New Primary school mam and social anxiety

[MandKsMam]

I'm also new to posting on here too so apologies if this is a commonly asked question in the past. My oldest has just started reception class so all the ?etiquette stuff I've been picking up a bit on here. Things like how to not be an annoying parent (didn't know there was a thing), things that can happen between parents (WhatsApp groups) and a few other things.

I'm not a confident person and have social anxiety too. I want to be a parent who doesn't annoy teachers. I certainly won't be one who constantly complains or is at the front at hometime blocking the view of teachers (a parent has already peed me off doing this by getting right to the front as soon as she arrived while I've stood there near to the front for a few mins, on the edge cos I have a big buggy, and her son being called for before my daughter, so I ended up moving further forward just incase, despite being 5'10", not being seen).

At the moment I'm hoping I'm not an annoying parent because about 2 weeks ago I found out from another parent I hadn't received a certain letter. I went to the office the day after I found out, with my daughter, to see if they had any of these letters left. I noticed as we were waiting, my daughter had put her reading bag on the seating area outside the office. We got the letter and went home. Long story short, she hadn't picked her reading bag back up & I forgot all about it. I do have short-term memory problems too. So no-one has a clue where it is, to this day. I've asked her teacher/TAs a few times if it's been found. I mentioned it to the year 1 teacher. I got really annoyed by it so rang up & spoke to the deputy head, who we've become familiar with from a TAF meeting and is going to support me with my social anxiety (it's irrelevant but she's become familiar to us already in a positive way). My other half spoke about it to the school nurse and domestic. It turns out her class teacher and the domestic actually saw it on the seating area. Me and her dad are frustrated about it because it has her name written on the front (by a teacher), in the proper place where u are supposed to write them in this flap thing, on her homework book (which I'm gutted about cos all the work she's done is gone 😔), on this piece of laminate card card inside, on her reading record book. We think it's been put in a safe place by a member of staff but it's finding out who picked it up. The deputy has said if it doesn't turn up when all the children hand their reading bags in, she'll sort us out a new one. That's lovely of her but I'm still so annoyed it hasn't been found and all her homework is lost. Have I become an annoying parent by asking various staff and her class teachers a few times about it?

Since my daughter has been at nursery, my respect towards teachers has upped massively. I do appreciate the efforts teachers put in to class activities, maybe affecting their own home lives in the process.

Having social anxiety, I dread picking her up cos I have no confidence talking to other parents while we're all waiting outside. I aim to turn up when the gate has opened so I can just join the queue, pick her up and go. I absolutely do want to talk to other parents cos I'm isolated / lonely here with having no friends or family nearby and a zero social life, but I've often been rejected in the past from social circles/mam group conversations and it's convinced me I have something wrong with how I speak or look.

So....how can I be a teacher-friendly parent? I know I've gone off tangent a bit but I suppose it may help having a bit of background and the type of (introverted) person I am 😊

I think they are two separate issues really. One is that her book bag is missing. Things do go missing in schools, especially items that are identical to each other. I once had another child's jumper hanging in my child's wardrobe for six weeks as my dd brought it home, I washed it and put it away without noticing then name label, and she didn't wear a jumper for six weeks.

Your book bag could have been picked up by another parent of child and then it's in their car. I understand you feel sad about her work but she will be doing work at school all of the time. There is a child in my year one class who lost his entire bag last week. He went to after school club with it last Thursday and it hasn't been seen since. It's got his book bag, packed lunch and PE kit in. The school has been scoured and we can only assume someone else has taken it home.

When you get the new one, or it it turns up, do something to it on both sides that can be seen easily. A colourful ribbon on the handle works as it can be seen from both sides.

If you want to talk to the other parents,keep it simple.

'Does Lucy do swimming lessons? I am looking for some for Jane.'
I can't believe it's raining again!
I thought I wasn't going to get here on time today, parking was a nightmare
Where do you get Jasmine's hair cut? it's lovely
Have you been to..........?
Does anyone know a decent plumber? My shower is leaking.

RE the book bag, you'll have to let that one go. You/her left it behind. If I searched the school for every item that went missing, I'd never spend any time teaching. I had a parent last year who wanted us to call a whole school assembly and check every single hat to see if we could find her child's (which she hadn't named). It's not a teacher's job to keep track of all of your child's belongings.

Let the book bag go, this is the first of many things that will disappear into the school abyss.

Although you have a good relationship with the deputy head, try not to involve her in any of the day to day problems of school, like a lost book bag. That is definitely one for the class teacher and office ladies.

With regards to talking to other mums, I completely understand. I didn't know anyone when my daughter started school, the best advice I can give is be smiley, and always say hello when you see other parents from your class. If you look smiley and friendly then people will be more inclined to talk to you if youre not feeling brave enough to make the first move. Also, pick a parent that seems friendly and your kind of person and then invite their child for an after school play. Good luck OP

I really feel for you . I remember being a bit like this too . As time goes on , you will become more confident naturally as you suss everything out . Don’t worry anymore about the book bag . It’s gone , no one will mind or care that you have asked about it a few times . Just replace it and accept that as your first of many losses you will have 😂 my kids lost loads of stuff . Also remember , you’re just dropping your child off , you don’t need to make friends of you don’t want to . Your kids go the same school, that’s it’s . If they didn’t you wouldn’t ever meet most of them . Be friendly and eventually you will find like minded people like you . I never spoke to half of the people at my kids school nor did I want to . I made a couple of nice friends but as life moves on these friendships do . I’m so glad our school offers a drop and run service in the morning and I wait in my car until the last minute for the afternoon pick up .

You are over thinking everything. You are not annoying for chasing up her bag. It's important so I don't blame you. Do you know what. The school gates at my DD school seem friendly. I think we are fairly lucky. I picked a school slightly further away and it's on a nicer estate. I don't mean that as in its posh. It really isn't. But so far everyone smiles, says good morning and there doesn't seem to be any drama. I suppose it might happen one day but I won't be involved. I think the best thing to do is just smile at people and say morning. Don't worry about anything else for now. Then after saying hi and morning at people a few times you can say are you alright? Then they should say yes thanks are you. Eventually that will naturally become with someone a bit of chit chat. I literally say hello to everyone that walks past me into my DD little reception playground. Everyone smiles and speaks back. People speak to me first aswell. Think of questions you can ask if a mum does start to chit chat. How's your little one settling in? Is your child enjoying the school dinners? Is your child making lots of friends yet? Just be as warm and friendly as you can. But also remember it's ok. You are there to take your child to and from school. You don't need to be in with all the mums and part of the mum crew on wattsapp. It's important to find your people. Nobody is better than anyone else. You are all just mums taking the kids to school and you will manage ok without the wattsapp club. It's the schools responsibility to let you know info that's important. I've ended up on a FB group for my DD class. Nobody particularly puts anything on there. Small steps and don't feel like you need to doing anything on particular. Just smile and say hi if you feel you can. Xx

I'd not of gone on about the bag.
It's your DD (and your) responsibility.
You will be starting to look like 'that' parent if you mention it again.
I've learned this the hard way after becoming 'that' parent myself I think
On hands and knees in a pile of lost property with ds's teacher (looking bewildered) the penny dropped and I decided I needed to let the lost glove go