Child never gets picked by anyone in her class to work with

[leagaj01]

Hi there
My daughter is 10 and in Year 6 now. She was recently diagnosed with ASC, specifically Aspergers but they don't separate them now. She is high functioning but struggles with friendships although would dearly love a best friend. At school when told to pair up or work in teams, no-one ever picks her. I've repeatedly raised this with the school as I know other girls feel left out too but wondered if anyone out there has a school that has a policy of not allowing children to pick each other, it's either done by the person you sit next to or the teacher assigning teams? I want to put in a formal request for this but wanted to know if any other school had adopted this?
Thanks guys

I’m a teacher and wouldn’t usually let the children choose their own partners - maybe very occasionally depending on the activity - the children just work with who they are sat next to, I’m not having everyone rearrange around the classroom every time we do a bit of pair or group work Also, the person you want to work with is not always the best person to work with in terms of good learning behaviour. I agree it’s unfair on your daughter - we put a lot of emphasis in our school on including others and not leaving others out (I think even as an adult, being left out is quite an upsetting experience). It’s not a ‘policy’ though - just a decent way of doing things in my opinion. I wouldn’t be happy either if I was you.

Thank you, exactly that, it's not beneficial for a lot of reasons and feel its in everyone's best interests to not let them just pick their friends each time.

Our daughter has always been the 3rd of a three with few other friends, and whenever they pick partners she tends to be the odd one out. Teachers have always reassured us that they usually use other methods as you suggest, but the times they do allow it have loomed large for DD. We rationalised it to DD that people just get in the habit of asking the same person, and she just got unlucky the way it fell in the first place. School dealt with it by letting her be in a 3 with her 2 friends, rather than expecting her to join up with whoever else is left over. It's not exactly what you asked but it was a low stress solution.

I'm inclined to go to teachers with the issue my child is having (feeling left out) rather than telling them what I think they should do about it. It's their classroom, they're the experts on managing 30 children simultaneously, it's up to them how they run it. I am not shy to point out if it's not working for my child, but what they do to fix that is up to them, not me.

I understand, I will put the request in politely with my reasons and am not presuming to tell them how to do their job but there have been a lot of various issues, this is just one of them and I've found sitting back meekly doesn't help my daughter so I have to speak up when I feel it's about something important. We have a brilliant SENCO and they are trying their best for my daughter, which we are very appreciative of but I believe this will benefit lots of other children, not just our daughter so will raise it and see what their response is.