Can I legally take my son out of school for lunchtime?

[Phycadelicsilhouette]

My youngest DS is in year 6 and has just turned 10. He has additional needs, ADHD, ASD traits and sensory processing problems.
After years of meetings and being told he was doing very well for the whole of year 5 and having a good relationship with school staff I just don’t believe the school are meeting his needs any longer.
It’s been ongoing that he has been saying he’s being bullied. Backed up sometimes by the teachers but allot of the time they will say it’s his perception or what can they do if he won’t stay away from them. (He has additional needs and doesn’t get that they’re not his friends!)
He’s also telling me every day that the other children are calling him names such as “fatty” “fat obese pig” ect.
He tends to retaliate when he gets hurt but is always seeming to be the one in trouble and he says they don’t give him a chance to talk or ask him what happened, they just take his lunchtime away and put him in ‘the quiet room’. I’d say this is happening over 50% of the time.
They did this to him last year... and the year before actually as a routine thing for weeks and weeks in a row without telling me they were doing this. I think they like to keep him out of the way to make their lives easier as the others can’t target him there and therefore he will not retaliate.
One example last week for loosing his lunchtime was that whilst filling his water bottle at the fountain, it spilled over the top and when he told the teacher it was an accident he was told that he was in control of his own actions.
We’ve had big situations for example between 2 boys during a wet play they set him up to go out of the class into the next class because a teacher wanted him but when he got out there was no teacher, just the other boy waiting to jump on him and attack him for their amusement. And this boy then told the teacher my son hurt him (he was trying to get away) and my son got in trouble and told he would miss lunchtime the next day. My son came home saying he wanted to commit suicide and was distraught. It was only after I’d called the school and demanded to speak to somebody that the teacher said he’d made a mistake and confirmed what my son had told me had happened.
The SENCO seems odd at the moment. He used to be cheerful and always say hello. Was good with my son (he’s only been SENCO for a year in this school) but he avoids eye contact with me at the moment and I just get a feeling that something isn’t right.
My son said that he’s just like the other teachers now who act nice and kind to parents but are mean and horrible when you’re not there.
What the hell is going on?!
I’ve cried so much this evening and I just want to take DS out of school and home school him but I need to look into all this properly. For now I am going to be going into the school and requesting to properly speak to the SENCO to find out exactly what’s going on in the morning and I want my son with me for lunchtimes.
Can I legally do this?
I’m so sad and angry.

I have no idea about what your school allows but in my DD's school home lunch was always a thing. If you can collect him and return him for the afternoon session then i can't see why it would be an issue.

Yes. I've done this sometimes. Why not?

I didn’t know if it was still legal. I remember home lunches being allowed when I was at school (many years ago) but not sure if they still were.
I want to be able to tell him that I will definitely collect him for lunch tomorrow but I can’t tell him unless I know it will be allowed for certain.

Forget lunch, if at all possible I would be moving schools, that sounds horrific and the school appears to be completely ineffectual. Is that an option?

I just want to take DS out of school and home school him

I think I would.
If you are flexible enough that you can go in every lunchtime to spend with him, then I'd assume you are able to home school. So I would.
Year 6 should be great - top of the school etc.
If it's not, then get him out. He doesn't needs SATs stuff AND friendship issues and whatever else.
You need to take his feelings very seriously, imo.

I think they like to keep him out of the way to make their lives easier

It’s expensive to have one member of staff per child at lunch or a staff member missing their own lunch. So it’s for his benefit not theirs

And yes you can take them home for lunch

I agree with others this school sounds useless I'd be complaining (for the benefit of the next similar child) and moving him or home schooling.

Thank you for your replies.

I went in and spoke to a teacher at the school this morning and ended up crying. I felt ridiculous but I just felt so overwhelmingly sad for my DS.
I have worked closely with the school for years and have always been calm and fair but I said that I was very upset as DS feels unwanted, unhappy and unsafe at school.
I said that I just want him to be heard, to be treated fairly and taken seriously and to feel safe and accepted.
The teacher has spoken to other teachers today and also took my DS for a chat. She called me back and said he’d just re-iterated what I’d said and she has assured me they will take more time to listen and make things fair.
Some of the children who have been targeting him have been spoken to today and I hope this attitude continues.
DS came out of school very happy and feeling heard and accepted.
I am now going to be keeping a diary on a recommendation of a friend who works and knows about these sorts of things of everything DS says and all communication I have with the school so that if it needs to be revisited or taken further I will have concrete evidence.
I’ve cancelled the after school clubs he’s been going to due to incidences that have been happening there and it not being dealt with fairly which DS also wanted and I’ve requested my deposit back for a residential trip and asked for an absence of leave to be granted for the week in question to do educational but fun days out each day which I have offered to document and show the school evidence of.
The headteacher wasn’t in today but the teacher I spoke to said she will request it on Monday so I hope this will be granted.
I didn’t collect him for lunch as the teacher assured me she would keep an eye on him which she did.
It was a good lunch for him.
He was playing with one boy and the boy unfortunately got upset with him for chasing him. Teacher spoke to DS who thought it was a game. (Social skills with the additional needs) she got them talking DS apologised, all was forgiven and they played again.
The school have not been meeting these basic needs and this needs to change.
The teacher has assured me it will so now it’s just a matter of wait and see.
I wanted an EHCP years ago but was told he wouldn’t get it as he doesn’t need it enough due to although working at a lower level than his peers he is making steady academic progress.
Maybe I will push for this now ready for secondary age.
If I’m not home schooling by then.

That’s great news OP. Really hope the school sticks to their word and stays on it! Sounds encouraging.

he doesn't need it as he is making steady academic progress

THe H and C elements of an EHCP stand for health and care, it is not all about academic progress.

Thank you @Windowboxgardener I hope so, he seems to be having an ok week this week. Had another update on Monday and the school seem to want to listen and help.

@viqes don’t get me started. It makes me feel so sad and angry that because he makes steady academic progress and his struggles can’t be physically seen he is deemed to be getting on ok.
The school don’t have to worry about how all this shapes him as a person and how his mental health suffers from it all.
I worry so much for him and about his mental and physically safety when he is at school at the moment and it should be a place that he is cared for, is listened to and is safe. If they can’t manage it they should ask for additional help in the form of an EHCP. I’m just rubbish. I don’t know how to push for these things and I don’t know how to approach it all properly. To be perfectly honest I feel that I’ve been fobbed off for a long time. He has been telling me his struggles, I have been speaking to the teachers and have been told that he seems ok to them and is his perception allot of the time and that if he gravitates toward them there’s not allot they can do.

I now believe it’s not his perception, he’s being targeted! And he gravitates toward them as he doesn’t understand the social cues and he’d rather be liked by them than bullied and so he keeps on trying which makes him an even easier target!

I just wish I could keep him with me.

He once had an amazing teacher who saw things through his eyes and really helped him and built him up but it’s seems unfortunately that there are only a small handful of teachers that seem to make this time and have the want.

This really resonates with me. DS has ASD and last year his teacher made his life hell as she didn't understand him at all and he was constantly in trouble. The SENCO was useless. We started looking at new schools but DS has one good friend (amd doesn't make friends easily) and really didn't want to leave him so we didn't move him.

Now, everything has changed as there is a new SENCO who seems great and his new teacher is great and supports him.

The difference is huge. He's so much happier.

We discussed before he went back to school that if he'd got another teacher who was awful we would go ahead and move schools as I couldn't bear seeing his self esteem damaged for another year.

In your shoes I'd seriously consider a new school. What are the options in your area?

HAve you asked IPSEA for advice to persuade the school to move on a statement?

The thing is, they have to find the first three thousand pounds out of their budget. Him getting an EHCP wouldn't necessarily get the school any more help and would tie them into a commitment.