Dd bullied at school because of eczema - lend me your virtual shoulders to sob on!

[Roseylea]

DD is 5 and just gone into Yr 1, in a mixed yr 1 and 2 class. She suffers from severe eczema and atm her face is pretty bad. She came home today saying that the others had been laughing at her and saying that they didn't like her because "your skin is nasty" and that no-one would play with her.

She is a bit upset but pretty matter-of-fact and (I hope) secure in the knowledge that we all love her to bits. So we had a chat about how silly it is not to like someone because they look different, and I told dd that some very silly people don't like other peopole because of the colour of their skin, and dd agreed that's very silly, because we're all the same whatever our skin looks like. All very rational, but inside I was heartbroken for my darling dd.

Dd is a fantastic child (okay, I'm biased! ) She's fun-loving and has a great sense of humour and is deeply caring about other people. It makes me feel so deeply sad to think that other kids are trampling all over her sense of self.

But how do I tackle this, really? Do you think I should say something to the teacher on Monday? Bullying is such a hard one, I know; I work in a secondary school and am often left to pick up the pieces of kids who are, for whatever reason, a bit different...grrr...makes me so angry that playgrounds are such hostile places sometimes.

Just needed to rant really. If anyone has any advice or whatever that'd be lovely, but if not...at least MN gives a place to vent all this without dd overhearing! (She can't read yet!)

Your poor dd and poor you. I had pretty bad eczema as a child (I was hospitalised at one point when it got infected) and I still remember the awful comments, including from one idiot dinner lady who asked me what I was doing in school with a contagious skin condition! Grrr.

I do think a word with the teachers might help. If only so the kids can be educated about what eczema is.

Have to dash off, but will check this thread again later.

Thank you Pidge!

DD had a bit of a rough time around Easter when she had a really bad eczema flare-up on her inner elbows/arms (shes only had this once or twice).

Anyway, she said other children were saying "ugh" and teasing her, moving away scared they'd catch it etc.

I had a chat similar to the one you had with your DD and then I opted to have a quiet word with the teacher who was brilliant. She had a general chat with the class about how everyone is different in some way or another (freckles, spots, hair/eye colour etc) but it doesn't change them as a person, no one should be teased or disliked because of one of these "differences" and how boring the world would be if we were all identical etc.

It really seemed to have worked as DD didn't have any problems after that (and thankfully shes not had any flare-ups since then)

Your poor dd i also had it as a kid and still suffer now (not as bad as it was), maybe talk to the teacher, maybe it could be brought up as a topic in the class room so the other kids understand why your dd has soar skin.

Thanks for those replies. Yes, I am going to have a look on the National eczema Soc's website as I think they might have some stuff about eczema in schools.

Roseylea - popping back in again! The whole playground thing is traumatic isn't it? My dd has also just gone into Y1 and I think the playground is her biggest challenge. Sometimes it seems like kids will just pick on whatever difference they can find to exert their power over others. And some of it is an inevitable part of them learning social skills. But there is a point at which their inappropriate behaviour has to be pointed out.

I still remember as a teenager a friend of a friend of mine told me that she didn't like to talk to me when I was younger because she was scared of me because of the way my skin was. And that's really sad - because she needed educating, and reassuring that there was nothing to be afraid of. And then when kids get to know your little girl well, they won't even see her eczema because they'll just see her, if you know what I mean.

I think the teacher needs to talk with the class and let your dd explain (if she can) what it is like to have ecxema and how it is not contagious and how she feels sad when people tease her about it.

Yes, Pidge...when I picked dd up this afternoon I saw her trailing out of the calssroom, hair all dishevelled, red eyes (from the eczema), mouth and neck surrounded by eczema, and I did think to myself "She's a funny-looking little thing, isn't she?" Of course she's beautiful to us, but I can see how to other kids she is the odd one out, te "different" one.

I'm sure you're right about it being to do with establishing a pecking order - the girls who were saying the hurtful things are very princessy types. Dd said, very sensibly earlier "I think I'll just ignore them, Mummy." I just hope that she does make real friends at school - so far her class seems dominated by the princessy type girls and dd is not like that anyway - she loves football and vigorous outdoor games, and generally(ezcema aside) doesn't exactly fit the mould. Oh the angst of having children!

That's it in a nutshell, Hathor.

O bless her ! My dc suffer with it too. Oldest is 5 and has luckily grown out of it. Second dd is 3 and half and hers is terrible. She's just started nursery, and so far it all seems ok, but I'm sure someone will say something about it at some point, and I'm dreading it! I see grown ups stop and stare at her, mostly in sympathy, when her face is really bad. Its so sad, but I think us mums worry about it more than the kids too most of the time, and being picked on is unfortunately part of life. I would speak to teachers so, because the childrens behaviour towards her is not nice or acceptable, and they need to learn to be more understanding of others. I would speak to teachers if and when mine is picked on, I really would. Good luck to her - and let me know if you every discover a miracle cure! Went on some eczema sites the other day but the amount of info was mind boggling and I didn't have a clue where to start!

It's always the nicest children who get picked on! I think it's time for her class teacher to give them some Circle Time on being kind. At this age it can be very effective.

I had some success with Omega 3 as far as softening skin (both mine have/had excema and asthma). Until they refused the tablets. I still secrete it into strong-flavoured foods if I think I can get away with it. My son's skin and asthma have been better than my daughter's because he likes salmon, which is very good for both conditions.

Chankins I have always ahd people staring at dd, and offering me advice, and the number of people who've said "Oh poor thing, has she got chicken pox?" Dd has had eczema since birth and it is always active somewhere on her body; her skin is like sandpaper. We slather on loads of cream (whichever one the consultant is prescribing at that time!) but it doesn't cure, it only manages the symptoms.

It is hard, and I guess I feel that for me as a parent part of my job is to give dd the skills to cope; physically as I'm teaching her how to apply her cream, and emotionally as she copes with all people's attitudes and her own frustration and discomfort. Believe me atm the physical skills seem much easier to learn!

I do hope that your younger dd grows out of it soon. Just one thing - if she goes to a state school and still is pretty bad eczema-wise when she goes full-time, you may need to really negotiate to get her looked after re. creaming etc in school. I have had to fight a real battle on dd's behalf, and thankfully we are more or less there (she now gets supervised to apply her cream, has a health care plan etc) but it's taken a long time to get that settled! So if you need any advice on the legal ins and outs of it, do contact me when your dd starts full time school.

Hmm Eliza...that sounds interesting. Has the omega 3 made much of a difference or just helped a bit?

not read it all as my pc crashed earlier - do try the national eczema society i found they had a leaflet for schools managing eczema which was really helpful, i downloaded it for my daughters nursery teacher. it is really tough - my dd hasn't been bullied at school as everybody there knows her and has done for years and years but she and i have suffered terrible abuse from people in public either comments directed at her or me or things they say we overhear. she looked like i'd poured boiling oil over her until she was about 5 or 6! i was akse to leave a cafe once in case customers caught her disease! so do try with the teachers, i think ours worked hard from the very early stages.
good luk with it all

I used to suffer severe ecxema too. Mine started in secondary school and I think was stress triggerd. I had it all over my forehead neck and arms. My eyelids used to swell. It was awful. In my experience moisturisers such as e45 and sanex didn't help at all. Infact they aggrivated it more and it would become really red and inflamed, it was almost as if moisture fead it. In the end it got very severe when I was on holiday in sweden. I had suffered from it for about a year and a half. It was pussy (i really don't know how to spell that, you know what I mean) and dry it sometimes bled. A doctor out there gave me some cortisone cream, it went after about 3 days and has never returned since. What creams have you tried?

Poor dd, she is being v. sensible, bless her.

Do talk to the teacher and try to get him/her to do something about it. Dh still remembers kids saying they didn't want to play with him because of his hands (v. bad eczema).

Like a lot of posters I too had a few names called etc as a young Child because of my eczema but as I got older and the others understood it was not catching they were actually quite sympathetic towards me. I think it made me stronger as a person that I went through a (little) amount of teasing. Knowing I was different helped me to empathise with others and I had loads of friends - not in the "popular" gang of "princesses" but just nice average Children who had fun together rather than enjoying Bitching about everyone else.

Bullying in an older age group is different as it is through predjudice rather than ignorance. At 5 the problem is the lack of understanding and the teacher should be able to help with this.

Hope this helps reassure you, your DD sounds very sensible and understanding, I hope her friends are too and she can get past this stage. Please post to update us as my own DD who is 1 has inherited my genes and will no doubt have to endure the same - I would appreciate the input for future ref!

Hi Roseylea I really feel for you and your DD. I had it badly as a child and still get it in times of stress as an adult and have known people avoid putting change into my hands because of it etc. I find that lots of creaming helps and for the mouth area having a lipsalve helps to avoid the cracking mouth areas. Also cotton gloves as soon as it gets cold outside. Tights in the winter need to be as cotton rich as poss. I expect you know all this but I hope it helps.
S

You can download really excellent packs for teachers from the Eczema Society. You can order them free as well.

www.eczema.org/ Go to the Eczema in Schools section.

DS2's teacher used one with his class, I got one for her because she had no idea they existed. She thought it was a great idea.

Thanks for that! Just popping in quickly...I will have a good look at the Nat Eczem,a Soc stuff in the morning.

Oh Rosey sosorry about dd. Definitely think the school need to be a bit more pro-active in explaining excema to dd's classmates. The best anti-bullying website is that of Kidscape - they also have a helpline and give lots of advice on how to give the school a kick up the buddy bench should it be needed. HTH xxx

Thanks STTrinity! That site looks great - I haven't come across it before. I realised last night that this thing has upset me much more than it's upset dd...brought back memories of me being bullied at school, stuff that I'd long forgotten...not at all nice...

Know what you mean, Rosey, I talk to dd1's teachers at the first sign of anything unpleasant b/c I was bullied and my parents were supine. Fortunately the one big incident of bullying against dd1 went totally over her head and so far I am happy with the school's response. But it is awful to contemplate how miserable it coudl make our dcs feel, isn't it, esp. as we've been there?

Kidscape are great, I hope you get the advice you need.