Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Stumbled on a brilliant way to get DD to tell me about school

27 replies

Simkin · 04/11/2019 10:25

DD (8) is one of those kids who will say 'stuff' when you ask her about what she did that day and 'people' when you ask who she played with.

She doesn't respond well to questions like 'what was the best thing...' etc either. She's recently started a new school and I really want to know how it's going!

We watched 'Freaky Friday' on Saturday night - the 2005 version bodyswap film where the mum and daughter swap places.

Afterwards DD started to warn me about what I should look out for if we ended up in a bodyswap and she told me loads about which friends to play with, who to watch out for etc. I was able to string it along for ages and found out more than she's ever told me about school. So I thought I would share this discovery in case it would help similarly afflicted parents!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

shearwater · 04/11/2019 10:32

That's good. I usually start by asking what they had for lunch. And what they did before and after lunch. Did you have PE? These are safe ground as DD2 definitely likes PE and lunch! What did you play at playtime? Who do you sit with in English? Who is your best friend?

I think the more you ask questions the more they have answers for them- it seems to program their brain to consciously remember things during the day. Good for their memory generally also which is important for learning.

With DD1 she used to come out of school as a little ball of fury quite often so I'd wait until she was in a better mood to ask her about it.

Beamur · 04/11/2019 10:35

I used to ask questions like 'what was the best thing that happened today?' and also 'what was the worst/most boring'

nibdedibble · 04/11/2019 10:38

I used to ask 'Who was the naughtiest?" "Did you get any belly laughs today?" and later "Who's going out with who?" which in retrospect probably gave the wrong impression of what school should be like...

Original poster

Simkin · 04/11/2019 10:38

Usually if I ask what she had for lunch the answer will be 'food'. I think she's on a bit of a power trip with it tbh.

OP posts:

Original poster

Simkin · 04/11/2019 10:40

I like your questions nibdedibble

OP posts:

Happityhap · 04/11/2019 10:42

That sounds brilliant, Simkin. You must have been so gobsmacked when she started telling you all that stuff.

thisisthetime · 04/11/2019 10:43

My dd is like yours op. If I ask any of the questions given as examples above I get ‘nothing’, ‘can’t remember’, ‘I don’t want to talk about it’. She loves school and we have a good relationship she just doesn’t want to discuss school. Fair enough. I don’t bother asking much anymore except to ask if she had a good day. Sometimes she’ll tell me a lot at bedtime to stay up later

Your method sounds fun, I’ll have to try it! I do sometimes ramble on about my day and she might join in at some point!

Original poster

Simkin · 04/11/2019 10:44

Yes, coincidentally it was also bedtime!

OP posts:

moreismore · 04/11/2019 10:49

Great idea! I also heard that telling them all about your day in great detail helps as they then copy you and it becomes a daily habit.

shearwater · 04/11/2019 10:54

Yes, I still get chapter and verse on the day at bedtime, sometimes!

Troels · 04/11/2019 11:14

I used to do bedtime talktime with my oldest who never gave info.
We did the three questions, What went well? What could have been better? What did you like the most. (I had to answer them too)
Usaually he got a question or two in and then just told me all about his day. Worked for years and I think we are closer because of it, he tends to still chat to me over his Dad and he's an adult now.

TheSandman · 04/11/2019 11:26

We have a "What's the BEST thing that happened to you today?" thing around the dinner table. Gets a positive spin going from the off. The first person then asks the second etc. We don't always get round everybody but it's a great way to get everyone talking.

TheBrockmans · 04/11/2019 11:31

I used to sometimes ask who had the best day, and if a little sibling rivalry didn't start the conversation going then I would state that I thought I had the best day because I found Flash kitchen cleaner (other brands are available) on buy one get one free and then they would all launch in to better my good day.

JumpiestBat · 04/11/2019 11:32

I agree ask who was naughty. There's usually some gossip there.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 04/11/2019 13:38

Great thread! My eldest (5) rarely tells me anything in response to a direct question - I find I have to subtly seize on moments when he is open to talking (bedtime is a good one but we rarely get decent 1-on-1 time due to demands of youngest).

The reciprocal thing sometimes works for us - we each find 5 things to say about our day, taking it in turns. But I have to change it up a lot he closes off if he thinks I’m probing him.

Youngest is emerging as more chatty so I’m hoping that the ‘round the dinner table’ thing might work for us eventually. I dream of dinner times like this but it’s generally a nightmare of food refusal by eldest and youngest playing havoc!

Moominmammacat · 04/11/2019 14:26

With my SN child we had an imaginary friend who sat on the wall and saw everything ... told everything too ...

GrandMoff · 05/11/2019 07:03

Try talking about your own primary school days. I don't find it works much to tell them about my day now, but if I say 'when I was at school there was this kid who...' or 'I used to love/hate...' etc, then they're keen to share things back.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/11/2019 07:06

Oh I might have to try that!

Mine is to go for a really boring walk to th3 shop for milk or bread. Dd never stops talking as we walk and all sorts come out without me having to ask a question.

AgnesGrundy · 05/11/2019 07:11

I hear lots about school but about who said what, not about the curriculum obviously

I find the "what was the best thing?" questions quite contrived and manipulative they'd have got my back up and encouraged me to say "nothing, it was all rubbish" as a child (and as an adult) so I'm surprised that works - but it's obviously good for those it works for!

I find it's usually better to use questions about specific, individual things you actually know about your children and their friends/ worries/ interests to get them talking rather than generic questions skewed to try to make them say up beat things, but the Freaky Friday idea is clever

AgnesGrundy · 05/11/2019 07:19

Do those of you who do bedtime only have one school age child?

My kids also all talk a lot at bedtime, but I have to cut that short because with 3 school age children bedtime could easily take several hours! As it is it takes a solid hour, and the youngest especially gets worked up and upset if he's tired when he starts talking - I find bedtime is a time they'll talk to keep me in their rooms, but it's actually quite a bad idea to draw them out at bedtime because any worries or sense of injustice seems far worse when you're tired and things get unnecessarily out of proportion, sleep is put off and restless if they fall asleep with whirring brains, and then the next day is worse too!

Meal times, car journeys, while I'm cooking and while they try to interrupt me from working are better times to talk in a more balanced way in our house. Bedtime to a degree but it needs keeping in careful check especially with the youngest!

Bubbinsmakesthree · 05/11/2019 10:33

Inspired by this thread yesterday we tried making up variations on thumbs up/thumbs down to symbolise his thoughts about what happened in the day (eg - head scratching for something difficult). Worked really well, but I expect I will work for a few days then I’ll have to invent something new!

Original poster

Simkin · 05/11/2019 11:04

That sounds cool! DD was chattering about school nonstop on the way there this morning; I wonder if I was just asking at the wrong time!

OP posts:

Original poster

Simkin · 05/11/2019 11:07

Plus the bedtime thing: I have two kids. The older one tells me every last piece of gossip that happens throughout the day - well, loads, anyway, I'm not naive enough to think she tells me everything. Often that is at bedtime and even though she does sometimes get upset I don't think talking about it makes her more upset - I think it was already an issue and sharing it can help put it into perspective.

But every kid is different and this thread was never intended to suggest that watching Freaky Friday was the right way to go about getting your kid talking, just that it had had that happy and unexpected effect!

OP posts:

TheABC · 05/11/2019 11:12

I have two kids and they get 10 minutes of snuggle time each before sleep. That's when my DS likes to talk: I just let him ramble with the occasional prompt and it's amazing what comes out.

DD prefers to chat in the morning. Usually on my chest, an hour before official wake-up time (thanks DD)

Stealthymcstealth · 05/11/2019 11:24

That's a great idea, my son is only four but I can see ways in which the approach would work. I think it's really important to have a good level of communication with your child without constantly having to pester them for information!

Flip

1 2