Reception child behaviour issues

[FishfingerSandwiches4Tea]

Hi, I've posted this in SEN but no replies, and not sure (yet) if there are any yet, but I'm so worried about my son.

Would appreciate any words of wisdom. So so worried about 4yo ds. Referral was made by preschool in Feb and he is being seen this week. No one has said if/when they will speak to us. Teacher today asked if I could come in for a meeting instead of having to stay back at every pick up to discuss behaviour. He is age related for everything except social/behaviour/emotional. I'm so worried that at the meeting they will say they don't want him in school

Hi Fish. I’m sorry to hear things are not going well. Is the behaviour being described to you at school pick ups consistent with things you see at home, or does it sound unusual for him?

Who is your son seeing this week? My hope/ expectation if the teacher has invited you to a meeting would be that they’re wanting to work together with you to understand his behaviour and begin devising a plan for how he can be supported. I’d view the fact that they’re being proactive in arranging this as a positive; they’re wanting to make things better. Maybe you could spend some time before the meeting writing down any information you might want to share with them about how he presents at home to increase their understanding, and any questions you might want to ask them about what’s happening at school. It might help you feel more mentally and emotionally prepared.

Have you had any concerns about his social and emotional development previously? It’s not unusual for children in Reception to be a little unsettled at first. It’s a huge adjustment for many children and they need time to become familiar and comfortable with the staff, the routines and the expectations.

When did your son turn 4? It is possible to send him part time until the term after he is 5 if you feel like it has been too much of a big jump for him starting school?

Thank you both for your replies.

He displays the same behaviours at home. He doesn't seem to understand personal space, and will 'smack' other children as he seems to think he is playing and doesn't really understand when they get upset. We have to watch him like a hawk with his younger sibling as if he thinks no-one is looking he'll go right up to him and squeeze him hard (like a hug but doesn't know when to stop) and sly digs.

No one at school has given us any inkling of what they think it might be, but there is autism within the family and recently a family friend mentioned ODD. He is an extremely picky eater and there is currently only 1 meal he'll eat.

I've been to the GP about it but they won't do anything until they have the Ed Psych's report. Thankfully they are seeing him this week. I've no idea what that will entail though and I haven't been asked to meet him which I would have thought would be useful?

He's not 5 until June. I told them in his handover to reception meeting that I felt he'd really struggle with afternoons and asked if he could initially do mornings, but they clearly thought I was exaggerating. I think they now understand what I meant

It must be a really worrying time for you. I’m an EdPsych and my process is always to meet with parents and school staff together initially, to fully understand the situation and agree what assessments / approaches would be the most helpful next steps. However, everyone has different ways of working and different reasons for that. Could you ask school for the EP’s contact details? I’m sure if they’re involved with your child and haven’t had chance to meet with you yet, they would be happy to speak on the phone about their work and answer any questions you might have. It might put your mind at ease if you have a bit more knowledge about the process?

Thank you EPea. What happens if you suspect autism or adhd? Do you play a part in diagnosis?

I think this varies a lot depending on where you are in the country. In my Local Authority, diagnostic assessments are purely under the remit of health, we as education professionals are not included in the process at all. If we notice things that we think might qualify a child to access a diagnostic pathway, we would discuss this with parents and, if they are in agreement, make the referral to CAMHS (the team that manages these processes in our area). I do think though that in other areas, EPs are more actively involved in the diagnostic process. Your school SENCo should be able to give you more information about your local arrangements.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'm hopefully meeting the school SENCO early next week so will have lots of questions for them!

It sounds like they need close supervision of him.
Pda is similar sounding to ODD but more caused by anxiety.
With a summer birthday you could have asked for a CSA start into reception.

Is behaviour worse due to tiredness so more impulsivity or does he just not understanding that other kids dont like it?

My eldest is very oppositional. Yr r was awful despite nursery being nowhere near as bad.
Tiredness going from 2 days to 5 and also when not feeling well and so many kids some of whom were also immature and wound dc up. With what seemed like no playground supervision.

With the pickness with food, is he on any vitamins? The bassetts ones are like sweets.
We found behaviour worse after a busy weekend and a party especially late sunday was a recipe for a bad week - strangely tues/wed mainly.
The worst thing was the strictness caused it to spiral and get even worse for weeks.
Behaviour gradually improved but still much more impulsive than other kids so imo there is still an issue.

Awkward he is definitely worse when he's tired! Unfortunately he's anaemic due to a poor diet so although it's being treated he's always tired.

Did you get much in the way of support from school with your eldest?

No they tried behaviour charts which escalate everything. Lots of HT visits for dc when misbehaved.
I though dc would get expelled as it was often unpredictable although there were bad patches.
Imo similar to your dc there is a physical contributing factor (maybe adenoids/tonsils or asthma). Dc was very ill at 3yo with ear infections and burst drums, fevers. So maybe glue ear or hearing loss. As that can cause adhd behaviour.

(There is some iron in chocolate i think if he likes that?)
Ime schools seem to think

• kids shouldnt be getting sleepy
• kids would behave a certain way if tired ie looking sleepy and dozing off but this is not my experience as when tired they can wind up, misbehave and not want to sit still. Having to do carpet time would make many sleepy.

Dc2 behaves similarly but hasnt had the same physical illness and so far hasnt gotten into trouble at preschool.

I think at reception age many kids are still misbehaving but they do this for their parents in the evening. Other kids just dont care about getting in trouble