Oh no, what have we done? I don't like the DC's new (private) school....

[abitworried]

We had some concerns about DS1 being challenged enough at his old infant school, and also the limited range of opportunities available for after school clubs etc, so when he was due to move in Year 3 we switched him to an independent prep.
We didn't take the decision lightly - we went to see lots of schools, talked to lots of parents, and also visited the state school he would have gone to otherwise.
After lots of discussion, and consideration of costs etc we decided that the prep school would suit him more.

We also started DS2 in reception at the same time, for the sake of simplicity etc rather than sending him to the state infant DS1 went to.

The new school has an excellent reputation, a strong, if old-fashioned, Headteacher, and the kids are happy and achieve excellent results.

However so far I keep finding things I intensely dislike about it when I compare it to our 'old' infant school :

• it's rather more formal, and a bit 'stiff'
• parents are not encouraged to become part of the school, or get involved very much
• communication between parents/ teachers seems less frequent
• all the admin is so old-fashioned and not very well organised

When I'm talking to the new mums and they ask where DS1 was before I find myself raving about fantastic his old school was, and now I keep thinking why did we decide to leave it (for DS2), and wouldn't the Junior school have been the same?

I keep worrying we have made a big mistake .

DH says not to worry, and wait and see, but I feel like I want to go in to see the head and tell her that my first impressions are disappointing...

Good idea to go and see the head. Some of the things that you mention eg communication can be improved upon - maybe a role on the PTA would help with this.
FWIW, we moved ds1 twice in the first 3 years, once a job move, once because we were not happy with the school. This is not ideal of course, but he is happy and settled now in the right school. go with your instincts

I'd be inclined to give it a week or two before going in and talking to her. Are you considering taking them out and outting them back into the old school?

putting

No - I don't think going back to the old school would even be an option, as there are no places. Also I'd have to be convinced that this school was 'wrong' per se, rather than just a few niggles I'm having IYSWIM.

Thing is, the DCs are fine, happy, have settled well and have made friends etc, so I think the problem is with the things which impact me, like the parent/ staff communication.

I'm a bit of a control freak if I'm honest, and I like things well-organised and timely.
Everything seems a bit disorganised - bits of paper flying about in the book bags (no e-mail sadly, unlike the last school); clubs being offered, then oversubscribed and scled back, or cancelled; notes going out without dates on; contradictory information going out; lists of dates/ events which are unclear for new parents; vague, unconfirmed requests via the children e.g. "I need a recorder" - when, what sort?

I feel like I'm not coping with the change of school well at all!

Do you have a form rep who could discuss and air some of your concerns ? Our kids started at their private school at similar ages and so much was assumed we would know already as we had an older child rather than remembering we were new to the school. It took a term or two to get to grips with it all , was bewildering to begin with and staff felt fairly intimidating and unapproachable. As time has gone it has become much less "stiff" and familiar.

I think you have to remember that Year 3 is often a watershed age as far as routines and direct communication go so what you may have been used to may not have continued to apply even had your ds1 stayed put and moved on to the Juniors. You may find there are opportunities later in the term to meet your dc's teachers and drop in less formally to view work etc which you may not yet be aware of. Also find out about your PTA and get involved in the Christmas fundraiser if you can , it will endear you to people more established and get you up to speed with gossip and ways of the school.

Since your children have settled and seem happy I would be inclined to leave it for now. What you have said does seem to be issues more for you, than them, and I wouldn't worry too much. Maybe suggest ways to get things a bit more informative and ask the teachers if you can get involved more. From what I have seen, state schools want the parental involvement as they need fund raising done, etc. Maybe a private school just doesn't need that and that is why you are kept at arms length a bit. Hang in there. Sounds like the children are fine.

more familiar.

To give you an example , we spoke to our rep about the lack of general information for new parents. This year (almost 2 years on ! ) a handbook has been issued to every family full of pages such as contact details, where/when details of extra curricular activities can be found, timings, scheduling of parent/teacher meetings, how to communictae with the teachers, formally and informally, opportunites to view work, policies and so on.

Yes - there IS a form rep, but bizarrely the one for Year 3 is actually new to the school, and also a bit disorganised herself, so she's not much use at the moment!

You're probably right. I was very involved at the old school, used to go in and help, was a class rep, was on the PTA etc etc. I guess I just need to roll up my sleeves and get stuck in!

I'm not very good at constructive feedback though, and tend to be a bit blunt, so I don't want to come across as the new 'knowitall' ! Any tips/ advice for changing things gradually/ influencing things?

You may find there is more impetus for change with the Reception rep than ones further up anyway. Is he/she more established or new too ?

No - reception rep is an existing mum with an older child in the school, but so far she hasn't seemed very approachable!

It takes a while but she may be a useful source of help.

That is true , ours has a policy of gradually expecting more fo the children in terms of communicating messages , homework, changes ot timetable and kit, sports matches and so on, with fewer prompts from the teacher each year which starts at Year 3. We still have a diary for specific messages though and for ds to write down his homework, extra curricular stuff etc (Year5) and a weekly newsletter for more general school information.