would you send a child like this to private school? (If you could?)

[Loopyloopy1]

DC is in year 1 and has never liked school. He’s an enthusiastic reader, and likes learning, but finds the amount of kids really overwhelming, especially the hectic boisterous ones. He’s very sensitive and very shy and cries almost every day when he gets home for one reason or another. I’ve been in and had meetings at school, nothing is going on. (I actually think he’s just quite a shy person and schools are places for extroverts!)

We live in London and he goes to a normal primary (ie: two form entry) and we’re moving house soon (sold, debating where to go).

I am considering putting him in a very small private school (which has a place, he has been on the list for ages, even though we were never sure about that route) rather than another big state school.

It’ll be pretty hard financially, but we could just about do it.

What would you do? I know he’d prefer a smaller school, but I’m worried a small school won’t set him up for the real world and it will cosset him a little!

If he's happy when there, there's no bullying, teachers have zero concerns and he is progressing well... the the tears and moody behaviour remind me of the younger ones in both my DC classes. Especially the ones that try hard all day. They were wiped out by 4pm every day.
My DC are Autumn and winter borns. They also went to FT nursery and long days before reception. I had to cut back the days in afterschool club when they were in reception and Yr1 as they were so tired.

I think you should be aiming for 12-14 hours sleep a night. Bring his bedtime right forward to 6pm, still making it lovely and relaxing but much earlier. You can put it back to 7:30pm over time as he hopefully gets more settled and a little older.

I wouldn't assume private school would help with anxiety unfortunately. I went to private school and yes was in a small class but it was very, very focused on results and highly pressured. I understand not all private schools are like this but that was just my experience.
I'm not very academic and it did often leave me feeling worried and stressed.

Thanks bombaychef! I’m going to try that starting today. Problem is, DH walks in at 7 /7:30 and gets the kids excited and then bedtime always feels a bit messy. But I’ve been talking to DH about it this morning, and he agrees we have to do it.

agnus - were in North London, but pretty central, if I say exactly where it will be very obvious which private school I mean! But we’re on the move (sold and looking to rent first then buy as we won’t have time to buy before the sale goes through I don’t think) and open-minded about where, staying fairly central (zone 2,3) but prefer north of the river for access to family and friends. Would love any school suggestions! We’d even stay in the same area if we could get it right.

geranium looking up that book now! Thank you.

PerspicaciaTick you’re right, now that I’m thinking about it after talking about it here, I’m sure he doesn’t get enough sleep. He will do anything to avoid actually going to sleep!

thekindyoufind that’s my worry about a lot of private schools. The ones I’ve been looking into aren’t the academically selective ones because I’m concerned about that, too.

I think I’d use the money to get him proper help dealing with his anxiety rather than mask it with a different school. At some point he will have to deal with large volumes of people so I think teaching him the coping mechanisms for that would be much more valuable than potentially just masking the problem for a few years.

I completely disagree with @puds11 . At some point he will be a lot older and far more capable of dealing with larger crowds only if he's made to be resilient now. Forcing into an environment that stresses him day after day isn't going to do that. To be honest I think class sizes of 30 for small children aren't appropriate for any of them.

One of ours had huge anxiety about school and was in a large london primary. We moved her to a private school and her confidence came on leaps and bounds. The anxiety disappeared. She wasnt getting her needs met at the state school and they simply couldn't. A term after moving she wanted to stay for clubs and wasn't coming home until 5 and was perfectly fine with it because she was well supported and thriving. She's now 12 and at a large grammar school and doing really well. If we'd forced her to stay in the large state primary I don't think she'd have had the same outcomes and it certainly wouldn't have been kind.

I'd look in Hampstead for preps. There are so many choices there. You could live in Belsize Park or Hampstead Garden Suburb or Highgate.

If it's still up at 9.30 then that's the problem, I'd think. Have a look here and it says it's about 11 1/2 hours for 4 year olds. www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-and-tiredness/how-much-sleep-do-kids-need/

That means he should be asleep by 8 for a 7.30 start. I put my year R child to bed at 7.30pm.

No.

Dd3 was like this. Saved our money and sent her privately at 13 instead. She grew up a lot and became much more resilient and is now hugely confident and sociable.

I have sent you a PM