4yo DD in Reception not listening

[Gryffindorwin2991]

My DD started reception mid September and started off really well, this week her teacher requested to see me and told me that my DD hadn’t been listening the last few days, that she has to be asked a few times before doing something, cannot sit still during carpet time/worship/assembly and is distracting to others. We didn’t have any of this whilst DD was at nursery, however we do see some of these behaviours at home.

I had a word with DDs teacher at the end of this week after having words with DD, explaining as best I can why this is unfair to others and disrespectful towards her teacher and why it is important to listen but this seems to have had no effect. We want DD to do well and don’t want to be on bad terms with her teacher.

I know this can be quite typical for DDs age group, but teacher has said she is the only one in her group doing this.

Has anyone else experienced this or if anyone could suggest a way forward it would be appreciated!

Further info if it helps: DD is summer born and our first and only child. At home if DD is blatantly ignoring us we use the step or remove things she enjoys to earn back for good listening.

So many helpful responses thank you so much, you’ve really helped to me rationalise my thinking. I took DD to the optometrist the week before school started and there were no issues there. I hadn’t considered having DDs hearing checked out so I’ll definitely look into that.

In terms of how distracting she is being, what I have had described to me is DD banging her feet together and one instance of lying down on the floor during assembly (my head was in my hands after hearing that one!).

I did wonder whether DD was bored in class but didn’t want to sound like ‘that’ parent, I know that DD knows all her letter sounds and she’s flying through this weeks homework of sound blending so I bought the phonics flash cards for the programme the teacher is using so she can progress if she wants to.

I have explained to DD why it’s rude to do what she’s been doing in assembly but as other posters have said it’s probably not effective out of context. Will keep plodding on and ask the teacher for any guidance should she mention it again 🙂

@LeGrandBleu that’s really interesting, thank you!

'but teacher has said she is the only one in her group doing this.'.

As someone who has worked in Reception as a TA I would be VERY surprised if this was the case that she was the only one.
Reception kids who have only been at school a month drift off, get distracted and many cannot sit still on the carpet, they rock , lay down, fidget, spin, pick their noses, suck their thumbs, poke the person in front , tap hands on knees, tap feet , fidget with bits of paper.
Some are only just four.
They learn eventually!

I needed this thread as a sanity check. My ds has just started school and although he's old for his year he has a fairly short attention span but only for things he's not interested in... He can spend an hour on a Lego model.

So far his reception teacher paints a picture of him having ants in his pants when it's time to sit still, and flitting from one thing to the next. I came away from the parents evening (so early in the year! Two weeks in!) feeling deflated. She hasn't had time to see how bright, kind, sociable and funny he is because I imagine he only attracts her attention when he's fidgeting and hurrying.

I am sorry your daughter has had a similar start to school. They'll grow up soon enough.

My oldest son is November born and it took him the whole reception year to learn these skills. His teacher wasn't too worried and he certainly wasn't the only one.
I did feel bad but we just kept reinforcing it at home by rewarding good behaviour. His teacher was quite calm about it though.
At 7 he is still a fidgeter but knows what is appropriate and always tries to please his teacher.

That's good to know. I feel sad for the ones who are constantly on the go: it seems like the early years of school are harder for them than for their less energetic counterparts!

'try to be a bit more interesting' ^^pp
it is a bit bloody difficult at times with 30 kids to entertain/teach/explain stuff to
sometimes it will be a bit 'boring' but it shouldnt be used as an excuse to piss about or endlessly fidget on the carpet or anywhere else
if a child an sit through a cartoon they can sit on the carpet for five/ten mins

@simonisnotme yes, that’s why the very next sentence is “obviously that’s not real advice”. I just think it’s worth remembering that being able to sit still when you’re very bored is a reasonably mature skill (because it’s basically based in manners, and thinking about the needs of other people around you rather than your own feelings for the whole duration), and therefore:

1. Children can take a longer time to master this than we might like
2. Adults (teachers, parents and others) can be particularly sensitive to it, because it triggers our own stuff too, and therefore we can be prone to making a bigger deal out of it than is really necessary.

Mine is now 7 - he sits better at school than he did at four, especially this year now he’s at a desk rather than on the carpet - he definitely still wriggles around on the sofa while watching TV! I’m 32 and I sometimes fidget whilst watching TV, but I don’t fidget in meetings (even really dull ones) because it’s inconsiderate to others.

I hope simone is not a teacher because this sentence if a child an sit through a cartoon they can sit on the carpet for five/ten mins shows a complete lack of knowledge and understanding of how the attention is switched in a human brain.
I can happily sit watching Bugs Bunny cartoon for 10 minutes but if I have to sit through 10 min of worship, you will see me shifting in my chair after 30 seconds. I will do my best to control my body, but my mind will quickly be somewhere else. In a child, having a wandering mind often mean a wandering body, they haven't yet mastered the art of disguise.

A zillion books have been written on screens/brain/attention and making a parallel is pure nonsense.
You don't need to entertain or turn into a clown. What you need to do is understand that for some children it is harder to stay quiet and stay still. There are techniques to help these children, which I believe are taught at uni. Have a little shake for example...

You go and sit down on a scratchy carpet and try to stay still.

I always think it's very sad when teachers talk about 4 year old, very young children like this. They are 4. School is new. School isn't always very exciting. Some kids aren't on that page yet. They are 4 and only just so for summer borns...
Take it all with a pinch of salt. Support your child but she's probably 100% normal. By Yr.3 it will be a distant memory.

I think this will be us next year. My summer born 3 year old can sit and listen if she wants to and is engaged but if she’s tired, she is really easily distracted. I’d have thought it’s totally normal and I don’t believe she’ll be the only one.

I was asking about circle time etc as I’ve been doing the open day rounds and my favourite school were firmly in the camp of school starting properly in year 1 with reception being a transition year for them to learn how to manage school.

My DD is in reception and also is away with the fairies and forgets what she is doing. She's struggling to take part as she is not used to team work yet.

My DD didn't do much nursery etc. I think going from a small amount of nursery to 30 hours a week in a classroom with rules and lots of routine has been hard for her.

Alot of kids have had long days at nursery etc and are used to mingling in large groups away from their mums. I sometimes think they forget to treat every child as an individual and expect them to all be the same. It's hard as a parent though. I worry everyday that's she's ok happy etc. My sister said it's my fault for not sending her every day to pre school. I didn't want that though. We only get them for a few short years and they already start too young in my opinion.

I think they are being hard on your DD. It's not like she's hurting people. I bet her little brain is tired and sometimes she doesnt want to perform. I think the school starting age should be 5 and a half to give them that extra year to develop before being expected to be listeners, learners and socialisers. Let's face it all four year olds want to be doing is playing

Hi mums !
I have summer child ( born in June) currently in reception year, past two weeks he is not listening at all