Year 4 DS school report - feeling emotional

[Ginblooded]

I have just received my 9yr old DS school report and I'm feeling quite emotional.

(For the record he was assessed when he was 7 and it showed severe dyslexic traits)

It states that he is hard working, polite and enthusiastic towards his work. He needs quite a bit of support from a TA in lessons and they're trying to get him to work more independently.
He is only hitting 'working towards' in pretty much everything, apart from art and music.

It breaks my heart that he tries so hard and always seems so far behind everyone. He told me before lockdown that he has to stay in at break time to catch up on his work because he is too slow :( I know this upsets him.

Annoyingly, I feel he is good at history and he has a real interest in it- he can talk to me about the different kings and queens and battles that have happened and relays whatever he has learnt about it at school, but is still 'working towards'. I don't know if his dyslexia has a part to play as obviously he can't collect his thoughts on paper effectively.

I am so pleased and proud that he is working hard and his behaviour is good (although this hasn't translated to home schooling! 😂) but it is upsetting that he may well have this struggle for 7+ years yet.

I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve from this post really, but it has been cathartic.

"Hard working, polite and enthusiastic" - he really sounds like a great boy to be proud of and you're doing fantastically well.

As bizarre as this may sound, he may come into his own at secondary school. The History teacher will love his enthusiasm, the English teacher will focus less on his handwriting and spelling and more on his ability to analyse the textual concepts. The support staff might have more ideas of how to support him. I would concentrate on looking for an appropriate secondary school now. You may still have time to move into catchment/ apply for EHCP etc. Look at the different adaptations available and consider which ones might help him. You need to take a long view. If you think that a laptop will help, get him to touch type, there are programs designed for people with dyslexia. If you think that dictating it to a scribe would help, get him used to dictating to you. I was able to discuss appropriate adaptations before transition and they were all in place from day 1. Secondary has been much better than primary in that respect. Don't give up on primary, they may also be willing to put interventions in place but it is good to take the long view.

Sending you an enormous virtual hug. My middle DD was tested in year 4 and is dyslexic and dysgraphic. I have shed tears of worry and of sadness at seeing her struggle. But now she is year 7 and is absolutely flying. Teachers have her in top set for maths, she is an ace at computing and loves art. I honestly feel of all my children she will cope with 'real' life best as she has had to face up to her struggles and find a (mostly) positive outlook on life. Secondary is so wonderful dyslexics after the difficult SPAG they concentrate on at primary and he will love all the different subjects and having a specialist history teacher. He sounds like a wonderful boy you have done a great job. X

@TW2013 thank you! I'm sincerely hoping that is the case with secondary school - I think if he doesn't get disillusioned with school he will fly!

I'll definitely look into the secondary schools nearby, the closest one is also a sports college, and he likes sports so I'm hoping it's a good fit

I echo pp, facing struggles can make children fly! My brother is severely dyslexic and absolutely struggled in primary. Secondary was much better, but his work ethics started to really pay off. He's since finished his business degree and earns an eye watering amount of money as a management consultant!

This is why I hate too much emphasis on academic targets. It sounds like your son has a ton of fabulous qualities and strengths. They maybe just don’t align with the academic stuff that schools have to measure.

Is he generally happy? If so I’d focus on that and try to do everything you can to make sure he focuses on the things he is good at.

Some of the adults I know who are happiest aren’t the ones who did the best academically. It’s really not everything.

Out of interest how do you and he feel
About him having to stay in at break? I wouldn’t be happy with him missing out on the social and play time personally. Seems unfair:

@IntheNameof

I echo pp, facing struggles can make children fly! My brother is severely dyslexic and absolutely struggled in primary. Secondary was much better, but his work ethics started to really pay off. He's since finished his business degree and earns an eye watering amount of money as a management consultant!

Yes....literally all the people I know who earn the most weren’t the typical academic kids. They do however all share similar qualities in terms of having lots of confidence and being very social and enthusiastic.

How nice to get a good report. I have worked with some high achievers who were dyslexic. Find him a few role models with dyslexia perhaps.

I also don't believe a child assessed as dyslexic should miss break. Have you challenged that? Why are they doing that?

Please don't worry and take the positives out of the report. I have a ds whos dyslexic, asd and has medical problems. He had school reports like that the whole way through to the point I didn't show him as I didn't want him to get disheartened. Secondary school was a turning point for him. He should have taken his gcses this summer he was originally predicted to fail everything (1/2s) he's now predicted 5+ in everything. He's even started talking about going to university in two years (which made me cry I can't believe how far he's come). It's taken a lot of effort on his part/the school and mine but he definitely will deserve these gcses.
When he started year 10 they actually told him stop focusing on your spelling and grammar and focus on the areas that you can improve on this was a turning point for him. Also because he'd been able to choose subjects he liked he didn't feel turned off from the start (except English!) A senco told me don't read the reading scheme books if they're putting him off provide books that will interest him this really did help him gain confidence in reading.
Your son will get there in his own time, he'll have to work harder than most but he'll deserve it. You may have many tears and stresses (you and him) along the way but fight for every bit of support you can.

@flourandeggs thank you for your lovely words! I'm so glad to hear your DD is doing so well, it's experiences like this I need to hear 😊 I definitely coasted through secondary school and it was a real shocker when I actually had to work in college/uni so I'm a sense glad he's learning hard work now!

As bizarre as this may sound, he may come into his own at secondary school. The History teacher will love his enthusiasm, the English teacher will focus less on his handwriting and spelling and more on his ability to analyse the textual concepts.
Its not bizarre, this exactly what happened to DS 24. Although at 9 he was just below average in english writing. Years 6 sats were 2 levels difference between written english and comprehension. He had a lot of extra help in writing in primary. But they dont really measure analytical skills in primary.
He thrived in top sets in Secondary. His english teacher said dont worry, he was in the right set because of his comprehension skills . Rest of school was up and down , he got a handful of As at GCSe, had to retake A levels bit ended up with ABB in maths and physics. Dropped out uni but now has an excellent job where his skills are valued.

Thank you everyone for your lovely words, experiences and advice. I think that if I can get him through school with his self-esteem in tact, he will do amazing in life. He already does cubs which has been great for developing his confidence and has always been a social butterfly.

To those asking about missing his break time, no I'm not happy about it either but it was only divulged to me just before lockdown. I think it singles him out and impacts his confidence. I will definitely be challenging it when he goes back in September. He already calls himself stupid, I cannot believe that it is beneficial enough to be worth it.

@AIMD I agree, I hate all the academic targets and pressure. I would say he is generally a happy child, but I can't say he gets particularly excited about school. He's been quite happy staying at home during lockdown

What a wonderful son you have raised he sounds a real blessing to his school and you this gives me hope as the mum of the 7year old who is so far behind his peers the school have just let him drift I was shocked by how much

The rest of primary will be hard due to the national curriculum emphasis on SPAG and year 6 beating every last ounce of enjoyment out of school for kids like yours and mine who are dyslexic. But find the right secondary for him and he will shine. Ensure you keep his confidence in his abilities high as he won't always get that message from school. And no kid in his situation should be made to stay in to complete work. Yr 5 teacher did this with my DS. Emphasis on quantity rather than quality of work. Took us months to rebuild his confidence. Emphasis the mental and social mpact this has on a dyslexic child. My DS ended up going to a selective secondary, primary teachers were amazed he passed so little did they understand about dyslexic attributes. All because the primary school national curriculum isnt suited to the ways that dyslexics best learn.

@Ginblooded There is a lovely book I got for my DD when she was diagnosed, Dyslexia is my Superpower (Most of the Time) by Margaret Rooke. It is aimed at older primary / young teens and is full of pictures and accounts by dyslexic children all over the world. I think it helped both of us understand it more. X

I have a very similar situation , waiting for my child’s report also in year 4, recently diagnosed dyslexia and probable dyspraxia with sensory processing difficulties too.
We are always told working towards, yet she is very high IQ. So I empathise with you and your son. It is very reassuring to hear of others coming into their own in Secondary.
She was also held in at playtime for not doing enough work before diagnosis and if it happened again I would not let it lie as it has affected her enjoyment of school a huge amount and she has anxiety about school.

He sounds a lovely boy and he's doing his best. You can't ask for more. Feel proud of the lovely chap he is :-)

I'm dyslexic and so is sibling. Primary school was a nightmare, it got better.
Sibling had a scribe in exams, I had extra time.
We both have several degrees and have done fine at work.
Hold on in there OP and try and find something that he excels in somewhere for him to hold onto when things are hard.

OP, I think you’ve had spot on and great advice and support here. Your boy sounds just lovely.

I just wanted to ask whether you’re sure the report card was for the full year? Our report cards only went up to schools closing on 20 March and they automatically dropped everyone down a category from where they would have been at year end if they had continued on that trajectory.

(They also forgot to explain this to parents, which is why I’m wondering if your school did the same.)

I completely empathise with you! I have two children with dyslexia - one at primary and one at secondary. I always feel very tearful reading my son's reports in particular. He has severe dyslexia and dyscalculia, but is so smart, hardworking and talented in many areas (art, drama, music) but being reduced to a series of low grades and terms like 'emerging' or whatever the latest phrasing is, is incredibly emotional. Remember especially at primary that the data is very crude and measures a very narrow range of skills. His curiosity, work ethic, critical thinking, creativity will take him much further in the long run. I whole heartedly agree that secondary will open so many more possibilities. And college and university will allow him even more opportunities to shine. Just keep him positive and confident through the hard years of primary. He sounds fabulous!

One more thing - get the school to knock on the head keeping him in over break to finish work! You may have to get uppity but do it!!!! x

You should be feeling immensely proud that he is “ hard working, polite and enthusiastic “
Fantastic disposition.... I look around and see so many rude , lazy articles in my workplace ... ( I’m sure others on here can concur )
Our schools are focused on literacy assessments which obviously has challenges for some such as your son .
He’ll come into his own in time OP
.
Have a hug for doing so well by your son xx

I see @ilovesushi has articulated this so much better than me .
Best wishes to you both

DS has struggled massively through secondary school.

His report stated (as usual) he’s lazy lacks focus, Poor handwriting, needs to retain more information -

You can’t make it up and they read these as there’s no envelopes

Shocking the teachers has so little awareness

My 26 yr old super-dyspraxic says he still has to work twice as hard as everyone else to get where he is ... (and that's a PhD) ... your son sounds absolutely lovely. I would get as much support as you can with the dyslexia and bolster him in every way ... talk up the music and art ... find ways for him to excel and feel good about himself. Everyone has a struggle somewhere. xxx