss a few days, especially not now. I also see what you mean about her being so little.

But - she has started. What happens now will affect the way your dd relates to school (as you were thinking). Keeping her off when she feels like a day off sends the message that you don't have to go if you don't want to. What if she wants a day off next week, and the week after? Then I think there could be real problems.