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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DS excluded by boys

9 replies

Lovetodream · 22/01/2020 19:01

DS is a bright and funny chap doing really well in Reception, he has formed close friendships with 3 other girls in his class. However, he’s yet to form a bond with any boys, he does say he approaches groups of boys but is asked to go away. He doesn’t seem too affected by it as he loves playing with his girl friends. I haven’t had a chance to arrange play dates as I work full time. I’m worried as they get older the girls might prefer to play with other girls and he might be left out. I’m probably worrying too much but has any one experienced this?

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BecauseReasons · 22/01/2020 19:04

Speak to the teacher and ask them to encourage friendships. At reception age, generally we still expect them to play with everyone.

BackforGood · 22/01/2020 19:23

Generally at Reception age dc play with / are friendly with whoever is near them.
I would also always take any reporting back of exact details with a pinch of salt.
However, I don't see hat you have written as an issue as you say he has friends to play with. Not sure why they would need to be boys.

Crystal87 · 22/01/2020 19:39

I have the same thing with my 6 year old DD who is on the autism pathway. She isn't proper friends with anyone, but will go round in big groups, mainly with the boys or by herself. I was talking to her teacher and she said at that age they should be forming closer friendships and many of them have a " best friend", but for whatever reason my DD isn't really accepted by the girls. It's not a problem now, but I worry for her when she's older, not fitting in with her peers and the boys leaving her out.

XelaM · 23/01/2020 11:25

@Crystal87 I wouldn't worry too much. In my daughter's year (Year 5) there's a girl who doesn't have any close friends amongst girls, but always plays with the boys and she's the only girl who always gets invited to all the boys' parties. The boys like her and it doesn't seem to matter that she doesn't play with girls

Original poster

Lovetodream · 23/01/2020 12:15

Thanks for your replies, I’m pleased he gets along so well with the girls, they’re lovely and have formed a close bond. Ive noticed be plays by himself when I pick him up from the after school club as the 3 boys from Reception have formed their own group and don’t let him play. He tried to join them but been told he can’t play with them. I’ve encouraged him to play with others , he’s a really sweet boy, I find it sad when he says they ask him to leave. I spoke to his teacher who believes he’s a sociable boy but tends to walk away when the boys get boisterous. I hope he finds his place soon.

OP posts:

BlueChampagne · 23/01/2020 13:00

DS1 always played more with the girls than the boys. He's now in Y8 and hangs out in a mixed group.

Do you have a tiny reception class, or is are there more girls than boys?

BubblesBuddy · 23/01/2020 14:10

Are there only 3 other boys in YR? That’s not helpful! It might be difficult for him in the future. In my view he would benefit from being in a bigger school and having a choice of friends. The boys probably think he’s happy with the girls and is not on their wave length!

I would be a lot more proactive about inviting the boys to play. One at a time. Perhaps they already knew each other.
You need to talk to their mums and get networking somehow!

You are right, in my opinion, about future friendships. My DDs did not play with boys much at all. From YR they had 40 plus girls to choose from! They didn’t want to play football, or the mad running around games, or be besotted about the computer games etc. They wanted their games and the boys and girls did split up immediately in the playground. They liked the boys in class and boys were invited to our parties but by y4 this stopped. They were never invited to play with boys and certainly not to their parties after Y2 so our invites were not reciprocated.

Original poster

Lovetodream · 23/01/2020 16:13

Sorry, I meant there are 3 boys from Reception in his after school club but his class has 30 children with about 15 boys.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 23/01/2020 16:19

Are there only 3 other boys in YR?

I interpreted what OP said as meaning '3 other boys who are in after school club when she picks up, of Reception age'

My middle dc was in a really strong friendship Group that started in Reception but really bonded in Yr1 right through until they all left for different secondary schools to start &r 7, with 3 boys and 5 girls. They all attended each others parties until parties stopped after Y6 (though also reappeared for 18th birthdays - as they keep in touch on social media.)

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