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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Is this normal for reception?

16 replies

babyblue2 · 20/09/2007 20:13

I've always worried whether DD1 will make friends easily as she can be quite clingy etc but tonight she has told me that she has no friends at school. She says she can't play with 'x' because she plays with 'x' and so on and so forth. I've suggested playing with other children who don't have 'best friends' (apparently there are 2 or 3) and she seemed ok but i'm feeling really sad for her and a bit protective. I know its early days and i'm probably being silly but can anyone put my mind at rest?

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nell12 · 20/09/2007 20:16

Have a chat with dd1s teacher tomorrow morning. She (I am assuming the teacher is a she!) will put your mind at rest and tell you who your dd plays with.

Friendships can be really fleeting at this age, a best friend during morning break can be completely ignored at lunchtime, so try not to worry

Original poster

babyblue2 · 20/09/2007 20:21

DD1's teacher is a man and tbh doesn't seem to be altogether confident. I understand friendships are fleeting but DD1 is really not like that she wants a friend who is loyal (i suppose), like us as adults would have. One who she can play with and rely on not to change her mind from day to day. I obviously can't change things and just have to let her get on with it and hope that she fits in. Feel really sad though.

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nell12 · 20/09/2007 20:30

She will get there, tbh if your dds teacher seems unconfident, all the more reason to pop in for a chat. It is not too much to ask him to keep an eye on her and see if she does have any special friends and how they interact with each other (who is the bossy one, who is the leader, who is the pacifier, who is the follower etc). He may need that nudge to get him to start observing the friendship groups critically (in the positive sense, of course).

Perhaps dd is going to be the type of child who has a wide circle of good friends?

Try not to worry, if your dd seems ok and is happy to go into school, then perhaps she is fine with the situation as it stands.

Original poster

babyblue2 · 20/09/2007 20:36

I know you're talking sense, its just the heartstrings are pulling if you know what i mean. I will try and have a chat with teacher tomorrow. She is happy to go to school and she will find her feet i'm sure. Its just its such a big step isn't it. I keep telling her its better to have a good group of friends rather than just one 'best friend' and i think she's taking notice, i just have a vision of her playing on her own for an hour at lunch. Of course i know i'm being silly and that isn't happening.... is it.

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Fennel · 20/09/2007 20:39

Sometime when they say this it's absolutely made up. I worry about my dd1 as she is a bit of a loner, though she doesn't complain about being left out. However my dd2, who's just 6, and is very sociable and very popular, gets invited to loads of parties etc, yet she still regularly tells me that she has no friends and that people aren't playing with her at lunchtime. With her I know it's not true.

nell12 · 20/09/2007 20:43

It is not happening, if it was you would have an introverted, tearful and unhappy child at the school gates everyday.

School is a huge step for her and for you so do everything in your power to make sure that you are both happy with the situation.

If you are worried, dd is bound to pick up vibes and then the situation may get worse. Talk to dds teacher and put your mind at rest

dinny · 20/09/2007 20:44

Babyblue - IME it is the way AL the girls are and the ones that mention it are just a bit more senstitive and open that the ones it kind of rolls off the back off!

but do sympathise - dd (year one) is often saying this. talk to teacher?

Original poster

babyblue2 · 20/09/2007 20:53

OK will really try and talk to teacher tomorrow, will get DH to come with me so he can take DD out of the way. She is a sensitive soul and i know (hope) it'll settle down as time goes by. Thanks to those who replied. I feel (a little) better.

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daisyandbabybootoo · 20/09/2007 20:54

My DS told us all last year that he had no friends and no-one to play with and that he spent his lunchtimes eating on his own and sitting at the friendship bench waiting for someone to play with. When I asked his teachers they said that he is always in the thick of things, but likes to go and sit on the friendship bench for "some peace" (his words) every now and then.

When I started picking him up from school myself (instead of the childminder) it was obvious from the waves and shouts of cheerio that he has plenty of friends.

It is early days and many friendships will be made and broken a dozen times over before she settles down with a select group of a few best friends.

EmsMum · 20/09/2007 20:57

In brief - yes this is normal in reception!

Fennel · 20/09/2007 20:57

It is excruciating though isn't it, watching them make friends, or not. My dd1 (7) has a new "best friend" and I was terribly relieved (and a bit surprised) to hear that the girl in question actually reciprocates the feeling and likes dd1.

Original poster

babyblue2 · 20/09/2007 21:02

It is excrutiating. Through summer she had a 'best friend' and we all did things together may be once a week, nothing 'in your face' but once they got to school DD1's 'bf' suddenly became attached to another little (new) girl. This is the 2nd time this year this has happened and although i've told her that its best not to have a 'bf' and that loads of close friends is better, i can't help but feel for her. I don't remember it being this traumatic when I was at infant school.

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mistressmiggins · 20/09/2007 21:04

my DS is in 2nd yr
when he started school he told me he had no friends
a month in, we had a parent evening & his teacher told me that DS was friendly with ALL the children & ALL the children liked to be with DS BUT he was confident enough not to cling to friends & just moved around the activities

I agree that if there was a problem, your DD1 would be more upset

its hard isnt it!!

scienceteacher · 20/09/2007 21:07

Unless she is totally miserable, I think it is best to keep out of the 'friends du jour' game.

orangehead · 20/09/2007 21:11

my ds1 is now in yr 1, his first few months in reception he didnt make any friends and played alone this was espeacially worrying as he is very shy and has had problems with speech delay and stuttering but after a few months he had loads of friends and seems very poplar (one girl keeps insisting they marry). My ds2 has just started reception and my older son has told me he is playing alone at play time Im quite surspised by this as ds2 is quite outgoing although i know it will chance like with ds1 Im still abit worried 2, its only natural to not want your child to be excluded. Give her time its all new. I would have a quick chat with teacher if u find out someone who she plays with a bit maybe encourage it by inviting them round

tissy · 20/09/2007 21:16

my dd was just the same, and when I asked her teacher, she laughed and said it was nonsense, and she played with lots of people and seemed quite happy at playtimes.

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