Would this be rude?

[Iwillhavetea]

Hi everyone. Hope this comes across ok. My DD is in reception. She's not going back until September or whenever things improve. I can't see many benefits to sending her in next month. It's a huge change and I think it will really unsettle her. I haven't told her that she won't be going back to her old class or teacher now. It just seems so difficult to explain. I have mentioned year one begins in September.

Anyway she's an anxious little thing and won't speak to strangers. She's scared of men. She had a male swim teacher for one lesson and trembled in the water in fear. I've realised this week that she has a 1 in 3 chance of getting a male teacher from September. He looks in his 50s. If she goes in his class I know she will loose her love of school all together. I bet he's a brilliant funny teacher but she just won't see it that way.

How do they choose the class for next year. Do they discuss things like a child's confidence etc? Is it a bad idea to mention her fears to the school? I don't actually like the idea of ringing at a time like this to be petty. Do I just hope for the best or should I mention something before they tell us who they will be with next year?

Thanks.

I don't think it would be a bad idea to mention her fears. I'm sure that, at such point as she does have a male teacher, it would be wise for them to be keeping a careful eye on how she copes. My child's school had a couple of male supply teachers, so it could happen any time.

At some point, she will need to overcome her fears. It may be that having a male teacher would actually be the best way to do this, but it's difficult to know. Unfortunately it's hard to do a bit of gradual trying things out as they're not in school at the moment. (If the school are doing anything like recording teachers reading to their class, perhaps they can give you access to his, so you can watch together.)

Do you know whether there's any particular reason for the fear of men? (Might not be anything sinister - just seeing a man shouting at someone on TV or in the street might be enough.) Are there men she does cope with?

(I met a teenager on a youth camp who we'd been warned couldn't cope with men - although boys were okay. In fact, in the course of the camp, she was fine with the adult men - possibly helped by there being a continuum of men on the team from 18 to 40ish.)

Difficult one. A lot of the time (in my school anyway) classes are brought together for collaborative activities so she would be working with all teachers of that age group. Not to mention yard supervisions etc. That might not happen next year due to covid but there's a high chance she'll be around the teacher anyway.

I think you could mention it and they'll probably incorporate it into class allocations but I wouldn't expect it to be a key factor in deciding who gets what class.

We have looked at abilities, separated silly children and tried to ensure one teacher doesn't have a harder work load. We have deliberately not asked for parental input.

To me it sounds like it would be good if she did have a male teacher. Are you sure she has not had any dealings with male staff. (eg through pe/ cover/ head teacher?). Any male members of the family she could spend time with. (when longdown is over?). Worth mentioning it ti the school though.

It's worth mentioning to the school, and you could perhaps request that she not be in his class for this first year. I imagine the school will point out, though, that he may well cover some activities with her during the year. You should also consider that children come into contact with many other adults during the school day, eg TA's, parent reading volunteers, external sports teachers and visitors. Some of them will definitely be men, so your daughter will need to overcome this fear if she is to function normally at school.

In fact if she is to function in life. It’s pretty important to spend some time working out how to help her. Man avoidance won’t be possible for much longer!

It won't do her any good avoiding and certainly no good you being the facilitator.
It will only get worse.

I would mention it but they may not be able to accommodate it. It completely depends on what kind of cohort it is. But at least if they know, if she is put in his class they can help with transition.

Also, please bear in mind that this year's Year 1 teachers may not be next year's Year 1 teachers. Many schools don't decide until after May half-term as teachers have until May 31st to hand in their resignation to leave at the end of August.

Exactly @bubbles

I would word it to them as "I thought you should be aware that she is very nervous of men" rather than "Please don't put her in Mr Bloggs' class." They can decide what they think is best, and if they put her in Mr Bloggs' class, he might take precautions like putting her with the TA rather than himself for group work until she's got used to him. If there aren't other male teachers further up, this may be the best opportunity to confront the problem.

I really think you need to help her overcome this fear. Being with a positive male model will be the best thing for her.