Twins together or separate at Reception

[twinmumPS]

Hello there,

We are looking at schools for our twins who would start Sept 2020. Some schools we are looking at only have 1 intake, which would make it impossible to choose to separate them.
I am torn as to whether separate is as good an idea as people seemed to believe until a few years back, but I would love to hear from parents who faced the same dilemma and how you solved it. Any info is very appreciated. Thanks

I'm not a Mother of twins but my DD2 had best friends who were twins in primary school. Her friends were identical and DD plus the two of them made a lovely trio.

They also played with other kids. My niece and nephew also went in together and there were no problems at all.

The only problems I've read about on here is when one twin gets invited to a party and the other doesn't...which seems very rare (because who'd DO that??) but it could happen whether they were in the same class or not.

I have twins they are together, Tamba advice is together while young usually works best.

Not a parent of twins.
However I'd go for a school with 2 form entry, which mixes classes up if not every year then at least on entry to y3.
That would give you the choice. If you go for single form entry then they are stuck together 24/7 for the next 7 years.

No twins here but my dd8 and my niece were at pre school nursery together. They are six weeks apart and are very close. They did everything together from birth but it became a problem at preschool when my dd wanted to branch out and play with others. DN struggled with this and just wanted to be with dd. We decided to send them to different primary schools. I think in your position I would go for different classes.

As a twin and a teacher it's fine for them to be together for the first few years but please choose a school with at least a 2 form entry so if they want to be separated later they have the choice.

Trust me this is sometimes in the best interests of the children, as whilst they may enjoy being in the same class 7 years of never having the chance to do not be together can be hard. From personal experience they just end up being lumped together with no chance to be seen as individuals.

My twins are together - the school generally goes with parents' views and most twins at the school seem to be in the same class to start. They are very independent and both pretty strong academically as well as being B/G so that takes a lot of the comparison/competition out of it. I've had zero problems and actually it has meant that from my perspective I've been able to go to almost all their school events and they have been able to do almost every whole class party etc. Now they are older, the parties are starting to be smaller/single sex and they are old enough to be totally fine with that.

Have you had a look at the Tamba resources about this? I found them very helpful. Several recent studies have found that there is no right answer, it depends on what's right for the individual multiples.

Personally I'd agree with a PP of going for a school where you would both have the choice, and be able to change the situation later if needed, but appreciate that may not always be possible.

I have non-ID DTDs and they are now in Year 6. They have been together all through school, despite some heavy push back from their (Indy) school at Year 1 and unfortunately a disappointing experience with their class teacher that year, who clearly did not personally believe they should be together, and the way she behaved to and with them reflected that and was not helpful. I stuck to my guns and they stayed together in Year 2 and had a completely different experience with a teacher who just treated them like individual children and everything was fine. I moved them to a different school (unrelated reasons) at Year 4 and felt that asking them to separate at the same time as moving to a new school where they didn't know anyone was unreasonable. They then requested to be together at Year 5 and I didn't worry about it, and neither did the school, because they already had their own friends and operated independently in the classroom. This year they've separated, by their own choice, which I feel is a healthy step before senior school.

With hindsight, I'm glad I reevaluated each year, and did what was right for my children - which of course may be totally different for another set of multiples. I'd go with what you feel is right for your DTs -I feel it's one of those parenting choices where you sometimes have to just go with your gut instinct.

I'm in the same position. I actively want my 2 to start together as I think one if not both would be distressed by being parted . They do play independently at nursery so I don't think they'd hold each other back. I am open minded as to separating then later on.

Totally depends on the twins - there is no one answer to this :-) TAMBA resources as already mentioned are good to help think it through. Also talk to nursery/pre school/childminder if applicable as they can often offer helpful advice.

My non ID boys started school together - one was very anxious and I felt would struggle if apart. Was the right choice at the time and Reception went very well. However it became clear part way through yr 1 that they would be better separated. We had to move schools end of yr 1 to do this as the original school was one form entry. They were very upset about being separated at the time....but that lasted no more than a couple of weeks. They have just started yr 4, and have no desire to be in the same class (I do ask them every year, school would be flexible on this if we wanted) - they have some separate friends, some mutual ones, play together sometimes, separately at others. It was 100% the right thing for us to separate them when I did.

What I would say from my experience though is keep your options open if you can - ie go for 2 form entry or more from the start, even if they are initially in the same class. Then if you want to separate it’s more straightforward than having to entirely move schools :-) Also look at local schools and how they work - our school is two form entry but Reception is very much free flow and the two classes mix pretty much all day long. Yr 1 classes have shared outdoor area and also spend a lot of time together. If you have a local school which does this, that may be a good solution - separate classes but lots of opportunity to be together anyway in the early years.

Good luck, I agonised over the initial decision to keep them together, then agonised again over the decision to split them up...you just have to trust that you know your children and what would be best for them :-)

@HennyPennyHorror why wouldn’t people invite one twin to a party and not the other if their child is only friends with one of the twins? Twins are individuals, they don’t come as a package :-)

I have never expected my twins to be invited to all the same parties - and they don’t expect it either. In fact, it’s a nice opportunity for me to do something 1:1 with the non invited one and it all works out pretty much evenly over the course of a year....and even if it didn’t, that’s life!
If you have two children of different ages you don’t expect them to be invited to the same parties, it’s no different with twins :-)

Mine are same sex non ID and not particularly 'twinny'. Even at preschool they didn't always play together. We chose a school with two form intake and separated them. They're very different and one has always been slightly ahead of the other developmentally, I didn't think it was fair to have them lumped together and compared. School structure allowed free flow between classrooms in foundation and they took advantage of this to visit each other to begin with and then less so as the year went on and they found their own friends. They're both flourishing now in yr 1 and I'm pleased we made the decision we did.

However friends with both ID and non ID twins have kept theirs together and it seems to work well for them too. So I think it's absolutely dependent on the twins in question, there's no secret formula!

Oh and they're rarely invited to the same parties and they understand why not and are fine with it!

It depends on the twins. it is standard to seperate, but mysisters were together and only seperated in Juniour school. They then went back to same classes in about year 9. (as is now.)

it is standard to seperate, there is no standard.

My ID girls were together all the way through primary (2 form entry) and that was definitely the best thing for them. They were always pretty independent and there were never any problems. When they went to secondary, they were put in different tutor groups and that was also the right thing. They’re very close - not in each others’ pockets, but they get on well. At school now they have different social groups but do some extra-curricular school activities together, and out of school they do lots together.

There’s no right it standard answer - do what works for your twins.