Reception at 4?

[lolatry]

Hi everyone,

Hope you all are doing well.

I'm just wondering, I've got a lil boy who turned 4 in July this year, and he is about to start reception in September.

But with the new guidelines in place, due to Corona, I am worried he might not get the full support he needs. He is struggling in certain areas, such as with independence and speech. The school itself has not convinced me enough, or made enough effort, as they expect me to drop him at the gate and just leave him, and I am not doing that, as he has never been to the place before, and is it not familiar with the place nor the teachers. And I feel like they will have a hard time to accept he is different. We had a long carry on with him getting settled into nursery, as well. And I feel like he is not ready for reception and their high expectations.

Is it compulsory to go to reception at the age of 4? I know so many from Nursery, who were 4 and is just starting reception at 5? I feel like this will put my lil boy at a disadvantage of some kind starting there being only 4.

Unfortunately the schools have to follow the government guidelines to prevent the spread of c19, and for our school that means no parents on the school premises. I feel so sorry for the new reception class this year and it must be very scary for all the new starters (in my DS class there were still little ones crying at the school gate in February / March)

School is not compulsory until the term after the child turns 5, but you need to check with your school / local authority to ascertain their rules (for example, my DS birthday is June so technically did not have to go to school until September but if he hadn’t started in the term he turned 5 (so April), he would have lost his place and we would have had to apply “in year” for a school place At the start of year 1 (which wouldn’t have happened because the school was oversubscribed 3-1)

Could your DS do part time until he starts to feel comfortable?

Given that your son is summer born, you could apply for your son to start a year later, ie go to reception when he’s 5. I think it isn’t automatic and the local authority needs to agree but it is possible.

However, fears that the school will have a hard time accepting he’s got additional needs is just your fear. Every school has many, many children that have some problems and require additional support.
I’m sure they’ll have a number of things in place to help children settle in too even if it feels a bit horrible just dropping him off at the gate.

@Crazycatlady83 @JoJoSM2 thank you both for your replies.

I have asked the question regards him maybe being slowly settled into class, such as only doing half days to start with. But I just got a straight no to that, as they feel like it would only prolong the issue with him taking a long time to settle. And I know that it might work for some kids, but mine is different. I just felt really frustrated, that they expect me to just drop him and walk away, it ain't that easy when they've been off for a very long time, and has never been to the place before. In his mind, he would see it as I am just leaving him with a bunch of strangers (which they are). Mentally, for him, I do not think that would be a good idea, as it would definitely increase the anxiety in him, to be left, and then expected to do full long days straight away.

I know that this is not the schools fault, with the new guidelines and whatnot, but I just don't think they have taken kids mental well being into much consideration in some areas with the new guidelines. Probably most schools are doing great. But I just didn't get a good impression by the school itself, when they really haven't made much effort to convince me he'll be fine.

I must sounds like a right dimwit, haha. I just don't want him to be scarred mentally, with being forced into a situation that is avoidable. Even with the uncertainty regards Corona and the 2nd wave, it's not helping. My son was super ill with flu and could not breathe, last year in December. That was literally something else to experience. Never seen such a bad case of flu. He was off nursery for well over 2 weeks as he was very poorly. It's that as well that is making me feel uncomfortable sending him back, knowing that the flu season and colder months lay ahead.

Hi OP you might find some useful support and help on the facebook group Flexible School Admissions for Summer Borns.

You do realise every other 4 year old is in the same position! Majority will have had months off and then in September starting at a brand new school. Schools know what they are doing and are more than capable of supporting the new reception starters as they do every year. Schools don't have the time to convince parents that their kids will be fine as it's kind of a given and also they are super busy getting everything sorted, planned and ready for September

You seem to think the school aren’t making an effort for you and are making it awkward about you having to leave him at the gates, but in reality that is what they have to do, they can’t have parents coming in, that’s how it has to be, their hands are tied.

As a teacher I find it quite sad and a bit annoyed that you feel that they won’t understand him or that they’ll have “a hard time accepting him”. We come across all sorts of different children with differing needs and as a teacher I would go out of my way to get to know each child individually and work out what help/support they need. If you feel so strongly that they aren’t going to understand him, why have you accepted the place?

I believe you can defer until Easter and the school has to agree and keep his place. But he will miss out on the phonics etc taught in those two terms. However researched properly, a lot of parents can cover this- they need it to help with reading anyway.

When my DD was four we moved a few thousand miles. 4 days later she started school, in a new country, with no one she knew. Missed the introduction period (most if her class hd been there since they were 3 anyway). It was fine. Did the same with DD2, but we were in the new country before term started, so she got three half days. Had to drop her at the gate in Day 1, since no parents allowed on school grounds. Day 2 she caught the bus like everyone else. Again it was fine. I'm not saying it works for every child, but lots of schools do this in normal times without major issues. It works better for some children, as it's calmer without 30 parents plus siblings in the room or around the door. (That was the bit DD1 hated at first at her first school, the adults creating a scrum. They switched to a playground drop off point and noticed a lot of children were happier.

Make the decision best for your child, and don't feel pressured into sending him if you don't have to or want to.

You can defer his place until later in the school year. He doesn’t have to start until Y1 September 2021 legally. Or you can ask to defer him completely and start reception until September 2021 and reapply in the next admissions round (speak to the local authority but it doesn’t guarantee a place at the same school).

@LadyPenelope68 I understand that. I accepted the place as the nursery he was at "knew the teachers" at this school and convinced me enough, at the time, that he would be fine. But after being in touch with them back and forth just recently, I do have concerns. I didn't receive any kind of correspondence from them until very late, as I trusted things would be handled smoothly. Things could of been handled differently. And I appreciate that they are busy in these times, but I expected some kind of correspondence other than a letter to say, this is your start date and this is how it's gone be. There was no individual hello, or booklet to say this will be your teachers nor some sort of welcome pack. So I had to get in touch with them to run things through on the feedback they've been given from the nursery. There's a lot more to the story.

But I am sure that you as a teacher, is doing everything you can do make sure the kids are doing well, and that itself is amazing, and I admire that. I just wish there was more support in some kind of way for the parents that may have concerns. And I understand everyone is in the same boat (@amy85). I'm not saying this like I'm wanting to receive some kind of special treatment. I'm trying to figure out what would be the best option for me and my son.

@brightbluegentian thank you for that. Really appreciate it.

He is not compulsory school age until the term after he turns 5. In this case he isn’t compulsory until year 1, some children will be compulsory earlier.
I have had many years experience in EYFS and I strongly suggest starting full time right from the start. In my experience children who start later find it hard to fit in with other children who have already made friendship groups. They also find it hard to get used to the routines that the other children have slotted happily into (like going for lunch, play times, classroom routines).

The choice is yours and you know your child best but my advice is to grasp the nettle and send him full time right from day one.

@lolatry it may not be that they haven’t communicated more with you, but that at the minute they are unable to, as the guidelines are changing so often (think we’re currently on issue 46 of the guidance we’ve received from the Government). We find it extremely frustrating that we can’t communicate more with parents, but at the minute we can’t as we don’t know what’s going to happen between end of term and September. At the school I’m at, we haven’t sent welcome packs due to the fact we’ve been advised not to by our LA due to the rush of transferring infection etc, etc. None of it is normal for us and certainly not how we want to work, your school just nah be in the same position.

This is not a normal year. All the induction sessions, welcome packs etc have gone out the window as schools only got the full guidance about September shortly before the end of term and have been frantically putting plans in place to keep everyone as safe as they can. You can do a lot to make your son ok at school, by being positive and telling him it's going to be ok. You sound like hard work. You will not be allowed to escort him into school so don't try. That's all they need. I think you should start now with the process to defer his entry to Reception until 2021.

I do feel from reading your posts OP that it's your anxieties over how your son would be that's worrying you.
All those who are due to start school in September are in the exact same boat and your son will not be the only one with needs.
As PP have said there is no safe way you can take your son into school, this protects other children, your son, teachers and other parents. This is just how it is and stomping your feet saying it's not fair will make no difference.
I'd be wary of deferring a year as then he will be a year behind where he should be ime.
Unfortunately this is how it is at the moment. They won't spend the whole day doing lessons to start with and if there are any issues they will be in touch with you.
Teachers don't even know what's happening yet, for example my friend is a primary teacher and doesn't even know who she will have as a class yet as it depends on guidelines around class sizes. I'd be more annoyed as a parent if I'd spent the last few weeks saying Ms X is your teacher and get to the week before they start and have a letter saying it has changed to ms Y. This would also be so much worse for your DS.
Thousands of children are in the same position so you need to put your own anxieties aside and make this into an exciting experience for him.

@ThrawnCow I fully understand that. You don't know the full story, so for you to say that I am hard work, I take it as a compliment. It's hard work, to make sure that you will receive the full support for your child who is in need of it, great, I'll make sure I don't next time. 
@elephantfeels absolutely. I see what you mean. We do talk about it a lot, and I have never made it into a bad experience. As I know, staying positive about it, will only help him. But he's got different kind of needs. I didn't even know that the welcome packs where delayed or out of the window as I been told different, same in regards to what is going to happen.

If the special needs are documented, surely the nursery will have been in touch with the school regarding transition?

Starting school is always an anxious time for families as it’s all new and unknown. It’s really important that you keep all your anxieties away from your child. As others have said, be positive and excited and talk to him about school. There are lots of books you can share about starting school. The staff will be very experienced with all types of needs as well as having many strategies for settling children into school. Try not to worry too much.

OP I'm a year 1 teacher and I totally understand your anxiety around starting school this year. It's perfectly normal to feel like this on a 'normal' year...but this year, in the current situation that we find ourselves in, you must feel very overwhelmed indeed.

Please do try to relax a little though (yes, I know that's easy for me to say, and very much harder to do for parents of new children to do...I get that 💓)

Reception teachers are simply amazing at their jobs...they have been working very, very hard to get their classrooms ready and will look after your little boy for you. We have ALL done a lot of work on what we call the 'Recovery Curriculum' which is all about the wellbeing of our children, to ensure that, over and above ANYTHING ELSE, we make sure they feel safe and secure emotionally and mentally. Be assured that your DS will be safe, understood, loved and well taken care of, as well as educated when he is at school. Teachers and school staff are masters at this...they have this down OP, try not to worry 💐

The reason you have not had as much information this year, as you might have had in more usual circumstances, is because we simply have not been able to give it 🤷‍♀️ As a PP has stated, we are currently on number 46 of the government changes in 'guidance' in what schools have had to do with regards to COVID (and these have been big changes!!). We are waiting now to hear about the September guidance (changes!!) which will come out on 11th August, so until then we are really not entirely sure what will happen 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Hugs for you xx

Take a deep breath OP, they will be fine. Promise.

My youngest is end of July and thrived on school. Was so in need of it.

Does your child have SEND? If so,btalk to school. But I promise, all will be well.

I know in your child your mind is different but they will potentially have thirty+ parents saying the same thing. Have faith in the school. They are well used to summer born struggling more with their independence of speech. A year at this stage makes a huge difference.

This is definitely an issue with the new starters. I'm also worried about my DD going into year one and me having to leave her at the gate. Luckily she's had six months of school. But then to have six off nearly makes it hard again.

It's your choice. If you feel he's going to find it tough then he will be fine waiting until five.

I'll just add too. My DD needed support with things. She is fine but just wasn't quite as ready as some children. That particular ta still hugs the kids if they need it. She's an absolute wonderful person. She took such good care of my DD too when she started. So hopefully your son would get the same support despite this situation x

Try to defer as this year is very likely to be disrupted so missing bits of education
No singing
So no nativity
The teachers have to try to stay 2m away which is going to be hard with the youngest.

Otoh my csa starter teachers are saying groups of 15 incl parents to go in at the start which doesnt feel like following the guidelines nor very safe but i can somewhat understand as these kids havent even been in the school let alone left for several hours with new people.
Some kids which seem clingy get over it quickly and others who had been fine at preschool resist goinginto school

@Keepdistance teachers in Early Years won't have to stay 2m away from the children in September and there won't be any requirement to 'social distance' inside each individual classroom bubble. We have removed all of the tape off the classroom floors now. There is still distancing between adults in school...so I can't sit next to colleagues in the staff room for example, or use toilet facilities at the same time and so on. Those guidelines are still in place. But each class is its own 'bubble' so we are effectively 'normal' inside our rooms. The children won't feel strange once they are in with their teacher 💓

You can keep him at nursery for another year if they have a vacancy and if you feel they could meet his needs better. After that, he could go into Year 1 at school - or if you have got agreement for him to do so, start Reception aged 5.

If you decide not to send him now, it might be wise to defer his start so as not to risk losing his place. Given his birthday, the latest he can start without potentially losing the place is the start of the summer term.

School is not compulsory at all. Education is compulsory from the term after the child's fifth birthday, but you can home educate if you still feel your son is not ready for school after he's five.

Schools are doing their best in this difficult time. But that doesn't mean school is definitely the right place for your son this year. Many kids will be in the same boat. Many will cope fine. Some will not. You know your little boy best and you're in a good position to figure out what he needs right now.

Yes lovely little bubbles of 30-60+.
Oh i thought all teachers were being encouraged to SD especially as some people are crossing bubbles and the kids are having before/after clubs
There will definitely be school closures though so best to wait and get a full reception year. As a minimum kids will be off for days any time a family member has a temp/cough etc.