Advice Please!!!! DS does not want to go to school (reception)

[Natasha1]

Please can I have some advice whether this is a normal reaction to starting reception.

DS started reception fri 7 sept full day & then went in following monday full day.
He came home from school monday night not very well & had the rest of the week off as he had tonsillitis & then an allergic reaction to pencillion.
Went back to school this monday & was ok, bit sad on tuesday & really upset for the rest of the week, crying as soon as he sees his uniform begging me to keep him at home. His teacher says that as soon as I am gone his is fine, sometimes later in the day will ask when is hometime but seems ok about being there.

I have tried to speak to him about it but all he will say is that he does not like the dining room, but likes his teacher and the other children.

Now all of this I could deal with, however, Thurs & Fri I was called into class after school to be told that he is not being very nice to some of the other children & has lashed out at some of them for no reason, straching faces, hitting etc, now although he is no angel (just a typical boy) he by no means is an unkind child & I have never had this problem with him before at nursery.

Please, please can I have some advise, when/will he settle?, when/will the hitting stop & how do I mention going to school on monday/manage to get him to put his uniform on without a complete scene. I am so upset, right now I just can't see an end to all of this & just want to take him back to his nursery which he loved!!!

Oh Natasha! how hard for you!

I think that he does just need to settle in. Tell the teacher he is scared of the dining room, and she should make an effort to ensure he is sat near someone nice and friendly.

If you definatly want him to go to reception, then be completely matter of fact about it. It's The Rules. he has to go to school, and that's that. You understand fully that he doesn't want to, but it's the rules, and you will see him at home time, bye bye darling, have fun!

he is upset and feeling unsettled, after just starting school, then having a week off and being back with mummy.

school not really optional, he is enrolled, and he has to go.

find out why he doesn't like the dining room: does he have a hot lunch or packed lunch? maybe the dinner lady didn;t help him enough?

don;t let him see that you are distressed, he will feed off that and monday morning will be hysterical.

why not get him to help get his uniform ready, and talk about school, maybe tell him some of the fun things you did at school, and get him to talk about what things they might do..

This is very common - especially the dining room problem. My dd2 hated the dining room 'because it smelled funny' apparently the smell made her feel sick.
It's really noisy and unsettling for new pupils.
Two things I would do -

I would have a chat about the lashing out and try to get to the bottom of why he did it - he may have been upset by something the other children said and there may have been just cause IYSWIM.

Introduce a reward scheme for good behaviour at school and no tantrums while getting ready in the morning with a special treat on a Friday if he's been good all week.

Be sure that he is actually lashing out in temper or nastiness etc.

I was called in to DS's nursery to be told that he was being aggressive and throwing objects at other children. Up to that point I had been quite nervous and anxious to please his teacher because I really wanted things to go smoothly for him and for him to fit in as he not settled at a previous nursery (no aggression, just did nt like being there). I know my DS and I know he is a completely unaggressive little boy, just has not got it in him. So I reacted quite strongly to this suggestion and refuted that it could be possible. On closer questioning of both my DS and the teacher it appeared he had been building a tower of cushions, which had fallen over. This was turned in to aggressive throwing. I know they have alot of kids to be responsible for but maybe things are not always as they seem.

I second what amethyst said. When ds started pre-school aged 2.5, I was told after the 3rd session that he had hit one of the girls across the face. Now again, whilst ds is a typical boy, he is very non-agressive. I asked him to show me what he had done. He pulled his arms out of his jumper sleeves and twirled around. One of the empty flying sleeves had made contact with the girls face. I see what he did was wrong, but in no way did he agressively 'hit a girl across the face'.

I think he is just very unsettled due to going to school / being home ill / going back to school.
Just be very matter of fact about it. Don't turn it into a big deal and hopefully soon he will be matter of fact about it too. And yes - find out what it is about the dining room so you can tackle that one.