Am I doing the right thing? (Long)

[gscrym]

When I picked DS up today, he told me another boy bent his thumb back. I asked him if his teacher had sorted it out. He said yes.
DH was chatting to him in the bath and he told him that he had had a row from the teacher for pinching the boy that bent his thumb back. Both boys got told off.
DH came down to talk about it. DS had got a bit upset but DH had told him he could always talk to us, not to worry. When DH told me about it, he suggested discussing it with his teacher. I said just to monitor it. DH has also told DS that if someone hits him, to hit them back. I don't agree, I think DS should always talk to a teacher. DH thinks that might cause problems and DS might get picked on.
I know kids have arguements and things like this can happen. It's a big transition for kids but should I just let things go and see what happens. DS had been saying this boy was one of his friends last week.

[yetihed]

How old is your DS? Here's my opinion, FWIW...

It sounds like it was an argument between boys who are normally friends and will be again. Personally, I'd monitor it and see how it goes- maybe chat to the teacher if you're not sure, just to check what happened.

I can understand your DH telling DS to hit back, but this can cause it's own problems- your DS may end up feeling hard done by if the teacher is unable to solve problems because he has retaliated. As long as he doesn't turn into a complete grass, moaning to teacher about everything, I'd be surprised if he was picked on.

Learning to know when to ask for help and when to deal with problems yourself is important- there are no blanket rules. As is learning to deal with problems assertively, not aggressively.

Sorry- lecture over! HTH

[Kaz33]

My 4 year old boy has a friend who is nearly 5 in reception, he likes to play with him and he has been to our house a couple of times.

DS2 told me that friend had been pinching him, I told him to say "No, don't do that - if you continue I won't play with you". Also told teacher to keep an eye on it. But at the end of the day it is up to him to deal with it.