How do you help a child who is reluctant to do home learning?

[Thedonkeyhouse]

Basically my 7 year old has to do additional learning at home, as do all the children, and it's becoming a real battle for me. He gets really grumpy about having to do it and then shuts down and becomes frustrated - sometimes to the point of tears - when he can't do something. He will also sometimes lash out with his words, which obviously I have to tell him off for.

The moment he comes to a question he can't immediately answer, he sort of shuts down and refuses to try to answer it. I know he could work it out if he tried.

For example, he knows what 5x5 is by heart, but if he sees 5x7 which he doesn't know immediately, instead of trying to work it out from there he just gets angry and gives up.

He get so het up that trying to make suggestions or work it through with him just makes him crosser.

It's got to the point that he is in a mood before we've even started as soon as he knows he has to do the work.

Fortunately, we've just had a parents consultation and his behaviour at school is excellent and the teacher said he tries really hard. So that's a blessing I suppose, but it doesn't really help me at home.

I've tried

1. Explaining why he has to do the work at home and making sure he understands that his teacher expects him to do it.

1. Offering rewards for doing it. For example he gets a certificate if he can show evidence of having practised his times tables so many times in a row.

1. Trying to make it fun using real world examples or using objects like lego brick and so on.

1. Being really strict and insisting he does it.

1. Trying the softly softly approach and discussing with him why he doesn't want to do it.

Nothing is working and it's a daily battle still. I find myself wondering what the value of doing this at home is as I don't know how much is going in.

(He's fine with other stuff he has to do, like spelling practice and reading, but he finds that relatively easy and I've never had to force him into it.)

Does anyone have any experience of this, tips or ideas please?

Could you ask the teacher how long he is expected to do the additional learning for? If it is 20 mins, explain to DS that he has to focus for 20 mins and then stop, regardless of whether the work is completed, and that you will write a note to the teacher explaining that he couldn't finish it in the allocated time.

I would set up a plan of what happens when he gets home. E.g. snack. Drink. 20 mins homework . Tv / free play 40 mins . Dinner free play 1 1/2 hours pjs.

This way he can see that there is lots of nice stuff after and that length of time is longer

Also look at how you talk to him when doing the work. You may believe you are being fine but it may come across to him negative.

Don't say come on X you can work it out. Say I wonder how we can work it out and do it together.

He may be frazzled from school. You know he can work it out so that's not the teaching part. Do it together to reinforce it. Look at apps that are games with time tables etc on. A different twist to school.

why does he "have" to do additional learning at home?

The advice from PPs is excellent. It sounds like a bucket load of homework for a 7 year old. First, he is doing his reading and spellings and that is great after a long day at school. We could only manage other homework on a Sunday usually at that age, when they'd calmed down a bit from the stresses of the week.

The schedule is a great idea, literally laid out in black and white. I would also schedule in a night or two off, and the odd treat.

Our son is autistic so this may not be relevant, but telling him off for lashing out when he is already feeling overwhelmed tends to be hugely counter-productive. Taking the pressure off and being supportive - "ok let's see if we can work it out together" - works better. But we haven't cracked it yet.

Thank you for all the help and replies.

@Leeds2 , I will try that. It isn't long, probably about 10 minutes so I will give that a go.

@fuzzymoon I've tried to explain that it doesn't take long and he can play games afterwards but he still shuts down. I will try a more positive approach to working things out together.

@fallfallfall It's not specific to him, all the children are asked to do it. I've no idea if this is a normal level of homework as I don't have friends with children his age in other schools.

@Mellynotsmelly Maybe I've made it seem like it's a lot more then it is. The spellings are only a few words so that doesn't take long. He reads for relaxation before bed so that doesn't feel like homework. It's just the times tables that seem to be a sticking point.

I feel really torn about the lashing out. I feel like if I let it go, then I'm sending the message that it's OK for him to misbehave when it isn't. But I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere either. I try the softly softly approach but feel like I get the same response.

Ah it's literally just times tables? Sorry I thought you were giving an example from a bigger worksheet.

I always think rote stuff like this is about what goes into his head, not what comes out. The important thing is that he knows more at the end of the session than he did at the beginning, not that he proves he can already do it. Get him on board with this. Maybe you could start by chanting the right table, and/or counting in 5s or whatever, so the answers are primed in his head and you are setting him up to succeed at the task. The chanting might feel to him a bit like cheating, but it is all refreshing his memory and practising recall.

My eldest is very anxious about learning her German spellings so we break it down. One day I say the German and she gives me the English, then we work up to me saying the English and she says the German, and only on about day 3 does she even start trying to write the German. Then we do it one question at a time, with me checking/correcting each one as we go, so it's us working together and she ends up with 10 correct spellings on the page, not 5/10. It takes a little longer but it does reduce the panic greatly. Not sure if that is directly applicable to times tables, but it's an example of breaking it down and making the little bits more digestible.

If he is feeling frustrated when he gets to one he doesn't know immediately , could you ask him to explain them to you, starting with the easy ones?

Alternately, if there are just times tables, get hold of the song for learning tunes tables. I still use the song, it's been in my head for ohh over half a century.

My point is that we are setting her up to succeed each time. She hears me say it in German several times before she even has to try to say it. She has said it herself several times before she has to write it, so she is much more likely to guess at the correct spelling. It's all aimed at reducing her anxiety and setting her up to get it right.

Sorry for the essay, again.

We have tended not to hold DC to doing their tables practice every day, as long as they answer all the questions over the week. But I see that if it's a sticking point, you want to keep the structure of daily practice.

At 7 years old its time for a chat to understand his point of view - why does he see it as different from doing his spellings, why doesn't he like doing things that he finds difficult, that difficult only becomes easy after some work, is he just mentally exhausted after school. I find at this age results are better if she is involved in the process of deciding what/how we are going to do things...
My 6 year old has spellings, reading and times tables to do at home. Spellings are seen as fun because they are online - so we have no issues with that because 10 mins on the tablet are only allowed after 2 rounds of spellings! Reading is for pleasure before bedtime. She struggles more with maths - trying to do it on a weeknight is carnage, so we have found that we can do them in our 10 minute walk to school because there is no writing involved at the moment... Not sure how we will tackle this when it becomes a formal style of homework but I don't think that will happen for a while at her school...

Apps like Squeebles (covers spelling and times tables) can help deflect the frustration. And the Professor Mathmo CD also helped with times tables. Finally, can you do iit at another time of day? After school when they're tired is the worst!

There is no need for homework at that age. Keep reading to him and discussing his understanding of the story but otherwise let him have fun after school - sports, tv and playing time.

I would up the rewards to something he really wants/likes. Certificates won’t wash with my kids but they work for things like extra screen time, reward charts for bigger things etc

Is there an app or game to help him learn the times tables? He might find that easier or more fun than just sitting at the table learning them by rote. I know MyMaths is a thing, dont know if it's for older kids though?

If it’s specifically times tables I’d echo the recommendation above for Squeebles app - my yr 4 twins are loving it and their times tables knowledge has really improved in a short space of time

Also mornings often better than evenings - we do times table practise in the car on the way to school (if you walk you could still do it but verbally rather than on the app/worksheet)

This is the downside of prescriptive homework. If OP's son has to do daily worksheets from school, he is not going to have much appetite for something like Squeebles on top.

His natural talents obviously lie elsewhere. Education is so 'one size fits all', and of course, it doesn't. What does he enjoy doing?

I recommend setting an egg timer. Only works if he doesn't spend the allocated time faffing though..

So he panics and gets upset when he doesn't know the answer immediately and that only happens with Times Tables? Does he like other maths work, or the lesson at school, the teacher etc?

You could put the work into smaller more manageable chunks, you could use an egg timer (you can put it on it's side to pause it if any faffing happens), but I would talk to his teacher about the battle at home over it, and see if she has different suggestions or even a different style of homework for him.

The value of homework is doubtful. In Finland children don't even start formal lessons until age 7, yet regularly beat the rest of the world in overall attainment. Before 7 they learn entirely through play. The rottenness of English spelling makes learning to read and write exceptionally slow and difficult, so English-speaking kids have to start on those skills earlier, and parental help makes a huge difference to how easily they cope (real help, not nagging or pushing). Other homework is really not needed.